


Sacred Children

by Lyana_Kurosaki15



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Action & Romance, M/M, Science Fiction, Shounen-ai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6974836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyana_Kurosaki15/pseuds/Lyana_Kurosaki15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji had been living as normal person before one accident brought him into world of battle. He met with Kaworu and started his life as a soldier to fight Angels. But he didn't knew that it was merely a repetition of his past. His sealed memories started to reveal what the truth behind Third Impact three years ago and how it connected with the Humanity Project. </p><p>Will he remember his memories and prevent another tragedy happening or lose his dearest ones again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Encounter part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Evangelion is belongs to Hideaki Anno and GAINAX.  
> This story is solely for creative purpose. So, I used, added, and/or changed some things related to the Movie, Anime, and Manga for this story. 
> 
> I made all characters of Evangelion three years older than in the movie Rebuild, so there'll some differences in character's nature and I also made them more matured. I hope it won't felt too weird.
> 
> Please leave some reviews :)

_i_ _talic words : thoughts_

**_(...) :_ ** **memories**

**Shinji POV**

* * *

 

**_(It's the same room as always. A huge spacious room filled with nothing but one bed and one small round table on the right corner of the room. I was there, standing beside one grand piano on the other side of the room. I touched that piano and let my hand brushed the black frame of the piano for a moment. I stared dazedly at that large musical instrument._ **

**_"Would you like to try, Shinji-kun?"_ **

**_A soft husky voice captured my attention and I quickly searched the owner of the voice. I turned my head at my right side and I found one young teen, smiling softly at me. His crimson eyes looked straight at me and I could see a tint of amusement inside._ **

**_"No, it's fine. I can't play it." I curtly replied. That was no lie, but that wasn't in all honesty. I simply enraptured by the sight of him playing that musical instrument. It was mesmerizing and serene at the same time. But I would never tell him this pathetic reason of mine. Not that it was also shameful but I didn't want to make things more awkward for us._ **

**_The pale young teen smiled even wider and his eyes glinted in joy. "There's always first for everything." He sat on the piano seat and left some space untouched. "Here, we can play it together. I'll teach you how to play it." He took out his left hand and gestured to me to accept it._ **

**_I was surprised at his gentle demeanor as I could feel my body tensed up. I was unaware of the reason behind the sudden sensation of agitation. Was it the feeling of excitement or embarrassment? I still couldn't decipher it._ **

**_I took his hand in slow manner as if I was hesitant to accept his invitation. But the truth was far more unreasonable. It was merely a feeling of shy. I felt strangely scared to touch his hand and basked in his warmth but it was also his warmth that aroused my curiosity._ **

**_As I grabbed his hand, he pulled me gently and made me sat beside him on that piano seat. I stared at him wide eyes and he simply looked at me in amusement and joy. But I could see strange look that painted on his eyes and I still didn't know what exactly it was._ **

**_"You're strange after all, Ka-u-kun.")_ **

* * *

 

A ticking sound slowly registered in my mind. It was barely audible since my mind still trapped in haziness. But gradually my mind became clearer and I could feel the need to open my eyes.

I carefully opened my eyes as I saw the dim morning light faintly brightened my dark room through the curtain. I watched the ceiling of my room for a moment before I fully freed myself from the drowsiness. "I feel like I dreamt about something but why I can't remember it..."

I kept staring at the white ceiling. I was loss in my thoughts. I always felt like I dreamt something but as soon as I opened my eyes, that faint sense of dreaming was already gone. But I always left with lingering feeling of lost. "What is it...?"

I let out a long tired sigh before I rose up from my bed and walked to glass sliding door that was the doorway to the balcony. I slid the curtain and looked at the sight of the unrest city where I lived, Tokyo Metropolitan City. The morning sunlight perfectly dyed the city.  _It is beautiful._

Captivated by the sight, I smiled as I slowly slid opened the glass door and stretched up as I strode to the metal railing. Then I leaned on the railing and stared the view of the city for a while until I remembered that today was the first day of my second years of high school.

Hurriedly, I went into my room and closed the glass door and the curtain. I dashed fast to the bathroom, preparing myself for school. I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth, and straighten up my short brown hair. I didn't really have many bed hairs because my hair was really short only up to the nape at the back of the head. My bangs length too was only up to the crown of my forehead. I stared at my reflection on the mirror at the sink. My blue-greyish eyes were looked blank and bored.  _It didn't reflect anything, as always. If only I could remember my dream maybe I could feel more alive._

For a moment, my gaze couldn't detach from my reflection but the sudden remembrance of school made me quickly dashed out from the bathroom. Ten minutes was enough for me to be prepared. Since I lived alone in this small apartment, I didn't have anyone who would cook me breakfast. It's because my parent was died in a car accident three years ago, or so I was told. I didn't have much memories about my parents. I could only remember that I lived with my mother but she was always busy for work. She rarely came home and that made me lacked of memories about her. And for my father, I never knew who he was. Mother never told me about him and I never met him. So after my mother died, I could only rely on myself. Only the lonely feeling that was left and I never could be liberated from it.

Felt that I had all that I need to go to school. I quickly dashed out of my apartment, locked it, and walked to my school. The distance was not so far. From my apartment to my school, I only needed to walk for fifteen minutes. The school was a bit far from the central of the city, so the street was not packed by many people in the morning. As usual, I walked in slow steps and hummed contently. I strolled my way on the side of the road, enjoying the scenery. The branches of the trees on the roadside were softly swayed by the soothing wind. The leaves fell flutteringly as the wind carried them. It was a fine and peaceful scenery before a sudden scream echoed all through the road.

I quickly scanned my surroundings and tried to find where the voice came. Then I saw a huge black hole about three meters from where I stood. It gushed out a strange black gas and it smelled really horrible. I incidentally covered my nose with my hand. Some people that stood near the black hole looked really terrified and some of them were screaming. "It's the Pandora's gate! RUN!"

Instantly as I heard the name of that black hole, my body shivered in cold sweat. The name was so familiar that it slowly terrified me.  _I have to run. They'll come._

I snapped out from my thoughts and started to run. The scene of people running with a terrified face, screaming and shaking, burned in my eyes. But I couldn't bother with it. I have to save myself from this terror. Abruptly, I heard many screams on my back. I couldn't help myself to turned my head back and saw what happened. My eyes widened and my mouth went wide simultaneously, gasping at the horrified sight behind me.

It was people, killed by hideous creatures which came from the gate. They walked with two feet, had a tail just like a crocodile tail, and two long hands with sharp claws. Their features were just like a human, only their faces were extremely frightening. Their eyes were as red as blood. Their pointed snout and big jaws with sharp teeth were just like animal, but carnivorous ones. They just about three meters in height and their black hard skin, veiled by some kind black armour from the shoulder until the feet.  _A human shaped monster, it's the Angels._

The Angels attacked everyone as they were advancing on. It was a very dreadful sight. Blood spilled out and splattered everywhere, colouring the street. Unconsciously, my step was stopped. I felt nauseous looking at the horror in front of me. I mentally screamed. I tried to pull myself out of that place. I wanted to run until there were none of them. But I couldn't move. My body was shaking so much and my legs had lost its power to move. The monsters were coming closer. Their fangs were bared to me. I heard they growled while it was slowly approaching me.

I felt purely frightened. I unconsciously stepped back frantically but unfortunately I stumbled down on my feet. The fear had swallowed me into despair and I couldn't move anymore. I could felt tears flowing down from my frightened eyes.  _Someone! Please! Please help me!_

I shut my eyes deliberately in despair before I heard someone called my name. "SHINJI-KUN!"

I quickly opened my eyes and saw a figure of someone standing in front of me. He was tall and grey haired boy, wearing black school Gakuran. His back was facing me and I could see he held a long sword.  _How can he have that kind of weapon?! Who is he?_

"Shinji-kun! Are you alright?!" The taller boy asked me in panic. He turned his face to me and I could see his crimson eyes painted in worry. I stared at him confusedly.  _For someone like me who definitely was a stranger for him, how can he have that kind of look?_

"Who are you?" The question came out from my mouth unconsciously. I too was surprised by myself.

The crimson eyes boy simply smiled and looked at me gently. "It seems that you're just fine. Here, let me help you." He gave me his right hand and for a moment I stared it before I took it hesitantly.

"Thank you." I quickly stood up as he pulled me slowly. Then I realized that my body had stopped shaking and strangely the fear had subsided. I looked at my both hands and knitted my brows in confusion.  _Why? I was so afraid just seconds ago..._

"For now, please step back, Shinji-kun." His gentle voice brought my gaze to him. I stared confusedly at him again. "Why are you helping me?" In whispered tone, I asked him. I still didn't understand what exactly happened. Everything made my mind in mess. I looked at him, wondering what his answer is. But he only gave me a smile. "I'll be back soon."

Then he ran fast towards the Angels. I was totally surprised and I couldn't even say anything to him. I could only saw his back gradually moved away from me.

Just then, the Angels also came running simultaneously at him. I gasped in surprise and unconsciously shrieked out. Strangely I was scared that the boy couldn't fight that monsters and got hurt badly. He was a stranger for me but he helped me. I couldn't let him fight alone, but I knew I couldn't help him. I was badly frustrated with myself. I could only pray for his safety again and again.

I kept my eyes on him and I could see that he was incredibly skilled. The way he cut and killed the Angels with his long sword was really magnificent. It was fast and flawless. He cut them one by one easily. He was absolutely agile and strong. Every movement of his sword made me gasped in awe.

It was only just a few minutes before he stood straight around the Angels dead bodies. His long sword was stained with blood but his clothes looked just fine. There was no blood splattered on it. Then he immediately swung his long sword to get rid of the bloodstain and quickly walked towards me. Just when he had turned his back from the Angels dead bodies, those dead bodies suddenly turned into black mist.

I could only stare at that horrible view blankly with mixed feeling. It was fear, confusion, and relief. But as my eyes glanced at the grey haired boy who had saved me, I was once again overwhelmed with confusion at his identity. He approached me with big steps and a smile on his face. He looked strangely relaxed to me even though he had fought the Angels just a few minutes ago.

As I kept staring at him, I realized that he was wearing a bit unusual black Gakuran uniform. The top had a standing collar buttoning down from top-to-bottom. The coat was zipped and there was a red line on every tip of the coat from the neck line of the standing collar until the zip line, tip line of sleeves, and lower tip line of the coat. I didn't recognize that kind of uniform and I believed that there wasn't any school uniform like that in this area.

Just then, my eyes were fixated on his figure. His light grey hair was so contrast with his full black clothes. He has a short uneven layers and spikey haircut that stood up from the back of head with medium-length straight bangs, which was thickened on the forehead, nearly covering his eyes. The colour of his hair felt a bit fitted with his very pale skin. Only his blazing red blood eyes that was different.

I could say that he indeed was very handsome. Even I as a male felt a bit attractiveness in him. He also was taller than me with lean yet muscular build. I almost couldn't take my eyes from him. But then when he had neared me enough, he stopped his steps and asked me with a low husky tone. "Are you alright?"

I blinked in surprised. I never thought he could still be worried about my state. I quickly answered. "I'm fine. What about you?"

He chuckled lightly as he heard my question. "I'm perfectly fine, Shinji-kun. You don't have to worry about me."

I furrowed my brows as I heard he said my name. "How can you know my name? Who are you?"

He suddenly looked faintly sad even when he smiled. His crimson eyes seemed clouded with pain and sadness. It caught me off guard but I could only stare at him confusedly.

"Kaworu. My name is Nagisa Kaworu, Shinji-kun." He said his name as he stared me intensely.

 _Nagisa Kaworu. Nagisa-kun_. I repeatedly said his name in my mind. Every time I mentally said his name, strangely it felt familiar to me. I didn't understand why but somehow I felt that I knew that name very well.

"Na...nagisa-kun, thank you for helping me." I pulled my lips into smile as I hesitantly said his name. But in an instant when I said his name, I felt an odd feeling of contentment and joy. It almost brought me into tears though I was clueless about the reason of it.

"You can call me Kaworu, Shinji-kun." He suddenly said that and it caught me off guard.

I replied in stutter. "It-it's impossible, Nagisa-kun. We just barely met and I still didn't know you."

He let out a soft small sigh. "You're right. You barely know me..." He turned his gaze sideway. I could see a tint of sadness once again inside those crimson eyes.

"W-well, you can tell me more about you Nagisa-kun. After all you only tell me your name." I awkwardly smiled and tried to lighten up the mood even just a bit. "And you still haven't answered all of my question." I stared at him, waiting for his reply. Then he looked at me again with a wider smile.

"Right, I should answer that too. But shouldn't you feel cautious around me? You barely know me right?" Nagisa sounded as if he was teasing me with an innocent look. I could only stared blankly and blinked in surprised.

"I-I believe you, Nagisa-kun..." I quickly replied but I felt a sudden embarrassment. I could feel my face got hotter than before. I immediately turned my face sideway. "Also you're my saviour, so I can't bring myself to doubt you..." I kept my gaze away from his face. Strangely I couldn't bear to see his face at this moment.

"Thank you, Shinji-kun. I'm glad you believe in me."

His sudden words made me glanced at his face instantly. Then I was surprised by his gentle look as if he saw something so dearly to him. My eyes widened reflexively but I quickly took my gaze off him. My heart suddenly pulsated and my chest suddenly tightened. It wasn't a feeling of fear. But my heart was beating faster and made my breath stopped for a second. I clutched my shirt to calm myself.  _What is this feeling? Why is my heart beating like this?!_

I was puzzled and my mind was in panic. I kept trying to calm down my heart mentally. But then Nagisa suddenly touched my face and turned my face. I was forced to facing him with his hand on my right cheek and the warmth that I felt from his hand made my heart throbbing even faster. I looked at his eyes straight perplexedly. "Wha-what is it, Nagisa-kun?"

"Your face looks kind of a bit red, so I thought you're feeling sick. But I don't really know so are you feeling fine, Shinji-kun?" Nagisa looked at me as if he truly worried about me. His face was painted with worry and anxiety. Somehow it made me happy to know he was worry about me. But his touch still made me went pit a pat, so I couldn't feel happy at all.

I slowly moved his hand on my face. "I'm really fine, Kaworu-kun." Just as I said the name, my eyes widened reflexively. I was utterly surprised with myself.  _How could I say his last name that easily?! Why did it feel just right? How embarrassing!_

"Shinji-kun, you finally called me by my last name." He smiled in utterly bliss. I simply knitted my brows confusedly at his strange respond. "I prefer you call me that, Shinji-kun." He simply smiled again and I was lost at words.

I couldn't understand why he was so kind to me and why he felt familiar to me. I didn't even understand with myself as how easily I trust him. I had no recollection of meeting him but I couldn't deny the familiarity that I felt from him. W _hy it seems that I do know this person even though I don't have any memories of him? Just who are you exactly, Kaworu-kun?_


	2. The Encounter Part 2

_i_ _talic words : thoughts_

**_(...) :_ ** **memories**

**Shinji POV**

* * *

 The wind blew slowly, carrying the smell of blood through the air. The smell was getting stronger for every seconds and it made me my mind lightheaded. I couldn’t take a glance at the dreadful sight of dead bodies on the road ahead.

The Pandora’s gate had closed precisely when Kaworu had killed all the Angels. I felt a bit at ease for that but the aftermath of the Angels assault was unbearably terrified me. I kept my gaze sideway. “Ka...kaworu-kun...” I called him hesitantly.

“What is it, Shinji-kun?” He curtly replied.

“Don’t you think it’s better to call police? We can’t let this place just like this...” I said it while keeping my eyes off from that bloody scenery.

“It’s fine, Shinji-kun. SEELE’s Eraser will do the job.”

“SEELE?” I took a glance on him confusedly. “It’s not NERV?”

Kaworu nodded in response. “The Eraser is a special force that belongs directly to SEELE. They act behind the scenes and just like a support team for NERV.”

Kaworu casually answered me while he sheathed his long sword relaxingly to its scabbard that was hanging on his waist. When the sword had sheathed into its scabbard, Kaworu said something. Then suddenly, it was shrinking and turning into a small silver sword with an ornamental silver chain on his hand. Kaworu immediately wore it around his neck and the long sword had become a silver necklace just in instance.

I stared and blinked several times in surprise by the mechanism of the weapon. I couldn’t help but wondering what that weapon exactly was. As I kept my gaze on him, I realized that he was also staring at me silently. I was perplexed by his intense gaze and his serious look. He looked like he was thinking about something.

Then he walked approaching me in slow relaxed steps. “NERV act as the main force and the frontline in the war between human and Angels, but NERV is just a military organization. The one who hold the most powerful control is SEELE.”

I stared at him with knitted brows. “I knew about NERV since news sometimes writes about the Angels attack, but I never heard about SEELE.”

“Well, SEELE is a secret organization, Shinji-kun. SEELE never come out openly, but SEELE is NERV’s founder and they have direct control over NERV while being observer in front.” Kaworu stopped his steps as he merely three steps away from me. “We better leave, Shinji-kun. I know you’re feeling sick because of that right?”

Kaworu glanced at that dreadful sight behind him. I followed his gaze but immediately averted my eyes from it. I still couldn’t see that bloody sight calmly. “You’re right. We better leave soon.”

Then Kaworu suddenly took my right hand and held it firmly. He abruptly pulled me as he started to walk away from that place.

I was startled and instantly asked him in stutter. “Ka-kaworu-kun?! Wha-?!! Ple-please wait!!” I couldn’t help but to let him pulled me but the sudden action still made me incredibly surprised.

Kawou simply turned his face and smiled gently. “Let’s talk at your house, Shinji-kun.” He walked a bit faster and pulled me even stronger.

My eyes widened in response. “Wha-what?! Why you suddenly-?!!” I almost stumbled down as he said that. But his strong grip prevented me to fall down. He gave me a gentle look and I felt embarrassed all of sudden.

Kaworu turned his face back and a serious look suddenly painted on his face. “Shinji-kun, you asked me about who I am right?”

I suddenly remembered of what he said a few moments ago. “Right! And how do you know my name?!”

“I know you because I know your mother.” He glanced back at me. “She’s Ayanami Yui, right?”

My eyes widened as I heard my mother’s name. “How can you know her?!”

“That’s because she’s a scientist who is affiliated with NERV.”

“What?!! How can that be?! She never told me about that!” I abruptly raised my voice in panic and shock. I quickly caught up with him and stood before him. Kaworu stopped his steps instantly. But he kept his hand holding mine and even grabbed it tighter than before. I flinched in response but I stayed still firmly, glaring straight at him.

Kaworu looked at me with a firm gaze. “I believe she couldn’t say it, Shinji-kun. All the personnel that work for NERV are bound by confidential contract and all the information related NERV can’t be disclosed.”

“Then how can you....” I trailed off. I suddenly recalled how strong he was when he fought the Angels and the fact that he had a weapon. I immediately realized that Kaworu wasn’t just a normal high school student like me. I hesitantly asked. “Kaworu-kun, are you perhaps affiliated with NERV?”

Kaworu stayed silent for a while before he replied. “Right, I’m a soldier of NERV, Shinji-kun. My job is to fight and killed the Angels.”

I gasped in surprise. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that Kaworu was a soldier of NERV. He was still young and I believed he was in the same age as me. Being a soldier of NERV meant that he had to fight the Angels as a frontline and fighting the Angels wasn’t a simple and easy matter. It could cost your life.

“How...how can you become a soldier, Kaworu-kun? It’s so dangerous...” I asked him in disbelief. There was a part of me that couldn’t accept the truth about Kaworu’s identity. Somehow I didn’t want him to become a soldier. It made my chest tightened in pain and I didn’t like how it felt.

Kaworu smiled gently and said, “It’s my choice, Shinji-kun.” Kaworu gazed straight to my eyes deeply. “I have something that I have to protect even if it costs my life.”

His voice was unshakably firm. He had a determined and strong look. I was captivated at first but I still couldn’t shake off this strange feeling of sadness and pain. I sighed resignedly. “I’m sorry, Kaworu-kun. It isn’t my place to say anything about it.”

“It’s fine, Shinji-kun.” He shook his head slowly. “I’m glad you’re worried about me.” He gave me a gentle and kind smile again. This kind of smile strangely always gave me reassurance. It softened my feeling and it felt really nice.

But I realized that Kaworu openly said about his true identity even though he said that NERV related matters were confidential. I asked him timidly. “Then....why you tell me about this, Kaworu-kun...? You said that all personnel of NERV can’t disclose any information about NERV related matters...”

Kaworu fell in silence for a while before he suddenly replied with a pained gaze. “I....have to tell you....regardless of everything, Shinji-kun.”

He suddenly neared his face and put his forehead against mine. I was incredibly surprised but before I could say anything, he abruptly said, “From now, you can’t be a normal person again, Shinji-kun.” He closed his eyes as if he was in pain.

Kaworu’s low husky voice somehow filled with sadness. I stared up at his face that was so close to mine. I was surprised by his sudden demeanour but he really looked so much in pain. I couldn’t bring myself to push him away. I could only stare up at his face confusedly. “Kaworu...kun...?”

He fell in silence once again and I didn’t know what I had to do. Kaworu’s sudden change always got me surprised. At first he seemed in joy but then he looked me with a pained and sad look. His intimate and close contact also made me surprised. I might be didn’t feel disgusted or uncomfortable with it but I couldn’t easily adapt with that kind of intimacy.

The only reason I could accept his close contact was because of the familiarity that I felt from him. That feeling made me couldn’t hurt his feeling. I couldn’t bring myself to hate or get angry at him.

“Kaworu-kun...” I hesitantly called him. “I don’t understand what you want to say...but I understand one thing.”

Kaworu opened his eyes and drew back his forehead that touched mine. He looked at me with a curious gaze.

I instantly smiled, seeing his blank curious look. “There’s something that you have to tell me no matter what happen, right?”

Kaworu nodded in silence. I continued, “Then please tell me. Please explain to me more about you.” I firmly stared up at his eyes and smiled, “And of course about my mother too, Kaworu-kun.”

Kaworu’s eyes got widened in surprise. But then his face turned into a gentle and kind look and he smiled softly. “Of course, Shinji-kun. If that’s what you want.”

Then Kaworu pulled me again as he started to walk again. I let him pulled me and kept holding at his hand since strangely I couldn’t bring myself to release it. It was embarrassing but I didn’t hate it at all. Actually it was strangely comforting. I walked by his side and fell into silence before he suddenly asked me, “Shinji-kun, I will tell you about whatever you want to know. But can you promise me that you’ll do me a favour?”

 I glanced at him and furrowed my brows confusedly. “Can you tell me what that is?”

He shook his head slowly. “I’ll ask after I answer all of your question. Can you promise me?”

I felt hesitant at first but I knew that there were many things that I had to know. What Kaworu said about me that couldn’t be a normal person again or about my mother, it made me felt extremely curious. I had a feeling that I couldn’t let this chance slip by. I didn’t even know if I could meet him again someday.

Then I nodded in response. “I promise, Kaworu-kun.”

He smiled gently in reply. “Thank you, Shinji-kun.” He turned his face back and looked at the road ahead. I glanced and saw his contented look. Kaworu’s mood seemed had gotten lighter and I felt a bit happy for that. It strangely eased me up when I saw him smiling, even though it also made my heart thumped loudly.

Gradually I felt a bit awkward with the silence and I tried to make some conversation. I carefully said, "Are you really going to my house, Kaworu-kun?" I peeked and took a glance of his face, waiting for his answer. I saw him smiling in joy.

"Well....We’ll have a long talk so it’s better to do it in a comfortable place." He turned his face and looked at me. "Or maybe you don’t want it? If you don’t want to go to your house then it’s fine, Shinji-kun. I won’t force you."

He once again gave me a gentle smile. I merely stare at him blankly. His smile got me surprised. I knew that Kaworu was attractive, but my chest always got tightened and my heart thumped loudly every time I saw his smile. I abruptly shook my head almost violently as I tried to dismiss this odd feeling.

“It’s not like that, Kaworu-kun.” I averted my gaze as I felt a sudden embarrassment. “It just caught me off guard. I never have friends coming to my house before....”

“Why? You never invite anyone?” The disbelief tone he said made me hesitant to answer it, but as I took a glance on him and saw his innocent look, I couldn’t brush it off.

I answer it hesitantly in a whispered voice. “I....don’t have friends....” I averted my gaze again as I felt pathetic over myself. _Why did I tell him that?!!_

“Then am I your first friend?”

Kaworu’s sudden question made me glanced at him wide eyes. I blinked several times as I looked at his happy face. I could only gasp with blank face since I didn’t grasp why looked at me like that.

“I think....” I smiled awkwardly as I replied in soft whispered voice.

“I’m so happy to hear it, Shinji-kun.” He said it with a very delightful tone. I couldn’t help but to smile in response. It felt strange for me to befriend with someone that I barely knew. I was sure that this was the first time Kaworu and I met, despite the familiarity that I kept feeling it since before. _Maybe that familiar feeling is also making me unafraid of him._

I was busily thinking in my head while staring down at the street as I walked. Then Kaworu abruptly asked me again. “Shinji-kun, you’re a second year high school student right?”

I glanced at him instantly and nodded. He continued, “Then you’re now seventeen years old....”

I felt confused and asked, “Why are you asking me that?”

Kaworu gave me a vague smile. Then he looked up at the sky. “No, it’s nothing. It just that three years seems are too long for me, even though I once thought that living was meaningless. But now every second feels precious for me...” After he said that, Kaworu looked at me with a longing in his eye and he gripped my hand tighter. I could only stare at him. _Three years...? What is he talking about?_

“Shinji-kun, do you know that your mother is a researcher?” Kaworu abruptly asked.

I was caught off guard first but I quickly nodded and replied, “I knew that from my aunt.”

“Your mother’s sister?”

I bent my head down and nodded weakly. “My mother was always busy with her works and she hardly came home. When I was five years old, my mother entrusted me fully to her sister. She looked after me for eleven years before....” I got confused suddenly. Somehow the memories when I was fourteen years old were kind of vague. I couldn’t recall anything even if I tried. _Why? Why can’t I remember anything....?_

“Shinji-kun?”

Kaworu’s voice suddenly brought me back from my thoughts. I unconsciously had stopped walking. I immediately faced him and saw Kaworu looked me with a gaze full of worry. I quickly put on a smile to ease him up. “I’m fine, Kaworu-kun. It just...that....my memories got jumbled up.”

Kaworu still looked at me worriedly. “Don’t push yourself too much.” Kaworu suddenly patted my head with his other hand. He smiled gently but a worried look still painted on his face. “If it’s painful for you to remember, it’s better to just let it be.”

I stared at his crimson eyes straight perplexedly. I never thought he would be that worried over me. But somehow for a moment, I could see a faint of forlorn look in his eyes.

Kaworu smiled once again before he walked and pulled me again. The words Kaworu said before kept repeating in my mind. I felt that he didn’t want me to remember about my missing memories and that felt really weird.

The only thing that I perfectly remembered was a memory of me waking up at hospital. I still strongly remembered how impassive I was at that time as if I lost all of my emotions. I couldn’t felt sad or happy at all. It was incredibly distressing me even until now.

My aunt was the only person that cared for me at that time. She was the one who told me the very reason of me being hospitalized. I still could remember how worried she was when she knew I was hospitalized three years ago....

* * *

**_(A gust of wind softly blew into this desolate room of mine. The wind stroke my skin and it made me shuddered unconsciously. I folded my knees and hugged it closely. Then I stared blankly at the open sky ahead from the unclosed window._ **

**_Suddenly the door was slid opened. I turned my face to see who came into this bland hospital room. There was one middle aged woman looked at me with a worried look. When my gaze met with her, her lips instantly turned into a smile. Her worried look was replaced with a relieved look._ **

**_Then she walked into the room in hurry. She neared me and abruptly took my right hand. She held it tightly. I was incredibly surprised and let out a sudden shriek. She heard it and suddenly said, “Relax, Shinji-kun. It’s me, Hikaru, your aunt.”_ **

**_My eyes widened in surprise. I recalled her face straightaway as she said her name. “Hikaru-san....”_ **

**_She smiled gently as she patted my head. “I’m so worried about you. They suddenly called me that you got into that terrible incident and you got hurt badly. I was afraid that you won’t wake up, Shinji-kun...” She said it with tears slowly fell down from her deep blue eyes._ **

**_My chest tightened as I saw her tears. “I’m sorry, aunty. I’m sorry....”_ **

**_“Don’t apologize, Shinji-kun. It’s not your fault.” She wiped her tears quickly and smiled. “It’s great that now you’ve woken up. How do you feel?” She sat on my bed side and gazed me seriously._ **

**_I smiled awkwardly. “I’m fine...I think.”_ **

**_“They said that you’ve got some memory loss. Is it true?”_ **

**_I stared at her with wide eyes before I answered it. “I believe so, since I didn’t remember what made me fell into coma state...also somehow I don’t have any memories of last year.”_ **

**_She gasped in surprise. “You....you don’t remember anything?”_ **

**_I shook my head slowly and bent my head down. “Some people in black suit came yesterday. They said that I got into a car accident. The crash was badly hurt me, especially my head. That’s why I fell into a coma and lost some memories.” I glanced up timidly. “Is that true, aunty?”_ **

**_She averted her eyes and she looked like somewhat hesitant to answer me. After for one full minute, she finally answered, “I.....I’m sorry, Shinji-kun...” She bent her head down droopily. “I couldn’t protect you well. Your mother entrusted you to me but I couldn’t protect you....I....I thought that man will keep you in safe....but he.....” Tears slowly fell down from her eyes again. She let out small stifled sobs as the tears kept flowing down._ **

**_I was badly surprised and I quickly held her hand tighter. “Aunty, what happens...? Why are you suddenly...”_ **

**_“Shinji-kun, what had happened...I mean about your memories....just let it be.” She abruptly said with her eyes looked straight into mine. “From now on, you’re just a normal teenager. I won’t let that man took you again.”_ **

**_I furrowed my brows confusedly. “What are you saying, aunty? I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Who is this man that you said?”_ **

**_“It doesn’t matter now, Shinji-kun. Trust me, you’ll be just fine.” She smiled as she caressed my left cheek gently. I stared at her confusedly. I still didn’t understand anything and she looked like she wouldn’t tell me anything. I was mentally anxious and frustrated, but I had a feeling that it’s better to forget everything. Somehow I was scared to regain my memories. It felt really strange but I couldn’t deny it._ **

**_I kept staring at her before I resigned to accept her offer with a nod and smile. After all, I only have my aunt now....)_ **

* * *

 I was deep in my thoughts and I wasn’t aware of my surrounding. I let myself pulled by Kaworu’s strong hand before I unexpectedly bumped into something. "Ouch! What hap-". I instantly stroked my nose that was in pain because of the collide. I quickly looked up.

My eyes widened as I realized that I was collided with Kaworu's broad back. Kaworu simply turned his face and smiled as he looked at me. “You look so serious before, Shinji-kun. May I know what made you so deep in thoughts?”

I was slightly surprised at his sudden question and immediately shook my head. “Nothing, I’m just remembering something...”

“Is that so...” Kaworu looked at me with a contemplated look for a while. I tensed as he stared hard at me and my heart pulsated again suddenly. I could even felt my face strangely got hotter. I quickly averted my gaze.  _There really is something weird with me!_  

I tried to calm myself, but then Kaworu suddenly said, "This is where you live, isn't?"

I immediately reacted and looked at him. Then I saw he was looking at the building behind him. I followed his gaze and I saw the apartment where I lived. I blinked several times as I felt a bit confused. _How can he know where I live...?_

I glanced at him and nodded. Kaworu saw that and walked into the apartment. He didn’t say anything and simply pulled me again with his hold on my hand.

I let out a sigh, not knowing if it's because I was nervous or just because I was simply exhausted. I looked at Kaworu's broad back once again and my heart throbbed faster again. I really hope this strange feeling would disappear, but then I knew fully that I had no control of it. I could only hope Kaworu wouldn’t realize my strange demeanor.


	3. The Encounter Part 3

italic words: thoughts

**(...) : memories**

* * *

 In the unbroken silence, we kept walking side by side with his hand still held mine tight. This sight of us should be seen weird but there wasn’t anyone there who could see us. The absence of people’s presence all through the way made me could muster up my courage to keep this daring act. But the warmth of his hand made the loud thumping sound of my heart kept going faster and faster.

Shortly, we arrived at my small apartment room. It was the fourth room from six rooms on the highest third floor. Kaworu glanced at me and smiled, “Here we are, right?”

I simply replied it with a nod and an awkward smile. _How can he also know where my room is?!!_

Kaworu then let go of my hand and he stepped back to let me open the door. I felt a bit of disappointment when his warmth was replaced by a cold sense of the air. But I quickly shook my head, regaining sense from that weird thought, then immediately opened the door with the key on my left chest pocket.

As the click sound was heard, I opened the door wide and glanced to Kaworu. "Please come inside, Kaworu-kun."

Kaworu nodded and without further ado, he went inside. I followed him and closed the door. I glanced to see him, only to catch his serious look while staring at the front door and the surroundings in silence.

I found his action was weird and quickly asked, "What happens? Is there something...?"

"No, it's fine. I just want to know if your mother left some protection for you or not. But it seemed like she did." Kaworu stared up at small black boxes glued at the each side of the front wall. I followed his gaze and saw the boxes. Then I realized that Kaworu knew those things.

"What are those? Some kind of protection of what?" I looked at him confusedly. Kaworu simply smiled and he strode ahead, entering my house. I raised an eyebrow and stared at him confusedly.

Kaworu kept walking inside and reached the living room. Then he turned his face and said, “You’re not coming?” His blunt tone made me flinched a bit in surprised. But I could only let out an empty laugh and strolled quickly, following him behind. _This is supposed to be my house, isn’t it?!_

Inside the living room, there were two couches, facing each other with small long coffee table in the middle. Kaworu casually took a sit on the couch at the right side. I simply watched him silently before I realized I had to offer him something.

“Kaworu-kun, do you want some drink and snacks?”

Kaworu glanced at me and smiled, “Just a drink, Shinji-kun.”

“Okay, what do you want?” I quickly walked to the refrigerator in the kitchen. “I think I have orange juice...or do you want to drink milk?” I opened the refrigerator and scanned for cold drinks inside.

“Just water is fine.”

I immediately turned my face to him. “Eh? Are you sure? It’s fine to drink some, Kaworu-kun.”

“Don’t bother yourself. I’m fine with that.” Kaworu smiled casually.

I shrugged off and took a bottle of cold water. I put the bottle on the sideboard and took a glass from the cupboard above me right away after closing the refrigerator. But the glasses were on the upper rack inside the cupboard and it troubled me slightly to take it. I stood on my tiptoe but it hardly reached the glass.

After a long hard try, I finally touch one and quickly grabbed it. But suddenly I lost my balance and stumbled down with my back first. I instantly closed my eyes tight and prepared myself for the impact. Strangely, there was none.

There was only a warm sensation on my back and I could feel a tight clutch around my waist. I quickly opened my eyes. I turned my face and saw Kaworu smiling behind me. My eyes went wide in surprise. I instantly realized that Kaworu had taken a hold of me before I fell down flat on the floor.

“Ka-Kaworu-Kun!!” I reflexively shouted in surprise.

Kaworu looked at me with gentle eyes and he simply curled his lips in a casual smile. “Are you alright?”

I nodded in panic. The sudden closeness made my heart beat louder. My mind went blank and I loss any words to say. Kaworu suddenly took the glass from my hand and slowly released his grab on my waist. “Be careful, Shinji-kun. You almost fell over.”

“Th-thank you, I’ll be more careful.” I turned my body to face him. But I couldn’t look at his eyes and kept my gaze down. I could even feel my face hotter, feeling more and more embarrassed.

“It’s alright. I’ll do this by myself.” Kaworu casually took the bottle of cold water and poured the cold water into the glass.

I saw what he did and quickly tugged his shirt. “Kaworu-kun, it’s fine. I’ll do it for you.”

He simply took a glance at me before he took another glass and poured it with cold water too. Then he gave one glass to me. “Here, it’s for you.”

I blinked and stared at him bewilderedly. I took the glass he offered hesitantly. I saw he drank the cold water slowly before he suddenly asked, “Don’t you feel lonely, Shinji-kun? You’re the only one who lives here, right?”

I got stiffened for a moment but I immediately smiled while staring down at the glass I held. “I’m already used to it. So...it doesn’t felt that bad anymore. And I was the one that chose to live by myself.”

“You used to live with your aunt right? Why did you leave?”

His direct question gave me a sudden twinge in my chest. I frowned a bit, enduring the pain. But I knew that he merely asked out of curiosity. I silently inhaled, easing the pain inside. “My aunt has a big family. She has...her own family to look after. When I knew that my mother left me some legacy that plenty enough for me to live alone, I decided to live alone two years ago.”

“Is it painful to live with your aunt?”

I flinched in surprise as I heard the sudden query, voiced with a clear and benign tone. I became gradually tensed. “N-no, that’s not it...” I stuttered unwittingly. “I...was afraid...I didn’t know why but...at that time I was afraid to accept her kindness...” My voice began to tremble. I didn’t really want to remember that time when I was too childish and pathetic. I lowered my gaze down.

Suddenly Kaworu’s both hands cupped mine that were holding the glass. The sudden warmth engulfed me and rubbed out all my unknown fear. My eyes automatically widened as I saw his hand. I was about to let out a voice before he suddenly said, “I had perfectly understood that people always feel pain in their hearts.” I looked up to see his face, only to meet with his sad and upset eyes.

Kaworu brought his right hand to brush the unexpected tears on my eyes. “The heart is easy to wound, that’s why living feels painful.” He put up a smile but it looked strangely heart-breaking and sad. He caressed my cheek gently. “But for me, that fragile heart of yours is worthy of love and kindness.”

“Worthy of love...?” I uttered softly.

Kaworu gazed me deeply with a gently smile on his face. He softly and huskily whispered. “It means that if it’s for you, I can do my best to give you the happiness you want.”

My eyes widened instantly. _Worthy of love and kindness..._ I stiffened still bewilderedly. I didn’t fully understand what Kaworu had said, but I could feel the honesty and kindness behind those words. I felt that I wanted to know more about him and get closer than we already were. _If only I had known about Kaworu three years ago, maybe I wouldn’t be down in the dumps and afraid to accept others love like my pathetic self was..._

I flinched a bit in surprise as I realized that strange thoughts of mine. I quickly shook my head, diminishing those thoughts. I nervously curled my lips into smile. “Thank you, Kaworu-kun. I also hope for your happiness.” I took off his hand that caressing my right cheek gently. “I...I’ll try to be kind and lo-lo-love you as far as I can...” I looked sideway as I said it in stutter. _It’s kinda embarrassing!!! How can Kaworu easily say that?!!_

Then I heard a soft chuckle. “That will be an honour for me, Shinji-kun.”

I immediately glanced at him. I blinked thrice as I felt unbelievably curious at his words. But he suddenly took his glass and the glass that I held before he walked off. “Let’s talk while sit, Shinji-kun. You said that you want to know more right?”

I stood still perplexedly for a moment, but I quickly followed him to the couches at the living room. Kaworu put both glasses on the small long coffee table that was between two couches. We were sat across each other and I felt a sudden awkwardness in the air.

But Kaworu quickly let out a voice, “Then, Shinji-kun, what would you want to know first? Or is it better if I explain first?”

I fell in silence as I contemplated of what I wanted to know. Then, I carefully asked, "Kaworu-kun, can you tell me more about my mother's work?" I looked at him straight sincerely.

Then I saw Kaworu nodded in response. "Your mother worked for NERV since her college days. She was a talented scientist and she helped NERV discovering many things about the Angel. Her death was...a very unfortunate incident." Kaworu gazed me with a sad look.

I could only smile bitterly. "Actually, I...don't really have much memories about her." I set my eyes down. "I can barely remember her. It sounds weird, I know, but I can't even remember how she died. I was told by my aunt that she was died in car accident too three years ago before my accident. But I didn’t know when it exactly happened. There’s...only a weird feeling of losing something so important for me when I woke up from my coma.”

"Shinji-kun..." Kaworu's voice filled with sadness and it made me instantly looked up to him. I saw his eyes reflected a heart-breaking look.

I smiled nervously. "That's why, Kaworu-kun, I want to know more about her so that I can be sure of my own memories."

"Shinji-kun, there's a way for you to know more about your mother." Kaworu suddenly sounded so serious. He looked at my eyes straight while there was a faint of sadness within. "But...you have to sacrifice your peaceful life and maybe...You can’t go back until everything is over."

I furrowed my brows confusedly. "Wha-what do you mean...?

Kaworu looked down for a while before answering me. "You might be entrapped in pain, despair, and sorrow. I no longer can protect you from those painful feelings..." His eyes reflected a conflicted feeling. He seemed didn't like the idea that he suggested to me.

I felt a bit hesitant but I began to feel incredibly curious. I hesitantly said, “As long as you’re there, I’ll be fine...I think...”

Kaworu finally gave me a gentle smile before he took a deep breath. "Alright...Shinji-kun, the truth is, you are a Sacred Child, just like me. And it means you're obliged to become NERV's soldier." His voice became lower and his face looked very serious.

I was completely taken back. I asked him bewilderedly. "Sacred Child? What are you talking about, Kaworu-kun?"

He replied immediately. "The Sacred Children are the children who hereditary have Alpha's DNA mixed in their own DNA. You know about the Alpha, right?" Kaworu bent his body forward as he asked me. I nodded as an answer. Then, Kaworu continued his talking.

"The Alpha Meteorite actually was an organism and extra-terrestrial being that crashed into earth more than billion years ago. The crashed incident led to major extinction on earth in the ancient times. We called it the First Impact." He entwined his fingers on his lap tightly and lowered his gaze. "After many years, the Alpha was buried deep down until SEELE found it at South Pole, Antarctic in 20th Century."

"Wait, I know about that. I read some news about that incident." I promptly cut him. "If I'm not wrong, it was about the First Contact Experiment, right? Is my mother worked on that?"

Kaworu blinked in surprise of my sudden burst but then he smiled. "Yes, your mother worked on that experiment when they became the researchers belonged to Katsuragi Expedition Team."

Kaworu suddenly set his gaze down. His face was darken and looked very sad. I frowned confusedly, seeing his face. _Why does Kaworu always look sad at the mention of my mother?_ I began to wonder the reason behind his sad look and I wanted to ask him. But as I realized that he was trying his best to explain things to me, I decided to keep silent.

"However, an unfortunate accident happened." He continued. "The First Contact Experiment caused the Alpha to be awaken and it led to major incident, we called it The Second Impact, which was become the key that led the appearing of the Gate and The Angel." Kaworu looked up to me with those sad eyes. I couldn't help but wondering why he looked at me like that.

"When the Second Impact happened 17 years ago, your mother, Ayanami Yui, was one of many researchers who were contaminated by the Alpha."

My eyes went wide in surprise. "Wha-what do you mean by 'contaminated'?" I stuttered in panic. Anxious and confusion quickly filled my heart. _Why am I feeling so anxious?_

Kaworu looked straight at me solemnly. "Alpha Meteorite was a Seed of Life and progenitor of Angel." He replied. "When the Second Impact occurred, the awakened Alpha manifested Anti-A.T Field and altered the local atmospheric elements as it opened a huge Gate on the atmosphere for the first time. The poisonous black mist was gushed out from the Gate and it killed every living being."

He halted and took a deep breath. "The last remaining of Katsuragi Expedition Team blowing up the Alpha to close the Gate, but unfortunately before the explosion, Alpha succeeded to infiltrate the bodies of the remaining people of Katsuragi Expedition Team by injecting a measly portion of his body and made them contaminated."

I blinked thrice in surprise. "Contaminated...but my mother was fine! She never had those black spots that indicated the contamination!" I shout anxiously. "So it's...impossible..." I bent my head down in desperation. I could barely remember her so I didn’t have any confidence that there wasn’t any indication of Contamination within her body. But in my last memory of my mother eleven years ago, I clearly remembered how perfectly

"Shinji-kun, the black spots will appear only when the body had entered the last stage of contamination, which is impossible to cure. So if you never saw it, that means your mother concealed it perfectly."

I let out a sigh resignedly. I completely understood that the reason I didn't have much memories of her because she rarely came home. Even before I lost my memories three years ago, I believed I hadn't met her for years and that sudden news of her death only gave me a huge shock. I couldn't even accept and believe the news for about three months.

* * *

 

**_(The piercing white light suddenly slipped through my eyes and blinded me for a while. I instantly shut my eyes before I opened it again slowly._ **

**_I took glances at my surrounding. White ceiling, white painted wall, white blanket, an IV drips on my left side, and two people in white doctor robe talking to three people in black suit with black glasses in front of me._ **

**_I gradually realized that this place is hospital and for some reason, I was hospitalized. I wanted to get up but I couldn’t even lift my hand. I only could move my finger somehow. I tried to let out a voice but there was no sound. My whole body was stiffly unmovable._ **

**_I slowly felt anxious and I tried to call out those people. But then one of the people in black suit took a glance on me. He quickly notified the others with a whispered tone. “He had woken up, sir.”_ **

**_Two people in white doctor robe immediately turned to see me and approached me in hurry. One of them bend forward and looked at me seriously. “Can you hear me? Nod once if you can.”_ **

**_I stared blankly for a while before I nodded once. That doctor quickly said again, “Listen, you fell into coma for three months and I believe your body felt stiff and you can’t let out a clear voice. But try to answer all my questions, slowly with your voice. Do you understand?”_ **

**_I frowned confusedly but I nodded again. Then that doctor asked me, “Do you remember what made you hospitalized?”_ **

**_I looked away and thought for a moment. I tried to recall any kind of my memories before suddenly a pang of sharp pain pricked my head and I instantly shut my eyes in pain. I slowly opened my eyes again when the pain had gone._ **

**_I looked at the doctor and shook my head slowly. I took a deep breath before I tried to reply with my voice. “I...can’t re...member...any...thing.” My voice sounded badly hoarse and my throat was dried._ **

**_The doctor didn’t give me any seconds and quickly inquired me again. “Then, what is the last memory that you can remember?”_ **

**_“I...remembered that...I was called...by my aunt...in my way home.” I took a breath before I continued. “She said...I had a very...important call from someone.”_ **

**_The doctor suddenly fell silent and turned his face to the three people in black suit standing at my right side. I kept watching them and heard everything the doctor told them._ **

**_“It seems that this boy lost his recent memories. I can’t say it’s permanent or not, but there’s still a chance for his memories to return.”_ **

**_One of those people in black suit said, “It’s better then. We don’t want this boy caused any other trouble with his awakened power. The council had said that his memories are the seal, so we only have to prevent those memories to return.”_ **

**_“And how do you do that?” The doctor asked in curious tone._ **

**_The man turned his face at me and he suddenly gave me a smirk. I felt a sudden shiver and my eyes widened instantly. He said with a smug face. “Without that power, he’s just a little boy. We can easily detain him.”_ **

**_“Then why don’t you do it?” The doctor asked again._ **

**_“It’s because that fake human had made a deal with the Council. The boy will be under his surveillance.” He turned his face back to the doctor. “It feels infuriating, but well...that fake human has sacrificed his own self for this boy. He now fully obliges to obey the Council. And that’s good enough for the kind like him.”_ **

**_I kept hearing them talking but I couldn’t understand any of what that man said. I only felt that he was talking about me and someone. I felt incredibly curious and quickly asked, “What are you...talking about?”_ **

**_The man merely turned his face slightly and looked me with a disgusted look. “Listen, kid, you got into a car accident and your head was badly hurt. That’s why you fell into coma and about your memories, I think you got traumatized by the accident so it’s better if you don’t remember it.” The man then turned his face to other two people in black suit. “Let’s go and report everything to the Commander.”_ **

**_The man and the other two people immediately walked out but before he closed the door, he turned his face toward me. “And for your information, your mother had died in the...well, same accident like you.” Then he closed the door straight away._ **

**_My mind instantly went blank. I couldn’t think of anything and I was really bewildered. I could only stuttering as I repeat what he had said. “Di-died....my...my mother... had...died...”)_ **

* * *

 

The truth was really got me taken back. I could barely control my emotions. "Then...the truth is that my mother died because of the contamination?!" I shouted in disbelief. I couldn't believe anything. I couldn't believe why my aunt had lied to me about my mother’s death. _Is she trying to hide it from me? For what?!_

"She had you when that incident happened." Kaworu sudden reply brought me back from my thoughts. I reflexively looked up and met his gaze. "The treatment for the contamination can kill you since from the moment she was contaminated, you also got contaminated, Shinji-kun. Your mother didn't knew at first that she was pregnant but after the Second Impact, she gradually realized it."

I gasped soundlessly and bent me head down again slowly. "So, my mother was contaminated and because of the contamination I had that Alpha's DNA in me hereditary." My voice was shaking in disbelief. "Why?! For what purpose the Alpha did that?!" I cried out in despair and clutched tight my body.

"To create another Alpha, Shinji-kun."

I instantly reacted to the words and looked up to him slowly. "Another...Alpha?"

Kaworu nodded instantly. "The Alpha didn't die from the explosion, Shinji-kun. But he reduced into an embryonic state. He was collected aftermath the Second Impact and until now being kept in Terminal Dogma, inside NERV HQ, The Geo-Front Deepest Part."

I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "If he didn't die...then why did he need another Alpha?"

Kaworu inhaled softly. "Because functionally he couldn't finished his duty as the Seed of Life and lead his offspring, the Angel to conquer Earth from human as the solely being."

I gaped in realization. "That's why he needs the second Alpha, his substitute..." I lowered my gaze. "Then, the Sacred Children were the Seeds of Alpha?" My eyes widened as I sentenced the words. Suddenly my body trembled in fear. "I'm the humankind's threat. What is this?" I face palmed as I couldn't bear with the truth. I bent my head down until it touched my knees. I tried to swallow all the truth that was offered but it was incredibly hard.

"Shinji-kun, the Angel will try to consume us and claim back their progenitor, the Alpha." Kaworu continued to explain. "They only want Alpha to be revived. The Alpha will be once again awoken when all of the part of him was collected from the Sacred Children. That's why the Angel needs to consume us and becomes the key to awaken the Alpha."

"So actually we are the target...and they want to kill us..." I laughed dejectedly as I fell deeper into despair and sorrow.

"But we can fight back, Shinji-kun." Kaworu said in a firm tone. "NERV had made the only weapon that can kill the Angels."

I slowly looked up to him and I saw him smiling gently. I turned my gaze sideways. "Kaworu-kun, is the reason I was attacked this morning because they want to kill me?"I glanced back at him. "Why now? They didn't come for me all this time so why?"

"Did your mother ever give you some kind of charm or something like that?"

I blinked reflexively. I pondered of what he said to me and I recalled something. "My mother gave me a lucky charm when I was five years old. Why are you asking that, Kaworu-kun?"

Kaworu didn't bat an eye and kept looking at me seriously. "Did you bring that this morning when you went to school?"

I shook my head in response. "No, it seems I left it in my drawer. But I don't always bring it, so I think it doesn’t matter..."

Kaworu turned his gaze sideways. He looked like he was thinking about something. His face looked stern and serious. Then he glanced back to me. "The charm your mother gave you was a kind of device that can intervening Angel's telepathy signal. It's the same device with the black box at the entrance wall."

"Telepathy?"

Kaworu nodded and smiled. "Angels and Sacred Children somehow can detect each other existence with brain wavelength, just like dolphins. Even NERV supercomputer can't detect the appearance of Angels faster than when the Angels detect you." Kaworu clearly explained it to me while I merely dumbfounded.

"So, it was my fault...If I brought the charm, the Gate wouldn't open in that place." I gradually felt incredibly guilt and I remembered how people were killed by those Angels. I felt a sudden nauseous and I clapped my mouth with my hand.  _I felt like throwing up._

Suddenly, I felt a cold hand brushed my right cheek. I got surprised and glanced up to the owner of the hand. I saw Kaworu smiled at me warmly and softly. He was standing and bending so he could reach me since the small table were between us.

"It's not your fault, Shinji-kun."He caressed my cheek slowly. "The Angels can appear anywhere and anytime. What happened this morning was an unfortunate accident and you're just caught in that accident." Kaworu stared at me and smiled softly. It was strangely calming. I felt somehow relaxed and the nauseous disappeared completely.

"Kaworu-kun, why do I have feeling that I knew you before?" I stared straight at his red eyes. He was smiling but I saw a flick of sadness and longing from his red eyes. He replied in lower tone. "We are connected, Shinji-kun. Either it was because of Alpha or this fate."

I stared at his red eyes deeply.  _I'm a Sacred Child and I have power to kill the Angels. I also want to know more about my mother. There's no other option._

I touched his hand that stayed on my right cheek. "Kaworu-kun, I have to fight the Angel, right?" I grabbed his hand softly and resolutely stared into his beautiful red eyes.

Kaworu stared at me a while before he let go his touch on my cheek and grabbed my hand. "It's your choice, Shinji-kun. Still, the Angel will come to kill you whether you become NERV's soldier or not."

His red eyes reflected some sadness and he looked like as if he was in pain. I furrowed my brows in confused. Then I tried to reassuring him by smiling at him, even though I couldn’t shake the fear and uncertainty inside me. "Then, I'll become one, Kaworu-kun. I’ll fight the Angels."

Kaworu widened his eyes. Then he smiled bitterly and I felt his hand grabbing my hand harder than before.

Suddenly, there was a beeping noise, chiming loudly. I looked around, trying to search where it came from. Then I saw Kaworu reached his left pocket of his pants and took out his black smartphone. It seemed like Kaworu got a call. We let go of each other's hand automatically as Kaworu stood straight and answered the call.

I stared at him curiously. Kaworu was aware of my curiosity and turned the speaker on so that I could hear the conversation too.

Then I heard the women's voice from it. "It's time to head back, Nagisa Kaworu. Your job is done. Is Ayanami Shinji-kun with you?" The women said it very firmly. I guessed she was Kaworu's superior.

Kaworu looked at the screen seriously and replied. "Yes, he is with me and safe. Would you want me to bring him now, Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi?"

"Of course, now he's one of you. I expected you and Ayanami Shinji-kun arrived in one hour. Commander Ikari wishes to see him. I had told Shikinami Asuka to fetch you all. That's all I have to say." The women cut off the call after she finished her command. Kaworu put back his smartphone again after he put off the screen. Then he glanced at me and smiled.

"It seemed like you have to come with me now to the NERV HQ. What do you say?" Kaworu stared calmly at me. He was waiting for my answer. I secretly gulped. I felt a bit nervous all of sudden.

"Well, I had said that I'll be a soldier. Then, I should go, right?" I looked at Kaworu and smiled nervously.

Kaworu chuckled as response. "Well, usually you'll be given one week to prepare everything you need when you accepted as the NERV's employee." He offered his right hand to me. "Stand up, Shinji-kun. I believe Asuka has come." I looked at his hand for a while and smiled before I grabbed his hand. I stood up and saw him smiled. Then, Kaworu released his hand.

"Let's go, Shinji-kun." Kaworu walked off first. He swiftly went out of the living room. I quickly followed him. Before he reached the front door, I heard someone knocking the front door. Kaworu stopped his steps and turned his face to me. "I bet that's Asuka. She's a fast worker."

I hurriedly opened the door and found an orange long haired girl standing outside. She was pretty cute girl with smooth, straight long haircut and her long bangs were parted on her left side. She wore a yellow one-piece dress and brown boots. She was carrying a red purse on her right shoulder. Her face looked bored and she was staring at me sternly with her light blue eyes.

"Hmmm, so you're Ayanami Shinji-kun. You look very weak." She stared at me intently and examined my looks from top to down. I looked away as I felt uncomfortable by it. “Are you sure he is the Third?" She glanced at Kaworu.

Kaworu simply nodded and approached her as he walked outside. "Let's go. It’s better to leave fast."

"Don't tell me what to do, Fifth Child!" She glared at Kaworu. She looked like she didn’t like Kaworu. I totally thought that they would like close friends since they were comrades but I didn’t think so.

Kaworu sighed and shrugged off. She shot a glare again before she walked off first. Kaworu simply followed her. I was speechless but then I realized that I had to follow them. Quickly I walked out, closed the door and locked it. Then, I ran to catch them. I walked closely beside Kaworu since the girl who walked in front of us, felt a bit scary.

"Kaworu-kun, is she the same like you?" I abruptly asked.

"Yes, she is Shikinami Asuka, soldier from NERV and a sacred child too. She is the Second Child. Do you understand the meaning behind it, Shinji-kun?" Kaworu glanced at me and smirked playfully.

I shook my head in response. Kaworu suddenly stopped walking and he circled his hand around my shoulder. He neared his face closely while keeping his gaze straight at Asuka who was walking ahead. I flinched a bit by his touch and I could feel his breath on my right cheek. My heart suddenly throbbed faster.  _Again with this strange feeling!_

"Asuka was the second child who was discovered inheriting Alpha's DNA hereditary from her mother. She is also our senior in terms of position since she's ranked as Captain of the Euro force and has more experiences in fighting the angels." He said it in a very low and husky voice. I trembled slightly by his voice. I almost couldn't bear the closeness and the embarrassment. But Kaworu seemed didn't realize what he was doing to me and he continued. "She also became NERV's soldier at age 12."

Kaworu then raised his right hand and pointed at Asuka's wrist. "Can you see her scarlet armlet on her right hand? That's the same like this." Kaworu then pointed his necklace. "It called Evangelion, the only weapon that could destroy the Angel. But I gave mine a name. It's Infinity Sword."

I glanced at his necklace and then to the girl's armlet. It had different colour but the same thing.  _How it works actually?_  I was wondering about those weapons while staring at her armlet.

Suddenly Kaworu's voice broke my thoughts. "She's a bit brash and hard to approach but she's a nice girl." I glanced at him and he was smiling gently. "So endure her harsh attitude and don't mind it too much."

Then I realized Kaworu was worried about my feeling since Asuka's attitude was very harsh to me since the first time we met. I chuckled, feeling funny with his kind yet weird caring action. "If that's what you say, then I'll believe it, Kaworu-kun."

Kaworu smiled blissfully and his eyes gently staring at me. I was captivated by it until Asuka's voice brought me into reality again.

"Hurry up fast, you slowpoke! We can't make Commander Ikari wait too long!" Asuka shouted out as she was standing in front of a black sedan car. "Get into the car fast, you two."

Kaworu immediately released his grip around my shoulder and straightened up. He let out a long sigh and then glanced at me. "Right, we should go, Shinji-kun." He smiled again before he walked ahead to the black car.

I was frozen still on my feet. I realized I almost forgot he was so close to me and I still remembered how his breath touched my right cheek and how his soft husky voice was heard near my right ear. I could feel my face became hotter. But then I quickly shook my head in pretense to clear my head from past memory of his closeness. Then I immediately run to follow Kaworu behind and slowly approached the car.

 


	4. The Black Steel Prison

_**(....) : Memories** _

_italic words :  thoughts_

* * *

 

**(SHINJI'S POV)**

* * *

 

**_(“Shinji-kun, are you sure about this?”_ **

**_Her voice was filled with worry and her gaze piercing straight into my eyes. I believed she had realized my uneasiness. But I couldn’t let myself falter after all this time._ **

**_“I’m sure, aunty. I can live by myself.” I tried to keep my voice clear and firm._ **

**_She stared at me for a while before she finally said, “You’re only sixteen and it’s only a year after that accident. Why do you have to leave?”_ **

**_I set my eyes down. “I...feel calm...in that house where I and mom had lived together, even if it’s just for five years.” I slowly brought my eyes up to look at her. “Hikaru-san, I’m a high school student and the apartment isn’t far from here. I’ll come here every weekend but let me stay there. I beg you, aunty.”_ **

**_She sighed. “I can’t easily let minor to live without supervision like that. What if you get attacked by burglar or strange people?”_ **

**_“I know, but...” I stumbled at my words and looked away. I couldn’t really say that it’s because I felt somehow uncomfortable living in my aunt house. I felt hollow as if there was something that missing._ **

**_“Are you still worried about your memories?”_ **

**_Her sudden words gave me a surprise. I instantly glanced at her. “No, it’s not like that, Hikaru-san. I’m not that worried about it again. I’d been trying to remember about what happened in that one year, but I can’t. The only last memory is when you called on my way home from school that time.” I stopped my words and looked at her hesitantly. “You still won’t tell me about that call right?”_ **

**_Her eyes widened instantly. But she quickly regained her composure. “You don’t need to know that, Shinji-kun.” She firmly said. “That call was a mistake.”_ **

**_I sighed resignedly. “Then, I won’t ask again. But let me live in that house in return.”_ **

**_“Shinji-kun, I’m trying to protect you! Can’t you just stay here?!” She shouted harshly. I flinched in surprise and I looked her bewilderedly._ **

**_“What are you trying to protect me fromt?! From my memories?!! Or from that unknown caller who you won’t even let me know?!!!” My voice kept getting higher as I started to feel vexed. I knew that I was supposed to be grateful at her. But I couldn’t suppress this uncomfortable feeling again. Every each day, it gradually felt hard to accept people’s love and kindness. I was incredibly scared. I couldn’t let myself be spoiled by those warm feeling._ **

**_I kept glaring at her while she was looking at me with widened eyes. I could see pain in her eyes. I couldn’t bear to see it and looked away._ **

**_She suddenly said, “I understand. I’ll let you live there but for just one year, and as you said before you’ll come every weekend. Is that clear?” Her voice was perfectly firm. I submissively nodded._ **

**_Suddenly she patted my head gently. “I’m sorry for yelling out, Shinji-kun.”_ **

**_I was surprised at first but her gentle touch on my hair gave me a bit comfort. I smiled in reply. “I’m sorry too for lashing out like that, Hikaru-san. And thank you for granting my unreasonable wish.”_ **

**_“It’s fine. It’s better to let your emotions out than being too impassive.” She smiled warmly. “I know it’s hard to accept everything after that incident.”_ **

**_I fell in silent for a while before I said, “Hikaru-san, about my mother’s death...was it really three years ago?”_ **

**_“W-why do you ask, Shinji-kun?” Her voice got shaky and I raised a brow confusedly._ **

**_“It’s just that...I think I don’t have any memories of her even before three years ago. Her letters stopped coming exactly seven years ago. Don’t you think it’s weird?”_ **

**_She set her gaze down but then she suddenly gave me an enigmatic smile. That smile, somehow made me trembled in fear. It was odd as if she was trying to hide something behind that smile...)_ **

* * *

The blazing sun had emerged itself up above the wide blue sky. Time had just passed a bit since I decided to come to NERV HQ. I narrowed my eyes as I slowly opened felt the sunshine flaringly shone through the car’s window. Suddenly, a soft voice came from beside me.

“You can blacken out the window if you want, Shinji-kun.” Kaworu pointed the button on the car’s door under the window. I looked at him confusedly then to the button he pointed. I hesitantly pressed the button and then the window shaded into a black colour. The sunshine felt not so bright again, in fact, I couldn’t see it again.

I glanced confusedly at Kaworu who was sitting beside me in the passenger seat, feeling weird with the mechanism of the car. Since the first time, the window was closed but it was just an ordinary transparent window’s glass.

“It’s really a weird but amazing technology. I never know a car like this. And your gakuran, you said it’s a battle suit too.” I smiled awkwardly and gazed his school uniform wonderingly.

I saw Kaworu chuckled in response. “You will found many weird things when you arrived at NERV. So hold your surprises, Shinji-kun.”

I found what he said is right. The place that might be my house as I became a soldier was a place with the highest technology. NERV, I always heard the name on the news about the Angel and The Pandora’s Gate. NERV HQ was located in the middle of Tokyo Metropolitan City and now the only one HQ on Japan since the first HQ in Hakone was destroyed due to the Third Impact three years ago. Japan was fall into crisis at that time and the Gate had appeared in many places over Japan for these past years. But the news just stated which places it appeared. The footages about the attack and the annihilation by the soldier of NERV never came across. That’s why society never knew about Sacred Children and its existence.

After for a while, I saw a giant black steel wall from the car front window. The black wall was massively huge and it surrounded the NERV HQ. About fifty metres around the wall, there were nothing except grassland surrounding it. Even though Tokyo Metropolitan City was the capital city of Japan and was filled with many tall office buildings and high-class apartment, only around the NERV HQ area nothing were built.

Then I saw a gate entrance of the black wall and I could see ‘NERV’ name and its symbol, carved up at the entrance with red paint. The car then stopped at the entrance where there was some kind of entry slot on a black square pole in the left side of road. Then, Asuka took out a kind of ID card from her purse. She opened the window and shoved the ID card into the entry slot. Not too long, the card was pulled out from slot and the entrance was opened. Asuka took her ID card back and closed the window. The car slowly ran and passed the gate.

As the car slowly entered NERV HQ, I could see a massive pyramid-shaped building from the front window, made by glasses and steel. On its grounds, I could see many trees surrounding the building. I was amazed with its sight. _So, this is the place._

The straight course from the gate entrance to the building seemed long. Later, the car stopped at the main entrance of the building. Asuka came out first from the car and soon Kaworu did the same. I followed them and I quickly went out of the car.

After I went out of the car, I quickly approached Kaworu who had been waiting for me in front of the building’s entrance. I found him standing and smiling at me. “Welcome Shinji-kun. This is the Headquarter of NERV, Geo-Front.”

I took a look up at the huge pyramid that was the Headquarter of NERV in Japan. _It really is huge._ I stared at the building and the surrounding for a while then I heard Asuka shouted at me.

“Don’t just stand there, Third Child!! We have to meet Commander fast.” Asuka yelled and glared at me. She had stood in front of the Geo-Front’s entrance. I looked at her and sighed. Suddenly, Kaworu tapped my shoulder.

“Let’s go, Shinji-kun.” Kaworu smiled and walked ahead first. Asuka saw him and stepped inside. I could only resign and followed them again. When we reached inside the building, I found that there was no reception desk. It’s just an empty floor with greyish tiles and white painted wall. There was only one massive white pillar at the centre of the floor. We walked to that pillar and then I could see there were two elevator doors on the pillar. We swiftly walked to the right one.

Asuka and Kaworu got in first when the elevator’s door opened. Asuka stood near the floor button in the right side and Kaworu stood behind her. I got in later and stood beside Kaworu. I saw Asuka pushed the button with number 25 on it. It was the highest number and of course it indicated the highest floor.

We waited in silent as the elevator brought us up to our destination. I felt a bit awkward and uncomfortable, but not so much because Kaworu is there. I casted down my eyes, staring at the elevator’s floor. Suddenly, I heard Asuka cleared her throat, breaking the silent. I took a look at her and found she was looking back and staring at me. I blinked in surprise. “What is it, Shikinami-san?”

I saw her raised her eyebrows. “I never told you my name.” She glanced at Kaworu with an annoyed look. “I bet you told him, right?”

Kaworu merely closed his eyes. He seemed didn’t interested in arguing with her. “Tch!” Asuka expressed her irritation and stopped glaring at Kaworu, then set her eyes on me. I had stared at her since a moment ago and I could only wait for what she would say in silence.

“Shikinami Asuka, my name. Since you’ll be the soldier too, more or less, we’ll be a fellow. Just don’t be hindrances, Shinji-kun.” Asuka told her name with an impassive tone. I sensed she was looking down at me. _What is this girl problem?_

Shortly, the elevator stopped and the door opened. I glanced at Kaworu and he had opened his eyes. I was a bit surprised when I saw his face turned a bit darken. I saw no smile carved on his face as usual. He simply looked straight to the room, where we would be in.

From inside the elevator, I could see a big room with only one desk and one chair. Asuka got off first then followed by Kaworu. They walked approaching the desk where I saw a man in their forties, sat on the chair. I followed behind Kaworu while staring at the man. His hand folded on the desk as if waiting for our arrival. He looked a bit daunting with his black eyes and stern bearded face. He has the hair colour like me, short brown hair but a bit untidy.

_I knew that eyes...but why..._ I frowned as I kept my gaze on that man. _It’s the same...Just like what I felt when I met Kaworu-kun at the first time...It feels familiar..._

I was loss in my thoughts with my gaze fixated on man in front of me. Asuka suddenly let out a loud firm voice. “We have returned, Commander Ikari.” She raised her right hand and gave the man salute.

The man nodded and set his eyes on me. “So, Ayanami Shinji, I expected you have known your situation. Am I right?” he spoke with a very intimidating voice. I was startled and I could feel a cold sweat dripping from my skin.

I quickly answered him. “Ye-yes, Kaworu-kun had told me about my identity as the Sacred Child and the reasons behind it.” I was strutting in fright. I strangely felt more and more nervous.

“Then, you know that you have no choice except becoming a soldier, right?”

I gulped down my nervousness and looked at the man resolutely. “Yes, I have prepared myself. I also want to know more about my mother.” 

The man looked like he was surprised. He widened his eyes but then swiftly back to his calm and stern face. “Very well. These two are the same soldier like you. You can learn everything you need to know from them and Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi will also guide you. You all are dismissed.”

Commander Ikari closed his eyes and leaned back to his chair. Asuka gave him salute again before she turned around and head back to the elevator. I followed her action with my eyes and felt that I should do the same. Then, I walked following her behind but I realized that Kaworu didn’t do the same. He still stood at the same place, facing Commander Ikari.

I turned back and tried to call him. “Kaworu-kun? You’re not coming?”

Without looking at me, Kaworu replied firmly. “You go first. I still have something left to say to Commander Ikari.”

I couldn’t help but noticed there was something. However, I was aware that there was nothing I could do. I confusedly turned back walking to the elevator, where Asuka had waited for me inside it with a very scary face. From inside the elevator, I could only see Kaworu’s back until the elevator’s door closed and his form was gone from my sight.

* * *

**(Kaworu’s POV)**

* * *

 

The silence engulfed the whole air around the room. I could even feel the growing tense in the long silence. I kept my gaze on the floor for a while before I broke the silence.

“What do you intend to do with Shinji-kun?” I turned my gaze straight to the cold eyes of Commander Ikari.

“Nothing.” He simply said with a cold tone. “The fact that those Angels attacked him means that the seal had slowly weakened and his memories will start to emerge. It’s just a matter of time until he turns into a monster like at that time.”

I narrowed my eyes in repugnance. “Is that the only thing that you’re thinking of? What of his well-being? Don’t you ever want to find the way to restore his state?”

Commander Ikari glared me fiercely. “It’s unavoidable, Nagisa Kaworu. You should know that the best.” His cold yet firm voice totally pierced my deepest core. I gritted my teeth as I inwardly cursed myself for my feckless self.

“What about you? What are you planning to do?” His sudden question brought me back from my thoughts. He continued. “Your covenant with SEELE is still in control. You have no power to resist what those geezers will do to him.”

“I know that.” I replied fast. “Even so, I won’t give up. I will save him from that destined end.” I said with unwavering tone. I looked at Commander Ikari’s cold, glaring eyes straight. “I can stop the transformation into the Last Stage three years ago. And I definitely stop it again.”

Commander Ikari simply shrugged off. “Suit yourself.” Then he turned the chair so the back was facing me. He continued. “Just don’t forget your duty as the Fifth Child.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” I replied strongly. Then I quickly made my way to the elevator. I wanted to see Shinji one more time before the day ended.


	5. The Black Steel Prison Part 02

_italic words: thoughts_

**(Shinji's POV)**

* * *

 When Kaworu’s back couldn’t be seen again, strangely I felt bit sadness inside. But I tried to shrug it off. I fell in silence until I realized an intense gaze was pointed at me. I glanced to Asuka, who was standing beside me near the floor button. I flinched a bit when I truly knew that the she was undoubtedly staring at me intently. Suddenly I felt incredibly awkward by her gaze and wriggled in anxiousness.

“Shinji-kun, you’re aware that I’m your senior here, right?” She narrowed her eyes, waiting for my answer. I was surprised first but I nodded my head quickly. She continued. “Then it means you have to respect me fully. I’ll give any information you need and you can also ask me, in compensation of becoming my lackey. What do you say?” She said it in a very arrogant way. Her smile looked wicked and I could only laugh it off resignedly. I got a bit annoyed but knowing that I need her, I couldn’t refuse.

“Thank you, Shiki-“

“Don’t call me with my last name. I don’t like it very much. Call me Asuka-san.” She pointed her forefinger at my face closely. I gulped in surprise.

“I understand, Asuka-san. So, where are we going now?” I stated her name and smiled resentfully. I tried to be polite despite my irritation. She seemed satisfied and lowered down her finger.

“Well, you have to meet Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi Misato. She’s our field commander and the one who give us orders and relaying battle strategies. She’s often at the Central Command at level 20 or the Laboratory Facility at level 15.” She smoothly explained it to me. I noticed she rummaged her purse, searching for something. Not too long, she took out a folded white paper and handed it to me.

I took it from her hand and unfolded it. I saw a complicated image with a big title of ‘Geo-Front’ on the image. I recognized this was map and layout of the building. I scanned its every detail. But still, it’s too complicated to understand. I decided to ask Asuka about the detail. “Asuka-san, this map indicated this building, right?”

“Yeah, the important place that you should know it’s the Central Command at level 20.” She pointed the image on the paper I held. “It’s where we, the Sacred Children, assemble and be given orders. The other was your own room at level 5. It’s the floor specially designed for the Sacred Child. It’s where we sleep, eat, and play. Also there’s the training facility for us to shape up ourselves better.”

I listened to every what she said. In spite of her arrogant and short-tempered attitude, I guessed she was a nice person inside.

Suddenly, the elevator stopped and the door opened. I folded the paper and put it in my left chest pocket. Then I looked on what outside the door. I saw a big and large monitor screen, installed on the room’s wall and it showed many kind of images. I gasped in awe. Then, I noticed Asuka walked off the elevator and I quickly followed her behind.

As I walked into the room called the Central Command, I could see twelve peoples sitting on their own desk works, occupied by a computer with a floated screen, on the lower ground than where I stood. They sat forming two rows. Three peoples on the left side and three peoples on the right side since the rows were divided half where the straightway line for walking was. The lower ground was just five steps of stair from the ground I was standing on.

Then, I could see one small higher floor on my right side. I looked up and recognized there was a women standing up there. The floor was about two metres in height.

Then, Asuka called out to the women. “Katsuragi-san, I’ve brought the Third Child.”

The women heard it and turned her face, casting her eyes down to us. Then the floor she was standing on, slowly descending down just like an elevator’s mechanism.

When the floor had positioned at the same height of the ground we’re on, I could see a beautiful mature women called Lt. Colonel Katsuragi standing straight. The women wore a red peacoat, a short double-breasted overcoat, with a standing collar and black tight pants with black knee high boots. I saw she also wore black sweatshirt inside. Her dark purple hair was rolled down behind below her hair area on her neck with a few strands of hair left on each side of her ears and she was wearing a red military hat with the symbol of NERV engraved on its front.

I was staring at her figure while Asuka gave a salute to the women. She saw it and nodded, accepting her salute. Then she glanced at me with her sharp black eyes. I flinched when I realized her gaze on me.

“You’re Ayanami Shinji-kun, am I right?” Her voice sounded maturely deep but soft.

I nodded and smiled. “Yes ma’am, my name is Ayanami Shinji and from today I’m designated as NERV’s soldier. It’s an honour to meet you, Lt. Colonel Katsuragi Misato-san.” I bowed my head down in respect.

I heard she hummed in response. “Head up, Ayanami Shinji-kun.”

I immediately looked up at her and saw her rigid face with narrowed eyes. I blinked out in surprise. _Why does she look at me like that? Did I say something rude?_

Lt. Col. Katsuragi’s gaze was somehow filled with repugnance and coldness. I was obviously staring at her until her voice put me back into reality. “Looks like you had met Commander Ikari first.” She offered her right hand to me. “Let me introduce myself. I’m Katsuragi Misato, the field commander of NERV and your superior.” I immediately accepted her hand and shook it before I released it.

She continued. “I’m the one that will give you orders and battle strategies. Also this place is restricted except for the time of battle. Don’t ever wander here. So...Anything you want to ask, Shinji-kun?”

I pondered for a while before I remembered something and asked it. “I heard that the Sacred Children use some kind of unique and distinct weapon to fight the Angel. Is there one for me too?”

She nodded. “Sure, we already prepared it. You can go to Ritsuko at the Main Laboratory at the level 15. Asuka will guide you there.” She glanced at Asuka, who was standing on the left side of me. I could see Asuka looked hesitant but she sighed and complied. “Alright, I’ll do it.” She answered.

I felt bit amused, seeing Asuka couldn’t held her head up with her. I smiled pleasingly in secret.

“Is there anything else?” I heard her asked me again but I couldn’t pop up any need for question at that time so I shook my head softly. “I think, it’s fine. I will ask later, Katsuragi-san.” I smiled at her, but she simply nodded. “Then, you may go, Shinji-kun.”

I saw Asuka bowed at her and I did the same too. After that, Asuka suddenly grabbed and pulled my left hand. She was quickly dragged me down to the lower floor then to the elevator. I could only let her dragged me even if it was surprised me. Without any voice, she closed the elevator’s door and pressed a button with number 15 on it. I sensed she wanted to finish her order fast. I stared at her, wondering why she never smiled from the first time we met. _She’s cute, though._

Asuka realized that I stared her and she turned her face to me. She was glaring at me. “What? You have something to ask?”

I blinked and looked away. “N-no, I’m just wondering why you always look so angry.”

She knitted her eyebrows, looked confusedly. “I’m not. Just a bit irritated.”

I chuckled softly. “It will be very nice if you smile. Asuka-san.” I smiled and I saw her face turned a bit red. _Is she blushing?_

“Wha-what are you saying?!! Damn you, Third Child!!” She yelled out and looked away. I got surprised but I caught of name he called me. I asked. “Why do you call me Third Child, Asuka-san?”

She turned his face and looked at me. I saw she wasn’t blushing again. Then, she looked straight at elevator’s door. I waited her answer and stared at her. After a while, she started to speak. “Well, it means that you’re the Third Child from Five Sacred Children. I’m the Second Child and Nagisa Kaworu is the Fifth Child.”

“There are only five of us?” I curiously asked again.

“Yeah, NERV only identified five Sacred Children who were truly had inherited Alpha’s DNA directly from their mother.” Asuka then glanced at me with a bored look. “Another soldiers who aren’t directly and hereditary inherited the DNA, can’t be called Sacred Children. It’s because they become soldier by enforcing their bodies to accept Alpha’s cell.”

“What’s the difference between us and those soldiers?”

Asuka then smirked smugly. “The abilities of Sacred Children and those soldiers are far from similar. We’re far stronger and faster. And we’re more resistant to the poison from Black Mist. It seems like we’re the new form of a greater human being. That’s why our existence is called sacred.”

“But...sacred...don’t always have good meaning. It also has the meaning of a cursed, Asuka-san.” I bitterly said. Asuka instantly gave me a glare. Before Asuka could say anything, the elevator stopped moving and the door opened. Asuka scoffed and walked out. I sighed and simply followed her steps.

The floor was covered with no paint. The wall and the floor that were made in steel were uncovered. The floor where I stood was round shaped with length at least 10 meters before it was branched out become eight corridors. Those corridors were closed by a cascading door that had two panels that met in the middle horizontally, and slid open laterally. I also could see a small ID scanner machine on every right side of the door.

Asuka took few steps to the corridor in front of us with '01' carved in red paint on its door. I followed her and stood behind her right side. Asuka took out her ID card from her purse and tapped it on the scanner. With no delay, the door was opened. Asuka walked ahead as the door opened. I blankly stood still, until I realized she had walked far from me, I hurriedly caught up. Then, the door closed automatically.

I saw a silver name plate read ‘Laboratory Facility – First Section’ on the left side of corridor’s wall as I stepped into the corridor. I wondered what it meant and asked Asuka. “This floor is different than Central Command and Commander Ikari’s office, isn’t it?”

Asuka answered without turning her face to me. She kept walking straight. “Well, at the level 25 and level 20, the entire floor was used as one room. But except those two, other floors are just like this.”

She turned around, facing me, and pointed straight to where we came out from the elevator. Then, she continued. “That big white pillar is the centre of Geo-Front. It also functioned as the only elevators of Geo-Front.” She lowered her hand and pointed my left chest pocket. “If you see the map, the pillar is on the centre of these square shaped floors. From the pillar, the eight sections branched out forming the same length, and each section looked just like this corridor. But of course, the different sizes of the rooms in every corridor are various. So, there are corridors with many doors but also there are corridors with a few doors or maybe nothing.”

Asuka turned back again and started walking. I took out the folded paper in my left chest pocket and unfolded it. I tried to read the images to understand it better. Not too long, Asuka stopped walking and facing a grey coloured door.

I looked up and saw the door. On that door, there were NERV’s symbol, its name, and a name mark, ‘Main Laboratory 01’ in white paint. This first section only had one door and I couldn’t guess how big this room was. From behind her, I saw Asuka took out her ID card from her purse again and tapped it on a same sized scanner on the right side of the door. As she tapped it, the door was opened.

* * *

 At the Central Command...

**(Kaworu’s POV)**

I quickly made my way into the Central Command when the elevator had reached the floor. I looked up to search the figure of one woman that I needed to meet. As I caught the sight of her, I immediately asked. “Where is he now, Katsuragi Misato?”

Katsuragi Misato then glanced down at me and curtly replied. “Main Laboratory. He went to get his weapon.”

After she replied me, without further ado, I walked to the elevator to catch up with Shinji. But suddenly she called me. “Wait, Nagisa Kaworu.”

I stopped and turned my head to look up at her. “What is it?”

“I want you to tell Shinji-kun that he’ll be dispatched soon. We detected the Gate’s activity a few seconds ago and it will be opened at any time now. Tell him to be ready.”

“It’s too sudden. He’s just arrived here.” I frowned, disagreeing with the idea. “And you know about his condition, don’t you?”

“I’m aware of that. But this is what Commander wants. He didn’t tell you about it?”

I clicked my tongue, getting a bit peeved. “He didn’t say a word about it.” I could hear my voice filled with anger and vexation. I knew that he wouldn’t play fair and he would force his way to control the Children and that including me. I immediately strode my way to the elevator.

“You have to tell him, Nagisa Kaworu. That’s an order.” Her cold and firm voice reverberated in my head. I felt more and more riled up. I didn’t believe he would give that order just right after I confronted his intention. I fastened my pace to the elevator. _Is this what he meant with ‘Nothing’?! He basically made Shinji-kun fight the Angels when he still didn’t know anything about them!!_

When I had myself inside the elevator, I couldn’t help but to punch the wall out of vexation. I could feel how powerless I was in this world. I finally had my reason for living but I couldn’t protect it from harm. _Shinji-kun had finally back again...I finally get to see him again...I don’t want to lose him again! I won’t let them that easily. I’ll be the one who give him happiness he wants!_

 


	6. The Black Steel Prison Part 03

_Italic words : thoughts_

* * *

 As the door opened, I could finally saw a large and dim lighted room. I scanned the room instantly. Inside, there were just a few lights on the left side and one on the right side. I hardly could see anyone inside the room. But then, Asuka, without saying anything, stepped inside. I was left dumbfounded at first, but I quickly followed her.

I kept my gaze wandering and scanning the room. I could see at the left side of the room, there were five big tubes, lining tidily. The tubes were two meters in height and there were many plugs attached on its head. Inside the tubes, there was weapon such as spear, sword, gun, bow, and trifle, covered by some blue liquid. I kept my gaze lingered as I felt curios of those. _Kaworu-kun had told me about the weapon he used. If I’m not wrong, those must be Evangelion._

While I kept staring at those tubes, suddenly there was a women's voice called us. "So you've came, Ayanami Shinji-kun."

I blinked bewilderedly when I heard my name was called. I immediately searched for the women. Then I found she was sitting on her desk work that was far back at the right side of the room. Her desk work was full of stacked documents and heap of papers and there was one flat-screened computer on her desk. She was wearing a white laboratory coat and inside it, I could see she was wearing soft orange shirt and blue mini skirt with red high heels.

“Come closer, Shinji-kun.” She was smiling and staring at me. I was confusedly staring back at her. Her way of talking seemed a bit weird to me. She sounded somehow friendly but her eyes looked cold and apathetic. I hesitantly walked closer.

When I and Asuka just three steps from her desk, she stood up from her seat and came closer to us. I could see her better and realized she had light orange hair with chin-length bob haircut. Her hair was center parted with short bangs, leaving her forehead exposed. She wore a red lipstick, so it made she looked more matured and older than Katsuragi-san.

She made her way to stand in front of me. I looked up at her since she was taller than me. Suddenly, she grabbed my face and cupped it with her two hands. She bent her body so her face was a bit closer. I was surprised with her action and my eyes went wide.

“Wh-what is it? Is there something-?”

“Just like what I remembered. You really are her son.” Her brown eyes filled with impassiveness and her smile before had gone completely. I furrowed my brows confusedly. “What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly.

She let her hand off from my face and shrugged. “I’m talking about Yui, your mother.”

My eyes instantly widened. “You know her?”

“No, I don’t. I only know about her from NERV’s files since she was a researcher here before.” She said with an impassive tone. “Well…you’re here for your weapon right?”

I nodded while still kept staring at her, dumbfounded by her strange apathetic and cold act towards me. Then she walked to her desk and pulled off the first drawer. She took a small black box that just like a ring case. Then, she approached me again. She handed the box to me as she stood in front of me. “Here, your Evangelion, The Infinity Sword.”

I observed the box for a while then opened it. Then, I saw a small silver sword, ornamented as a necklace. I recognized the shape. It was the same as Kaworu. I glanced up and inquired her about it. “Why is it the same like Kaworu-kun?”

She casually replied. “The Infinity Sword is a twin sword, made for two persons. Its true strength will come out when it was held by two persons that have many similarities or…have a close relationship.”

My eyes widened. “Eh? But I just met Kaworu-kun. I still don’t know anything about him.” I exclaimed in surprised.

“Well, you have a lot of time. Better know what you need to know fast than realized later and regretting what’s happened before.” She averted his eyes as her face turned dark.

I gulped unconsciously as I saw the sudden change of her mood. I was perplexed and confused. I felt there’s something wrong with the adults here. They looked so cold, apathetic, and distant. I barely could feel any kind of emotions from them.

The silence slowly filled the air. I couldn’t stand the silence and abruptly asked her. “Akagi-san, I knew that this sword isn’t an ordinary sword. So, how is it worked?” I turned my gaze to the box on my hand.

“Evangelion or in simplified term, EVA was made from Alpha’s flesh.” She replied. “We restructured Alpha’s biological data into several forms of biological weapon. The first stage of EVA is a crystallized stone, same with the Angel. In the crystallized form, EVA looks like an ordinary red crystal with no shape of weapon. After one month, it would gradually change into shape of weapon, which is programmed at the restructuring stage.” Akagi-san explained it very clearly. I could only stare at her and listen it intently.

“When it becomes a weapon, EVA will need to be synchronized with user.” She continued. “It’s should be done to tame this living weapon. An untamed EVA is a dangerous being since its biological data isn’t very different from the Angel.” She inhaled softly and continued. “We contain the untamed EVA inside LCL Tube.”

I knitted my eyebrows, puzzled by a peculiar term. Akagi-san saw through me and continued explaining things again. “LCL is a synthesized blood made from restructuring the Alpha’s blood.” She pointed the tubes, which are on the left side the room. “Those tubes are LCL Tubes. You can see the red liquid inside is LCL and those weapon inside are the prototypes.”

I looked at those tubes for a while. “So, the weapon is alive? Sorry, I don’t really understand, Akagi-san.” I showered her with a confused look.

Akagi-san took a deep breath and smiled. “Yes, it’s alive. EVA has a same DNA structure as the Angel. So if it’s not carefully tended, EVA can become a trigger to make you all, the Sacred Children, become the second Alpha.” Akagi-san answered with a serious look. “Just like how the Angels want to consume the Sacred Children and become the key to awaken the Alpha.”

I gasped in surprise. I turned my gaze to the box again. _Seeds of Alpha, isn’t it?_ But then suddenly, I realized something. I turned my face and looked at Asuka on my right side. Asuka noticed my sudden gaze and asked. “What?”

“Asuka…san, you said that I’m the Third Child from five Sacred Children and you’re the Second Child.” I gulped nervously. “Why am I the Third Child while Kaworu is the Fifth Child? He should be numbered before me, right?”

Asuka widened her eyes. She averted her gaze from me. “I don’t know much too. I just know that Nagisa Kaworu isn’t soldier yet when you had been identified as one three years ago.”

I knitted my eyebrows. “Identified three years ago? What are you saying? This is the first time I beco-“

“Shinji-kun.” Akagi-san called me with low and firm voice. “You don’t have to know and that matter is confidential. So don’t ask trivial things and just fight for humanity. Make your mother pride.” Akagi-san looked at me sharply. Her eyes were serious. I twitched in fright.

Then I heard Asuka suddenly stood up and approached me. “That’s right. We are soldier to fight the Angels.” I turned my head to look at her. Then she pointed a finger at me. “Your existence is the proof of that.”

I looked away as I felt how tough and difficult that responsibility was. I knew that it’s my destiny and I was bound to it, but I still couldn’t accept it that easily. I fell into silent and then I heard Akagi-san let out a sigh.

I looked at her and she smiled. “I think you need to know where your room is, don’t you?” She took out something from her lab pocket. “Here, your ID Card. You’ll need it so you can use many facilities in Geo-Front.” She handed it to me. “Don’t lose it, Shinji-kun.”

I took the card from her. “Thank you, Akagi-san.” I put the ID card and the black box into my left pants pocket. Then Asuka suddenly walked towards the door. With her back facing me, she asked, “You don’t have anything to say, right?”

I couldn’t say anything and I glanced at Akagi-san. She flashed me a dubious smile, the strange smile that slightly disturbed me. I shook my head, trying to clear weird suspicion inside my head and sighed. Then, I bowed to her and hurriedly strode towards Asuka who had waiting near the door.

We silently walked through the corridor 01 wherein the Main Laboratory was. Asuka didn’t say anything and I also silently walked behind her. It was a bit awkward but I didn’t know what to say after what happened. My head was jumbled with too many questions, which I couldn’t express. We swiftly went into elevator and I saw Asuka pushed button with 5 on it. I remembered that level 5 was made especially for the Sacred Children. I sighed silently when I realized that this long day would be over.

A few seconds later, the elevator stopped and the door slid opened. I saw the same landscape like the level 15 wherein the Laboratory Facility was. Asuka got off first and I followed her behind. We walked to the corridor 03 on the right side when we got off from elevator. Asuka stopped at the entrance door and looked at me. "Try your card to open this door. This corridor is where your room is."

I took the card from my left chest pocket. Asuka stepped aside to let me came forward to the ID scanner. I glanced at her and then tapped my ID card to the scanner. Then, the door was opened and it revealed the corridor 03, the same landscape as Main Laboratory - Section 01.

Asuka went ahead fast, but I followed her steps slowly. I saw she was standing in front of the third door on the left side of corridor. She turned her face to me. “Now, this is your room. There is bathroom inside and I believe your luggage has been there.”

I quickly strode towards the door where she stood. “Asuka…san, is it just me in this corridor or maybe there are others who lived here?” I stared at her.

She shook her head and replied. “No, it’s just you and Nagisa Kaworu’s room here.” She replied. “Have you forgotten that this entire floor is made for us, Sacred Children?” She grunted. “There’s no one live here except us. The others live at level 6 until level 10.” She exhaled loudly.

I glanced towards the door of my room. “So, we’re done?”

“Yes, everything’s done.” She started to walk toward the entrance of the corridor. But after four steps, she stopped and turned her face to me.

“The canteen is at the corridor 04. You haven't had lunch, have you?" Asuka said her worried words passively. I blinked in surprise. Before I could thank her, she had turned away and strode towards the corridor's entrance.

I smiled and sighed as I saw her back figure slowly retreated. When I couldn’t see her again, I decided to see my room. I tapped my ID card that I held in my right hand since I used it to open the corridor’s door and the door was opened.

It revealed a simple one-person room. What made me surprised that there was entryway, for removing shoes. _It just likes a small apartment room_. I smiled at the thoughts. The light on the room was automatically on when I went inside. So, I could see room’s inside right away and clearly.

I glanced everywhere at the entryway. There was a small shelf on the right side to place the shoes.  As I saw it, I instantly removed my shoes and went further inside. Then, I found the room. It was wide enough for one person room. The bed was on the right side and there was a small flat screen plastered on the wall across the bed.

There were many empty shelves below the flat screen and a small round table was placed at the center of the room. There was a small cabinet at the right side of the bed with small table lamp on it.

I scanned the room thoroughly and felt satisfied. As I observed the room, I saw a glasses door at the left side of the room. The door was a sliding door. I took a step approaching it and slid the door. I peeked inside and found a sink beside a large cabinet and a shelf above it. I recognized that this place was the changing room.

At the back of the room, I saw a frosted glass door. It was also a sliding door. I walked towards the door and slid it. I discovered a small shower stale on the left side and I could see a shower tub and its faucet beside it.

Felt satisfied enough, I decided to take rest. I tossed my body to the bed and closed my eyes. Soon enough, I couldn’t hold my exhaustion and slept.

* * *

  **(Kaworu’s POV)**

The silence inside the elevator made my mind rewinding the warnings from the Commander and Katsuragi Misato. It suffocated me. I was dumbstruck by the fact that the reality wasn’t doing me any favor. My long awaited dream to meet Shinji again was finally fulfilled but it was with the consequence of shattering Shinji’s world once again.

I knew that what I felt right now was so selfish. Even though I knew this wasn’t the work of fate but human, I couldn’t help but to feel perfect bliss. _I should’ve been mad and rebuked those human who had broken their promise to me._

Then abruptly, my thought was interrupted with the sound of door opened. I glanced and saw Asuka across the door.

“Tch, why do I have to see your face again…” Asuka spitefully said.

Kaworu simply sighed softly. I had given up with Asuka’s hurtful remarks and attitude. I knew that deep inside Asuka was a good and nice girl. But since Asuka knew a bit about my true nature, it was unavoidable for Asuka to hate me even for bit.

“Shinji-kun is in his room, right?” I said as I walked out from the elevator while Asuka came inside. Asuka just gave me a bored look and curtly replied. “Yeah.”

I flashed a smile. “Thanks…And if you heard the dispatched warning later, you don’t have to come to the Command Centre.” The elevator’s door then slowly closed.

“Huh?! Wait!” Asuka abruptly put her hand between the doors, forcefully made it opened again. “What is that mean?” Asuka glared perplexedly.

“Katsuragi Misato said that he had to test Shinji-kun. So, we’re not needed.” I said it casually and impassively but I knew couldn’t hide the evident rage in my voice.

Asuka furrowed her brows. “Hmph, as I thought. I knew that he isn’t just an ordinary person.” Asuka said impassively. “To make Katsuragi-san easily accept that kind of order from Commander means that Shinji has something under his sleeve…just like you.” Asuka glared sharply at the last statement.

I simply pulled up a dejected smile. “You’re unexpectedly sharp…”

Asuka averted her eyes, looking more annoyed. “Don’t give me that look. Don’t try to act so humanly when you’re not.”

“Yeah…I know. But you know, Asuka, Shinji is human. He’s not the same as me.”

Asuka glanced back to me. I smiled again. “He’s human, just like you. So…don’t hate him like you hate me.”

Asuka’s eyes widened instantly. “Wha-?! I’m not…” She turned away as she stopped his sentence mid-way. Asuka then let her hands off from the elevator’s door. The door then slowly closed automatically. I simply watched her darkened face until the door perfectly closed.

 _Hate…isn’t it…_ I thought to myself. _I wonder if what I’m feeling to those human is hate or not. I grew to love human when I met Shinji but now I also feel anger to human as they try to hurt him._ I walked to Shinji’s room while kept thinking inwardly. _Feelings are too complex to understand. But it gives a strange fulfillment._

As I arrived in front of Shinji’s room, I pulled up a sad smile before I knocked the door. _Rei…That’s what makes you choose your death, right…?_


	7. The First Battle

**_(....) : memories_ **

_Italic words : thoughts_

* * *

**_(The sword I held on my right hand was unfamiliar to me, but strangely it gave me a calm and serene feeling. I stared at the sword keenly before suddenly broke my thoughts._ **

**_“Shinji-kun, this sword is Evangelion, the only weapon that can kill the Angels.” The woman with dark purple hair said. “I know that you don’t have any experience fighting with swords, but relax, this sword will automatically protect you and lead your fight. You just need to trust it.”_ **

**_I stared at her confusedly. “So I don’t need to do anything?”_ **

**_She scratched her head, looking a bit troubled. “Uhmmm...well...how to explain it...”_ **

**_“Trust it with your heart and you’re body will move by its own.” Another woman voice suddenly was heard from my back. I turned back and I saw a woman with short light orange hair, wearing a white lab coat, approached me. “Think of it as your own body. Control it with your clear mind and you’ll be fine.”_ **

**_I stared at her for a while before I nodded. “I understand. I’ll try my best.”_ **

**_“Well then! Let’s go to the Portal floor. You have to go to the contamination area fast.” The purple haired woman suddenly grabbed my left hand. But then suddenly, a soft girl voice was heard. “Be safe.”_ **

**_I turned back and I saw the girl behind the woman who wearing the lab coat. The slender, petite girl was bandaged on her right knee, left hand, and lastly, her head. It was awful to see. But I kept a smile on my face as I nodded to her before I was pulled by the purple haired woman’s hand...)_ **

* * *

“Knock, knock.”

The knocking voice slowly entered my mind and woke me up from my sleep. Still feeling drowsy, I forced myself stood up. I walked to the door with my mind still wandering and trying to remember something. _I think I dreamt about something...but now I can’t remember what it was..._

As I opened the door, I found Kaworu had stood up in front of my room. I got startled a bit and asked him in surprise. “Kaworu-kun? What happens?”

Kaworu flashed a smile though his eyes looked a bit sad and dejected. “We detected the Gate few seconds ago at western Tokyo, Akishima city.” He said with a serious tone.

My eyes widened as I heard it. I felt my body trembling in fear. “It’s the Angel.” I clenched my teeth and lowered my gaze down as I said the words.

Kaworu nodded in response. “Katsuragi Misato wants to meet you now.”

I blinked twice in surprise. I looked up and I could see Kaworu wasn’t smiling anymore. I suddenly felt queasy. “Meet me? Does it mean I’ll be the one who fight the Angels?”

He smiled bitterly and nodded. I gasped in shock. “I’m alone?! But it’s my first time!”

Kaworu looked at me with dejected eyes. “It’s an order, Shinji-kun.”

“What is this....” I lowered my head down, feeling utterly dispirited. “I just got here...”

“I’m sorry, Shinji-kun...”

Kaworu’s words gave me a surprise. I instantly looked up and saw his sad and dejected look. _Why are you the one that feels sorry..._ I stared at him, feeling a sudden heartbroken. Then I decided to strengthen my timid mind. _I’m the one that choose to come here! I should have known that this could happen anytime!_ I forced my lips to smile naturally. “It’s fine, Kaworu-kun. I’m just a bit shocked.”

Kaworu then smiled gently. “I’ll escort you there.”

“You don’t have to, Kaworu-kun.” I made myself out of my room. “Asuka had told me where it is.”

“I know. But I want to come with you. It’s fine, right?” Kaworu tilted his head a bit, looking me with hopeful eyes.

 I widened my eyes in surprise. I got strangely embarrassed as I saw his gesture. Even my heart was suddenly throbbing fast. “O-of course, it’s fine! Ra-rather, it’s my pleasure. It’s calming me to know that you’ll accompany me even just for a bit.” I replied in stutter. I felt panicked all of sudden.

Kaworu simply smiled again gently. Then we started to walk side by side silently. We swiftly made our way up to the Command Centre.

* * *

As we arrived at the Command Centre, I could see the big screen up on the wall was showing Akishima city. But not only that, the screen was divided into five parts. The middle one was bigger and showed Akishima city's state from the sky. At its each side, two screens lined up vertically.

Those four screens showed images that I couldn't decipher. Everyone on the lower ground looked busy. They kept reporting and calculate every situation that happened. I gasped in awe and didn't realize Kaworu was calling.

"Shinji-kun?" Kaworu tilted his head from my right side and looked at me. His face was so close.

I flinched and took a step back. “Ka-Kaworu-kun! Wha-what?” I stuttered in surprise. I could feel my heartbeat went faster.

Kaworu looked at me with worried eyes. “Are you alright? You look a bit pale.”

I shook my head softly and smiled. “I’m fine. I’m just a bit-“

“You’ve come, Ayanami Shinji.” Suddenly, Katsuragi-san called me from the higher floor. She was standing and staring down at me. I was surprised to see once again her serious and sharp gaze.

Then, the higher floor descended down and revealed Katsuragi-san who had stood and crossed her arms. As the floor had attached itself on the same ground I was as before, Katsuragi-san started to speak.

“I command you to go to Akishima city now and fight those monsters. Be ready, Ayanami Shinji.” She gazed to my neck area. “You bring your weapon, I suppose?”

I was taken back with her demanding aura. I replied but stuttered unconsciously. “Ye-yes, I keep it in my pants pocket.” I took out the small black box that was containing my EVA and showed it. “But I don’t know how to use it and-“

“Nagisa Kaworu, escort Ayanami Shinji to the Third Port.” Katsuragi-san promptly cut me off and glanced to Kaworu. I took a look at him and I saw Kaworu narrowed his eyes on her before he closed his eyes. “I understand.” He replied.

Then, Kaworu looked at me and smiled. But I saw his eyes were not smiling, rather it looked like as if he was hurting. I was surprised and confused seeing him like that.

I was about to asked him before Kaworu suddenly grabbed my right wrist and pulled me along. I gasped at his action. Before I could do anything, he strolled fast to the elevator. I tried stopping him before we reached the elevator.

“Kaworu-kun!! Wait up! I still didn’t know how to use this!” I grasped his arm that was grabbing me. “Katsuragi-san told me to fight, right? But how can I do it?” I asked him with frightened look. I saw he lowered his gaze.

Suddenly, Kaworu released his hand that grabbed me. He was facing me and stared at me solemnly.

“Listen, Shinji-kun." He spoke in low tone. "Call your EVA. It will manifest itself to a weapon. You will know how to call it as you wear it. EVA will tell you how.” Kaworu reached my right hand that was holding the small black box. He took the box from my hand and then took out my EVA from the small box.

“When you’re in danger, EVA will create an impenetrable shield, called A.T Field.” He looked at me seriously and handed the necklace to me. “Don’t ever let it go from your hand.”

Kaworu gave me a serious look and his gaze was sharp and deep. My eyes went wide and I flinched in surprise. Then I hesitantly took my EVA from his hand and wear it. Then, he grabbed my right wrist and pulled me again. I got surprised but I let him pulled me.

As we inside the elevator, I glanced up to saw where I would be brought off. I saw a button with number 21 glowing in green light. I realized the Third Port that Katsuragi-san said, was on the level 21. I peeked at Kaworu who was standing right beside me. I was surprised seeing his calm face with glaring eyes.

I sensed he was angry for some reasons that I couldn’t know. _Is he angry for me?_ I wanted to know what made him so angry but I couldn’t ask. I also realized that he was still grabbing my right wrist tightly.

 A few seconds later, the elevator stopped at level 21 and Kaworu let go off my hand. He got off first and I followed him straightaway. I scanned the floor. It was a very peculiar floor.

There were many big size glass tubes shaped like elevator attached on the floor's wall and formed a round shape, facing and surrounding the white pillar where the Main Elevator we got off was. Those tubes were a bit far off the pillar. Kaworu strode towards the tube with ‘03’ numbers on it. I quickly followed him.

Then, Kaworu pushed a green button at the right side on the wall of the 03 tube. He glanced at me. “This is the Portal Floor. We use this glass tube as a teleportation device to go to the Contamination place, where the Gate opened.”

I felt uneasiness building up and I could feel my body trembling. Kaworu realized it and hugged me suddenly. My body twitched in surprise but then I felt his hand caressed my back slowly.

“Shinji-kun, I know this is too sudden.” I could hear his soft and husky voice on my right ear. I trembled slightly at the sudden feeling of his breath against my skin. “This is the command from above and I can’t deny it.”

Then, he released his hug and grabbed my shoulder gently. “Please be calm and do whatever you can to protect yourself. I can’t help you now, but I believe you can do it. Trust your EVA.” He stared at me deeply. I stared back into those beautiful red eyes and I could find worry, sadness, and anger dwelling inside. _Kaworu-kun.....You’re that worried for me..._

I smiled at him, trying to make him feel better. “Thank you, Kaworu-kun. I’ll do my best.” Then he smiled back to me with his usual gentle smile.

Kaworu let go his hand from my shoulder and I quickly stepped into the Port. As I went in, the door closed automatically and I saw Kaworu stared at me intensely. I could see his dismay reflected on his red eyes. I smiled again and nodded to give him a sign that I was fine.

Suddenly, I could felt my body was enveloped by a dazzling white light. I instinctively closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was the middle of Akishima city. The streets had been closed and there was nobody at that place.

Then I grabbed my silver sword ornament on my necklace. All of sudden there is a word came flowed into my mind. I recalled what Kaworu said and quickly spelled the word. “Evangelion, activate.”

Suddenly, the small silver sword floated and veiled by a red dazzling light. In a blink, it turned into a long sword and I quickly grabbed it with my right hand. I took a look of it and realized that it really was the same sword as Kaworu, the Infinity Sword.

Far at left side of me, I suddenly heard few loud roars. I was startled and looked at where the roars came from. I stood guard and perceived every motion that I saw. Suddenly, I saw three Angels were approaching in a distance about 7 meters from me. Unconsciously, my body was trembling in fear again.

I remembered of how exactly they are when I saw them from the first time this morning. A very hideous human shaped creature with its sharp fangs and claws.

I could feel my hand shaking. “Be calm myself!!” I tried to compose myself as I recognized they moved closer and closer to me. I felt more and more uneasiness. Then I decided to get it over.

I quickly ran approaching those Angels. I swung my sword when I got closer enough to the first one. I tried to strike its chest and it did. The cut was deep enough and bleeding before it turned into the black mist. I quickly wrapped my mouth with my left hand and stepped back, distancing myself.

But suddenly, the second and the third Angel attacked me with a kind of laser from their mouth. I got freaked out and unwittingly closed my eyes. But strangely, I didn’t feel anything.

I slowly opened my eyes and I saw a large transparent crimson glass-like with hexagonal shape in front of me. It looked like a barrier that blocking the laser for me. Then I recalled Kaworu had told me about a kind of shield that EVA created, A.T Field.

Immediately, I raised my sword and made it facing where the laser came. After a while, it ended and automatically the barrier was gone too. I could sense my heartbeat went slower than before.

I inhaled and exhaled loudly to calm myself. But unfortunately, the two of them swiftly ran to me simultaneously after the laser couldn't get me killed. I quickly stood on guard.

They both attacked me simultaneously with their claws. I quickly stepped back to evade them. I stroke the one from my right side first. I aimed for its chest but the cut was too shallow. But it was good enough to make it fell to the ground.

Shortly, the one from my left side tried to hit me, but fortunately I dodged his claws with my sword. I held off and tried to push it far. After a few seconds of holding out, I push it down and instantly landed a blow.

I cut deep from its head until its chest. The The Angel died instantly and from its cut, the blood splattered everywhere. Some of it was landed on my white shirt. But as usual it would turn into the black mist.

Then, the last one suddenly stood up from its feet and tried to hit me again in an instant. I stepped back to dodge. The last one didn’t let me to rest even a bit and quickly approached me again. I realized it and ran to give it the last strike.

Simultaneously, we ran approaching each other. I swung up my sword when I saw it was preparing the laser again from its mouth. I sensed the danger and fasten my pace.

I quickly cut it when I got closer enough. The last Angel was divided in half and died instantly. I swiftly stepped back to dodge the blood that splattered out. Then, it was turning into the black mist as the other one.

I silently watched it and felt horribly nauseous. I clasped my mouth with my left hand as I felt like I wanted to puke. I let go off my sword and fell down to my feet. The nauseous was getting over me.

Then, the sword turned back to silver sword ornament with its own and it became necklace again on my neck. I could feel my strength dried out. I clutched myself and bent my head down.

Suddenly, I saw a white light enveloping me again and I closed my eyes instantly.

* * *

**(Third person POV)**

From the wide spacious room where Commander Ikari was, the sound of sword clashing could be heard. The sound came from the transparent small screen above Commander Ikari’s desk. The screen displayed Shinji’s first fight with the Angels.

Commander Ikari watched it keenly with a slightly impassive look. There isn’t any kind of emotions on his face. He just silently watched until the fight finished and the order was fulfilled.

Then the old man who had stood up for the entire time on his right side suddenly let out a voice. “It seems that his body remember how to fight.” The old man was tall and wearing wears a dark reddish-brown button-less uniform.

Commander Ikari simply shrugged. “It was deeply rooted in his entire being. He was born for this fate.”

“You don’t seem happy even though you finally can see him again after knowing that he’s your son.” The old man said with a stern yet calm face.

“Should I happy for this cursed fate?” He sarcastically said. “Fuyutsuki, that boy and I had fallen too deep in this cursed world. He can’t back down and I wouldn’t let him too. The project had started again with he’s here now.”

The old man named Fuyutsuki scrunched up his face. “You’re too harsh. You know that she never hope for this.”

Commander Ikari instantly glared at Fuyutsuki from behind his dark glasses. “Don’t ever mention her, Fuyutsuki. She’s gone and that will never change.” He said with a cold and harsh tone. “For that reason, I will never forgive the Angels.”

Fuyutsuki merely sighed softly. He knew that the strong feeling of hate Commander Ikari bore for Angels wouldn’t ever cease. The Angels had stolen his only meaning of live, his love, and his happiness. That hate couldn’t ever vanish until he destroyed everything that had made his only light disappeared.

 _How pitiful..._ Fuyutsuki thought to himself. _But it’s same for me too...since I feel the same feeling._ Fuyutsuki then glanced to the screen that revealing Shinji’s figure. “Will it be the same with three years ago?”

Commander Ikari glanced back to the screen. “It depends on him. How he’ll accept his own sin will become the trigger. It can have the same ending, but...it can also produce the ending that we strive for.” He said impassively.

Fuyutsuki thought inwardly.  _The two keys for opening the forbidden door of that sinful project.....Ikari Shinji...and Nagisa Kaworu..._

 


	8. The Aftermath

**_(....) : memories_ **

_Italic words : thoughts_

* * *

**Shinji’s POV**

**_(My breath was choked out. I couldn’t breathe. The monster above me had tightly strangled my neck. Its sharp fangs were so close to me. Even though that monster could just eat me, it preferred to kill me painfully._ **

**_I tried my best to gather up my strength to fight back. I gripped tightly the sword on my right hand and stabbed it to the monster’s left side. The monster cried out in pain and the stranglehold on my neck loosened up a bit. I quickly used that chance to kick the monster on its gut._ **

**_I tried my best to stand up even though my body had been fully exhausted. The monster was still on his back on the ground. I quickly ran over to it and stabbed its chest before it could attack me again. The monster was screaming loudly._ **

**_Feeling a strange urge of panic and excitement, I unconsciously stabbed the monster over and over. By the time that urge was completely gone, I realized that the monster had slowly turned into the black mist, leaving its splattered blood on my body and face._ **

**_I widened my eyes in terror. I couldn’t believe that I could completely lose my sane like that. It was a strange urge and it terrified me. I looked at my hands that were covered by its blood._ **

**_I trembled. I let go of the sword that had completely painted in red. My breath was ragged and without me knowing, I had cried out in fear and terror…)_ **

* * *

“Shinji-kun! Wake up! Shinji-kun!!”

I suddenly heard Kaworu's voice, calling me loudly. I slowly opened my eyes and I saw him outside the tube where I got sent back. He was kneeling down and his hand was touching the glass door of the tube.

I realized he was in panic and I could see he was worried for me. I placed my right hand on the glass door where Kaworu's hand was. I smiled at him, trying to reassure him. But then the door was opened and I fell down. I closed my eyes as I realized I would fall down. I was ready to feel the pain but there wasn't any of it. Instead, I felt a warm arm enveloped me. I tiredly opened my eyes and realized that it was Kaworu's arm. He caught me before I fell.

I didn't have any strength left so I let my body rested on his arm. I could hear he was whispering. "You're doing well, Shinji-kun. Now everything is fine."

I felt relieved hearing it. _It’s over, isn’t it…? That monster had died…right…?_ Suddenly, a sudden flash of my dream invaded my mind. I was forced to recall the terrible sight of blood on my hand and my body. I felt a sudden nausea and abruptly put my hand on my mouth. 

But then, I felt Kaworu shifted. He put his right hand around my shoulder and his other arm beneath my knees. Then he stood straight and lifted me up. I got totally surprised and even forgot that nausea feeling.

I glanced up to him. "Kaworu-kun? What are you-"

“I’ll take you to the infirmary.” Kaworu simply smiled and just started to walk.

I gasped in surprise. “Eh?! But I’m fine, Kaworu-kun.”

“No, you don’t. I know you don't have any strength left." He swiftly walked while holding me up in bridal style. “You look so pale, Shinji-kun.”

I couldn’t say anything. It was embarrassing but I couldn't deny him. That fight was truly frightening. I couldn’t even feel the strength in my legs. I lowered my gaze and sighed resignedly. "Kaworu-kun."

"Hm? What is it, Shinji-kun?" He glanced down at me with a smile.

I looked up to him. “Are you waiting for me?” I averted my eyes as I felt embarrassed all of suddenly. “You’re…there…when I had finished the order…”

“Of course, Shinji-kun.” He replied firmly with a soft tone. “I can’t help you so at least, I want to wait for you. That way I can help even for a bit, just like now.” He smiled gently.

I gasped in surprise as I saw how breathtaking his smile was. Kaworu looked at me with a gentle. My heart was loudly thumping in every second, making me more and more nervous and confused. “Th-thanks for that, Kaworu-kun.”

“No matter, besides it’s my pleasure, Shinji-kun.”

I averted my eyes as I got more embarrassed and confused. I never understood the reason why Kaworu would be so kind to me since the first time we met. He was so mysterious and unreadable. And the way he invaded my personal space so easily somehow always gave me a surprise.

I looked up and stared at his face. _Why is it that I always feel that I knew him before? His aura somehow feels so familiar…_

A sudden flash of images came into my mind. It was an image of a blue haired girl with same red eyes like Kaworu. The girl was staring at me with an emotionless face.

My hearts suddenly beat so hard and a piercing pain in my head suddenly woke me up from my thoughts. The pain made me shrieked out. It was so unbearable.

“Shinji-kun! What’s wrong? Shinji-kun!” Kaworu suddenly shouted in panic. He stopped walking as he was surprised by my sudden shriek.

I grabbed his white shirt roughly. I looked up and tried to smile, as I clenched my teeth, enduring the pain. “Sorry, Kaworu-kun. I’m fine….Ughh…” The pain came again.

“We have to hurry. It can be the after-effect from using EVA.” Kaworu fastened his pace. He immediately went inside the elevator.

I could only close my eyes tightly and pushed myself closer to Kaworu’s chest. The pain still didn’t subside at all and the image of that blue haired girl kept lingering inside my mind.

When the elevator stopped, Kaworu immediately walked out fast. I didn’t know where we were and I only heard the sound of the door opening and closing. Then suddenly, a soft sensation was felt on my back. I realized that Kaworu had laid me on the bed.

I opened my eyes and I could see the white ceiling above me. I looked around and I immediately realized that it was inside the infirmary. I glanced at Kaworu and saw him calling someone from his phone.

I still couldn’t gather my mind so I couldn’t hear the conversation so well. It looked like he was calling Akagi-san here. After the call ended, Kaworu approached me. He looked so worried and it made me feeling guilty. I tried to smile again but it was failed.

With eyes full of worries, Kaworu asked me. “Shinji-kun, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

I stared into his red eyes. I was hesitant, but I didn’t want to make him so worried. “It was an image of a girl.”

“A girl?”

I nodded. “I don’t know why, but suddenly an image of blue haired girl appeared inside my mind. Then…my head suddenly felt so hurt…”

Kaworu glanced sideway. He looked like he knew something. I immediately opened my mouth again. “The girl….she has the same eyes as you…Kaworu-kun.”

Kaworu glanced back at me with wide eyes. He looked so taken aback, but he immediately composed himself. “Is it just that?”

I stared at him bewilderedly before I nodded. Feeling strangely suspicious of Kaworu, I hesitantly asked. “Do you…know the girl?”

Kaworu averted his eyes. “There was one girl with short blue hair here before. I don’t know if it’s the same as in the image you saw or not.”

“Was? You mean she’s not here anymore?”

Kaworu glanced back with a serious look on his face. “No, she’s not here anymore. Rather than that, are you feeling fine now?”

I paused a while before I replied. “Y-yes, I’m fine. The pain had subsided. It’s not that hurt anymore.”

“Really? Then it’s good.” Kaworu smiled gently. “We just have to wait Akagi Ritsuko. Tell her about everything that happened.”

I nodded submissively, but I still felt strangely suspicious of what Kaworu might know about the girl. I wanted to ask more but Kaworu looked like he wouldn’t tell me anything. _I should wait the right chance to ask._

Suddenly, the infirmary’s door was opened. I instantly turned my gaze to the door and saw Akagi-san entered the room.

“I heard that you’re feeling pain, Shinji-kun. Is it because of the first battle?” Akagi-san approached me.

“I’m just feeling nausea after the battle, but then…” I glanced at Kaworu and saw he nodded. I glanced back to Akagi-san. “I saw strange image inside my head. It’s an image of a blue haired girl. She looked like she’s younger than me. Then…I suddenly felt pain in my head.”

Akagi-san listened to me tentatively. Then she opened her mouth. “It’s because of that image you suddenly felt the pain right?”

“Y-yes, the pain came at the same time. But strangely it grew stronger if I tried to think more about that girl…”

“Hmm…well, I can’t say so much since the information is too little, but it’s better you don’t think about it too much, Shinji-kun. I’m afraid it will give a bad effect for your mental state.”

“My mental?”

“Shinji-kun, as a soldier, you have to use EVA as your weapon. And I’m sure you know that EVA is made from Alpha’s too. Or well, you can say that, it’s Alpha’s clone.” Akagi-san explained seriously. “When you use EVA, your mind will subconsciously merge with EVA. This merging will give a boost in strength and sharpen all your nerves. But if your mental is weak or in rare case, you lose your sense, EVA will eat your mind.”

I gulped hard at the last sentence. Akagi-san continued. “When EVA eats your mind, you’ll fall into Berserk Mode. EVA will contaminate you physically and mentally, and gradually merge into your entire being. When it happens, you’ll become the next Alpha.”

I gasped in surprise. _EVA can become the trigger to make us becoming the Second Alpha._ _It’s just like double edge sword…_

Suddenly Akagi-san poked my head. "Well now, I think it’s better that you take a rest, Shinji-kun."

"That's right. You should let your body rest first." Kaworu said in agreement.

“Well, if you feel any pain again, just come to my lab.” Akagi-san smiled before she left the room.

I sighed softly, feeling somehow tired. Kaworu then took out his hand. “Let’s go, Shinji-kun. It’s better to rest in your own room than here right?”

I looked at him and smiled. “Yeah, I think so.” I grabbed his hand and slowly stood up. My body felt extremely heavy and weary. But I forced myself to be strong. I couldn’t just let my self being spoiled.

Then we left the infirmary and went to the floor where our room were. On the way, Kaworu suddenly spoke. "Shinji-kun, do you want to have a sword training tomorrow?"

“Sword training? With you, Kaworu-kun?” I asked in surprise.

He nodded. “I’ll give you some basic sword training and how to use EVA better. There’ll be more battle from now on, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Kaworu said it with a gentle voice.

I was taken aback, but I immediately smiled in reply. “You’re right, I have to be better, or I’ll just be a hindrance.”

Kaworu gave a gentle look before we went separately. Kaworu said small parting words and walked straight towards his room which is a bit far from my room. I stared at his back until he was far enough. Then, I decided to come inside my room and rested.

* * *

**At the Command Centre... (Third person POV) **

Katsuragi Misato looked at Akagi Ritsuko sharply. “Are you sure?”

Akagi nodded. “He had shown the signs. It’s just a matter of time before he completely remembers everything.”

Katsuragi clicked his tongue, feeling anxious. “The first memories that came back is about Rei. I believe he’ll try to search about Rei’s identity. I wonder what will happen if he knew that Rei is dead.”

“It depends on how clear the memories about that time. Anyways, what do you have in mind?” Akagi asked bluntly. “Do you want to just let Shinji remember or...”

“It’s no use to hide it. His memories will be back for sure.  I don’t know what kind of plan that Commander Ikari or even the committee has for Shinji. But I won’t let that tragedy to happen again!” Katsuragi said it firmly with eyes full of resolve.

Akagi smiled as she shrugged off. “You’re sure so brave, knowing that you might be fall into the darkness.”

Katsuragi looked down as she recalled the days before that tragedy happened. “It’s fine. Because of my lack of power, I let many people die, even though I could stop it at that time.”

“Why don’t you cooperate with Nagisa Kaworu?”

Katsuragi fell in silence before he replied. “It’s true that he might be trying to prevent that tragedy too, but he works under the committee. I don’t know if I can trust him.”

Akagi simply listened in silence. She knew all too well that the committee hid something big that might be the true purpose of NERV. But she didn’t care at all. She only had one wish and one desire. That one desire even could make her do anything, even betrayed her own friend.

“I’ve told you everything that you want to know.” Then Akagi walked to elevator. “I’ll be in my lab in case you need me.” She turned back and smiled before she went into the elevator and left the Command Centre.

Katsuragi simply watched her left. _Ritsuko, I don’t know what your true motive, but I won’t let you do as you want._

 


	9. Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating this story :'-(
> 
> Here's the new chapter, guys. Hope you enjoy it! ^_^

**_(....) : memories_ **

_Italic words : thoughts_

* * *

**(Shinji POV)**

A white dim light was illuminating my room as I opened my eyes. I narrowed my eyes, adjusting my sight to the sudden bright. I rolled my eyes to my right side and saw a small table beside my bed, where the lamp and a small blue cubic clock were.

I glanced over the clock and saw it was stated five o’clock A.M. Without hesitation, I got up and walked towards the bathroom. I went inside and slowly approached the sink.

When I got there, I saw my reflection on the mirror. I could see my worn out eyes and a slight bed hairs sticking out. I immediately turned the faucet and the fresh water flushed out. I splashed my face with the water three times and then took a look at my face’s reflection. My face was seen much better than before. I quickly opened the upper cabinet above me and took out one white towel.

I wiped the water droplets on my face with it. Then, I walked towards the shower stale and slid the glass door. Before I stepped inside, I undressed myself and tossed all of my clothes to the empty wood basket at the right side of the glass door. Afterward, instantly I went inside the showers stale and took a morning bath.

After ten minutes, I had myself ready for the morning. I wore my dark blue long sleeved blouse and black pants.

Suddenly, I heard a beeping sound just like a door’s bell, came from the front door. I quickly dashed towards the front door and it opened automatically as I stood in front of the door.

Then I saw Kaworu had stood in front of my room. He was wearing a black shirt and grey pants. I saw his necklace was covered under his shirt where only two buttons were unbuttoned.

He smiled as he saw me. “Good morning, Shinji-kun. Are you all prepared?”

I frowned in confusion. “For what, Kaworu-kun?”

“Did you forget?” He let out a sigh. “I promised to give you a sword training today.”

I gasped in surprise as I remembered it. “Ah!! I remember, Kaworu-kun.” I stepped out from my room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to forget it. It’s just yesterday was so tiring and I-“

“It’s alright, Shinji-kun.” He smiled gently. “As long as you remember it. Now, let’s go to the training room.”

I nodded in response. Then he walked towards the corridor’s door. I quickly followed him behind. Kaworu walked relaxingly as he put both of his hands inside his pants pocket.

In a minute, we had ourselves out from the corridor 03 and I saw he strolled towards the corridor 07 at the left side of corridor 03.

I peeked at him. “Kaworu-kun.”

He heard me and glanced to me. “What is it, Shinji-kun?” He slowed down his pace so that we walked side by side.

“What kind of room that is inside the corridor 07?” I inquired him as I felt curious.

He faced straight and replied. “There are five training ground and one public bathroom.”

“There is no place like a game center, isn’t it?”

He chuckled softly. “Well, there’s one actually in corridor 05.” He glanced at me. “Do you want to go there?”

I immediately shook my head. “No, I’m just asking.” I got silent for a second but then I asked again as I remembered something. “Kaworu-kun, what about school?”

I bluntly asked him and Kaworu smiled as he replied. “You’ll still go, but to a new school where I and Asuka are studying.”

I got surprised at the news but I stayed silent. I knew that it would be like that since I decided myself to become a soldier. _Well, not that I have many friends to begin with._

I didn’t realize Kaworu’s gaze until I felt awkward with the silence and glanced at him. I twitched as I realized his gaze, but quickly looked away since I felt more awkward than before.

Then he called to me. “Shinji-kun.”

I looked at him in response.

He continued. “I know you will feel many uncomfortable things even terrible things in your current state.” He stopped walking even though the door of Training Ground 01 was only a few steps ahead. He turned and faced me. He stared me intensely. “You have to believe that there will be happiness you’re looking for if you never give up. It’s only a matter of one-self.” He smiled gently.

My eyes widened as I heard his words. Then I could feel my heart somewhat fluttering and my face felt warm. _Why am I feeling this?_

Before I could say something, Kaworu swiftly opened the door and then glanced at me. “Let’s go, Shinji-kun. Time to get you some training.”

I inhaled and exhaled strongly, trying to slower my heartbeat. I looked at him and nodded. Without wasting time, we both went in.

I looked around as I stepped inside. The white tiled room was vast and empty. There was nothing in there. I was confused but when I tried to ask Kaworu, he had stood by, faced me while holding his sword in was right hand. I flinched in surprise, seeing that.

“Come, Shinji-kun. Try to attack me.” He held up his sword, pointing it to me.

I gulped nervously but I did what he told me. I took my necklace and called it. “Ilmestyä.” Then just like the last time, it was turning into a sword and I quickly grabbed it with my both hands.

Kaworu smiled widely as he saw me. “It’s good, Shinji-kun. You got your stance well-balanced.”

I smiled widely in pleased as I knew that I got the basic right.

“Using both hands to wield your sword is good enough, but you have to learn to wield it with one hand too.” Kaworu approached me and stood beside me. He grabbed my right hand from my side and I flinched at his touch.

“Try to swing your sword only using this hand.” Kaworu’s voice was heard so close to my right ear. I felt my face got a bit hot. I glanced at him and I got taken back when I knew his face was too close. I quickly turned my face away.

“What happen, Shinji-kun?” Kaworu’s voice woke me from my reverie. I glanced at him again and shook my head nervously. “I-it’s fine. I’ll do it!”

Kaworu then nodded and smiled. He stepped back a bit and I immediately swung my sword with one hand. I kept doing it, repeating it until I got a hang of it.  Suddenly, Kaworu clapped his hand and it got my attention. I stopped swinging my sword and looked at him.

Then I saw him grinned mischievously to me. I shuddered at the sight of it. “Shinji-kun, now tried to fight me.”

My eyes went wide in surprised but before I could say anything he suddenly ran towards me and swung his sword up. I flinched in surprise but I immediately reacted and held my sword up to block his sword. Then a crimson transparent hexagonal barrier manifested as Kaworu’s sword clashed with my sword.

Kaworu exclaimed in surprise and admiration. “That’s good, Shinji-kun.” He grinned widely. Then he backed off a few steps.

“That was A.T Field, an impenetrable shield of EVA. When you try to guard yourself and wish to be protected by EVA, it will answer you by manifesting A.T Field and the strength of A.T Field differs by the user’s willpower.” Suddenly, Kaworu attacked me again. This time he swung his sword to me repeatedly.

I clenched my teeth since I could only stand guard and hold my sword strongly as it manifested the shield. Then Kaworu held up his sword and swung it down heavily. I couldn’t block it and it suddenly exploded. I was pushed back with the explosion’s wave and fell down on my back. “What is that, Kaworu-kun?” I asked while tried to stand up.

Kaworu explained it to me as he approached me. “A.T Field can be a weapon too if your willpower strong enough.”

I frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Kaworu offered his hand and I grabbed it fast. He pulled me back to my feet again. “Thanks.” I said at him before I let go of his hand.

Kaworu smiled in response. “Now look carefully, Shinji-kun.”

Kaworu glanced to his right side and then swung his sword swiftly to the right. As the sword was swung, I could see A.T Field was flying out from the sword, still in the hexagonal shaped, and smashed the right wall, destroying it. The sound of the blast was heard loudly and lots of the smoke from the blast was seen. I gasped in surprise.

Then Kaworu glanced back at me. “When you wish strong enough to protect yourself from any kind of things that can harm you, EVA will be gave you wider range of A.T Field with powerful force to deflect even destroy anything.” He pointed his sword back to me. “Let’s start with that as lesson one. What do you think?” He grinned playfully.

I blinked in surprise but then I sighed in resign. “Yeah, it’s up to you, Kaworu-kun.” I smiled forcefully as I realized today will be a hard and long day.

Kaworu told me everything about how to use the sword efficiently and to manifest a strong A.T Field. I tried to remember everything he told me but strangely my body seemed knew how to respond and somewhat used to sword techniques.

I never learnt any kind of martial arts in my life. It is extremely odd but I shrugged it off. I felt that maybe it was because there was synchronization between me and my EVA which made my senses stronger.

After four hours straight, Kaworu informed me that it was enough and I could rest myself. “Shinji-kun, let’s stop for today.”

I sighed in relief and I could feel the tension left my body. Then, I heard my stomach grumbled. My eyes went wide and I gasped in surprise. I touched my stomach and glanced at Kaworu. He was staring at me and I could see he was surprised with the sound of my empty stomach too.

I bashfully smiled at him and Kaworu let out a small laugh. “I think you have to eat, Shinji-kun.”

“Yeah, I really have to.” I extremely felt embarrassed but I tried to shrug it off. “Kaworu-kun, let’s eat together.”

“I really want to, Shinji-kun.” He gently smiled. “But I’m afraid I have to refuse. There’s something I have to do.”

I felt a bit disappointment, hearing his refusal. But I tried to cover it with smile. “Well then see you later, Kaworu-kun.”

“See you later, Shinji-kun.” He smiled for the last time before he went out of the training room. I could only watch his back until he’s gone.

* * *

** At the first laboratory… **

The room was dark with only a few dim lights from the tubes on the both sides of the wall. Kaworu stepped inside without hesitant. He couldn’t find the woman in white robe that he was searching for. He decided to just call her name.

“Akagi Ritsuko. I came for the usual maintenance.”

The called woman then turned his eyes up from the document she was reading. Her gaze was indifferent and cold.

“No need for that. The last time I checked, your vital is good. As long as you drink the medicines I’ve prescribed, your body will last longer.”

Kaworu furrowed his brows. He stared her with a gaze filled with disdain, even though his face was impassive and cold. “Are you sure? The fight will get harder than before and I don’t want this body to crumble and broken before I complete my mission.”

“Do you mean there’re more in the covenant you make with the Council?” She asked nonchalantly, but the curious tone was apparent and Kaworu clearly caught that.

He snorted scornfully. “You won’t get anything from me. I’ve known what your true purpose in the project and I won’t let you do the same thing just like three years ago.”

“So you’ve finally shown who you are huh? Nagisa Kaworu?” Akagi smiled, feeling amused. She leant back on her seat easefully.

“You said that you won’t let anything happen, but can you really do it?” Akagi said in a mocking tone. “Shinji had created too many sins. He was saved from the judgement because he lost his memories. But eventually, he will be what he was before three years ago. Do you think you can stop it, just because you’re the perfect form of what he almost became?”

Kaworu narrowed his eyes. He could feel the burning anger swelling inside. But he gritted his teeth instead, suppressing that burning inside. He knew perfectly that she was trying to make him lose himself in anger.

He sighed, trying to compose himself. Then he gazed at her with his impassive cold eyes. “If you call what happened three years ago was a sin that Shinji-kun had to bear, then you’ve got a heavier sin than him.”

Akagi widened her eyes in surprise. She was taken back and she stood up unwittingly. Her face was distorted in shock and anger.

Kaworu simply snorted in amusement, seeing her distorted face. Then he turned his back to her and started to leave the dim lighted room. But before he opened the door, Kaworu turned his face slightly, showing his smile to her.

“Please don’t forget that I knew what behind all this stupid farce you called fate. I didn’t become a Sacred Child just to know its cursed fate but also the twisted scheme behind it. Make sure you didn’t choose the path that will give you your own downfall.”

Then Kaworu opened the door, touching the small screen on the right side of the door with his hand. He walked outside with smile on his face. And the door closed, leaving Akagi inside the room. She could only watching Kaworu left while keeping the raging fire inside her at bay. She couldn’t let herself being ridiculed more than before.

She gritted his teeth angrily. _You’re just nothing than a monster. A monster in human flesh, Nagisa Kaworu._


	10. The Sudden Tempest

**_(....) : memories_ **

_Italic words : thoughts_

* * *

**Shinji's POV**

* * *

Another day had passed as I stared on my room’s ceiling. I just woke up and then I realized that this white pale ceiling would always be the first thing that my eyes looked upon as I opened my eyes in the morning.

_Maybe I can never go back to my home again._

I softly sighed, trying to bury this small regret that appeared deep in my heart. Then I quickly went to the bathroom, preparing myself for another unexpected day. After about fifteen minutes, I had myself dressed with blue t-shirt and black pants. I was about to go out of the room before a voice called me from the outside of my room.

“Shinji-kun, we have school today.”

It was Kaworu’s voice. But that wasn’t what got me surprised. Instead I got really surprised and confused when he said ‘school’. I immediately stepped out of the room and then I was greeted by his goofy, smiling appearance.

“School?”

“Well, we’re third year high school students, right? Of course we have to go to school.” He was smiling, innocently.

I could only blink my eyes blankly. “It’s not what I mean, Kaworu-kun. What is this school anyway? Are you referring about me, going to the same school with you and Asuka?”

He nodded. “The transfer documents had been made since you came here and you had been transferred to the school academy created by NERV for the soldiers-in-training and the candidate personnel."

Kaworu looked me out from top to toe. Then he smiled again. "Well, you only have to wear gakuran and you'll be ready."

I didn't know what to say since all seemed so rushed and surprising.  _Well, I supposedly don't have to be that surprised when I accepted this new life._  

"Is it a black gakuran, Kaworu-kun?" I stared at him and I realized he was only wearing a white long sleeves shirt and black pants. "You didn't wear it?"

"Oops, I forgot." Kaworu-kun looked at his shirt before he chuckled softly. “I didn’t usually wear that.”

I chuckled in response. "Right, I rarely see in in your casual outfit too."

"Then, I'll wear it today. It's your first day of school after all." Kaworu grinned widely. "Prepare what you need for the school, Shinji-kun while I'll take my gakuran."

I nodded and he swiftly walked off to his room. I spared no time to see him off and quickly search for my school bag. I did find it and were grateful that all my books and everything I need for school was still in there. 

 _Guessed the people in charge of fetching my things from my house was completely done their job well_.

Then I decided to change my shirt into the same one as Kaworu. 

 _I think I have that white long sleeves shirt as the winter's uniform of my school._  

I changed shirt quickly and fold the blue shirt back to my wardrobe.

Suddenly, Kaworu's voice was heard again. "Shinji-kun, are you ready?"

I immediately walked out my room while bringing my bag school. I put the light's room off as I walked out. Kaworu had been standing and waiting for me. He smiled at me as he stared at me. 

"Let's go, Shinji-kun." He walked off first but I quickly followed him behind.

"Kaworu-kun, how we're gonna go to the school?"

"Using the Portal, of course." He grinned as he glanced at me.

My eyes widened in surprise. "Eeh?! Is that permitted?"

"Well, the Portal was the only way to commute to the outside world. But of course, it’s only for necessary things. And we're forbidden to use any vehicles. Only the high officer such as Katsuragi Misato and Akagi Ritsuko who was allowed."

"But then how if we want to go to convenience store or someplace like that?" I furrowed my brows.

Kaworu chuckled in response. "Shinji-kun, there's no need for that. This entire building was made so that all of our needs can be found here." He smiled at me dejectedly. "We don't need to go outside, Shinji-kun."

I was fell in silent after hearing what Kaworu said.  _As I thought, it’s just like we’re prisoners..._

Then we walked in silence. We didn't speak another words until we arrived at the school using the Portal. As we arrived at the school front gate, I looked at the school building. It was magnificently huge and it give off the vibe of prestigious school. I gaped widely in surprise.

"Shinji-kun?" Kaworu's voice woke me up and I realized his face was too close.

"Ka-kaworu-kun?!"

He retracted and smiled gently. "Come on, we have to go to the teacher's room and meet our home room teacher."

"Ri-right, let's go." I stuttered as I felt my face getting hotter.  _Kaworu-kun always too close in contact!_

Kaworu and I together strode into the school and to the teacher's room fast. I was following him behind since I knew nothing about the place. I could only stared at my surrounding.

_It looks like just a normal school._

Then as we arrived at the teacher's room, Kaworu called out to someone who was the only one person in the teacher’s room..

"Sensei, I've brought Shinji-kun."

A woman's voice was heard behind the middle desk of the line of desks neared the window across the door. "Good, then Shinji-kun, come here."

I furrowed my brows as I felt confused of her voice.  _I'm sure I recognized this voice, but who?_

I glanced at Kaworu but he only smiled as he tilted his head. Then I approached the desk where her voice was heard. As I neared it I could see her face and she was none other than Katsuragi Misako, our Field Commander.

My eyes widened in surprised. "Ka-katsuragi-san, what are y-"

"You should call me sensei, Shinji-kun." She smiled, unexpectedly. Then she added again. "In this place, I'm your history teacher and also your homeroom teacher."

I was dumbfounded and speechless. But Katsuragi-san didn't spare me time to grasp the situation and quickly hand me some kind of paper and a folded gakuran.

"This is the learning schedule and your gakuran. Other things that you want to know you can ask Nagisa-kun."

But before I could say anything, Kaworu cut me off and took my hand suddenly. "Then, sensei, we'll leave now."

I twitched in surprise of sudden touch and glanced at my hand which was in his hold. "Kaworu-kun?"

Kaworu grinned widely. He seemed rather pleased.

"Sure, guide him well, Nagisa-kun." Katsuragi-san replied with a nod.

Kaworu simply smiled in response _._ Then Kaworu glanced at me. "Shinji-kun, let's go. I'll show the classroom and other things too."

He was smiling joyfully just like a child. I couldn't help myself to smiled in response, even though I felt embarrassed by him holding my hand. 

 _It's cute_ _..._

I immediately shook my head as I thought that. _N_ _o, wait, I shouldn't feel like that to a man! What am I thinking?!_

While I was lost in thoughts, Kaworu pulled my hand and dragged me out of the teacher's room. I was surprised but I quickly followed him as I let him pulled me around. I looked at his face and he was humming happily. I didn't understand why but I really like seeing him like that.

While we were walking around the school, I wore the gakuran immediately and folded the paper and put it in my pocket pants. Kaworu showed me our classroom, then the canteen, the library, all the laboratories and room, and also his usual hang out places.

It was fun and gratefully that there weren't any student since there was still a half hour before the school started. We did walked around the school and Kaworu was in high spirit. I too was influenced by his mood and couldn't help smiled and laughed for the entire time.

When the bell chimed throughout the school, we immediately went to the classroom. Outside of the classroom, Katsuragi-san was standing before the door while holding the attendance list.

She saw us and called us.  "Shinji-kun, wait here before I called you in. I have to introduce you to the class after I started the homeroom."

I nodded and smiled in response. Katsuragi-san glanced at Kaworu. Kaworu nodded too and went into the class and then followed by Kasuragi-san. I waited outside and I could hear the faint sound of Katsuragi-san's voice, signaling the homeroom was started. Then, I heard she called my name and I quickly went into the classroom.

"Everyone, this is Ayanami Shinji. He's the our new friend. Treat him well." Katsuragi-san introduced me to the class and I bowed my head after she said that.

I glanced at her and smiled before I approached the empty seat beside Kaworu on the last row at back of the class near the window.

But then, after I took my seat, Asuka suddenly came into the class, sweating and puffing. She looked like she was running as fast as she could since she was almost late to the class.

"I'm sorry, Katsuragi-san!" Asuka shouted as she bowed her head.

"Well, although you're barely on time, I forgive you this time, Shikinami Asuka." Katsuragi-san smiled to her while lightly whacked Asuka's head with the attendance list. "And it's 'Sensei', Asuka."

Asuka flashed a grin before she walked to her seat which was on the second row and third line of the class.

The class started, but several minutes later, a sudden announcement that informing the appearance of The Gate of Pandora in Chiba and Nishitokyo was heard from the speaker.

I was surprised and turned to look at Kaworu and Kaworu nodded as if he understand what I felt.

"This is emergency state. All the student except the soldier come with me, now!" Katsuragi-san loudly commanded. Her face looked slightly anxious.  "Everyone, do it as the usual safety training!"

Katsuragi-san then approached a male student wearing a spectacles. "Minami, you as the prefect, guide and help the other students. Make sure that everyone gets inside the bunker."

The male student nodded and quickly gave instructions for the other students.

Asuka, Kaworu and I immediately approached Katsuragi-san and waited for the order. Katsuragi-san then turned her attention to us.

"All of you, we'll be transported using the teleport right to the Command Centre. Don't move to far from me!" Katsuragi-san then gave order using her watch on her right hand to the Command Centre and suddenly we were all enveloped by a white light.

In a second, we arrived at Command Centre and I could see everyone in Command Centre was panic and the place was full of racket. Katsuragi-san quickly commanded something to her subordinates and then turned to us.

"Now I'll give you my order. There are two cities that were attacked by the The Angels. The evacuation had been ordered and it should be fine by now." She glanced at Asuka. "Asuka, you go to Chiba. Annihilate all the The Angel there. Do you copy me?"

Asuka nodded fast. Then Katsuragi-san glanced at us. "Shinji-kun and Nagisa-kun, you two go to Nishitokyo. Understood?"

Then she glanced at Kaworu sharply. "Nagisa-kun, take the lead. I don't want any mistakes."

Kaworu nodded. "I know."

"No need of that." Suddenly, a man voice came from behind us.

i instinctively turned back to see who it was and got extremely surprised. That man was none other than Commander Ikari. He was slowly approaching us.

Katsuragi-san quickly gave him salute, while I, Kaworu, and Asuka were standing still in surprise.

"Ayanami Shinji will go alone." He commanded. "Shikinami Asuka and Nagisa Kaworu should go to Chiba prefecture."

He looked at Katsuragi-san with a sharp gaze behind his glassess. "I believe you know the contamination at Chiba far worse than Nishitokyo."

Katsuragi-san flinched. "Yes, I'm aware of that. But Shinji-kun just barely became a soldier few weeks ago. He sh-"

"No argument, Colonel Katsuragi." He stated sternly. "This is an order."

Katsuragi-san replied with a disbelief glare. And after that, she softly sighed. "I understand, Commander Ikari."

Katsuragi-san then took a glance at me. " Go to the Second Port, Shinji-kun. It directly sends you to Nishitokyo."

I pursed my lips in tight line and nodded. Anxiety and fear slowly grew inside me. I still couldn’t forget the first battle last time and the lingering fear still weighed my mind.

 _I’ve got to strong! I’m a soldier now!_ I clenched my teeth as I tried my best to push the fear inside  of me.

After that, Katsuragi-san also gave order to Asuka and Kaworu. "Asuka and Nagisa-kun, go to the Fourth Port." Then, Katsuragi-san suddenly inquired the Commander. "Are you going to give other orders, sir?"

"No, I’ve said what I need." He turned back at her but before that, he spared a glance at Kaworu.

I turned my gaze to Kaworu and I caught he was giving the Commander a glare, as if he was angry about something.

 _What’s happened?_ I couldn’t take my eyes from them.

But, as it only last for a moment, Commander Ikari then walked away and went out from the Command Centre.

After he left, Asuka gave a salute and walked ahead towards the elevator. I glanced at Kaworu and he smiled in reply. "Let's go, Shinji-kun."

I stared blankly for a second as I surprised looking at the sudden change in Kaworu’s face. but I quickly nodded and gave a smile awkwardly.

Then the three of us hurriedly made way to the Portal.

When we arrived at the Portal floor, I saw at the 02 Port where I would be teleported. I glanced at Kaworu and Asuka who had walked to the 04 Port. After that, I quickly strode toward 02 Port.

As I stood in front of the Port, I heard Asuka called her EVA. i glanced over her as I heard it. I saw her scarlet armlet glowed in white light. In a second, her armlet became twin scarlet guns and she was gripping it tight with her both hands.

I almost couldn't look away from her. Her weapon looked dashing and felt suitable for her. From the type of the weapon, I could guess that Asuka was a mid-long range attacker while I and Kaworu were closed range attacker since we both used long sword as the weapon.

Suddenly, Asuka called my name. "Ayanami Shinji, what are you doing?" Asuka approached me swiftly.

I flinched in surprised and shook my head in surprise. "Nothing."

"What?! You haven't called your weapon." She asked bluntly.

"Well, yes." I glanced to my necklace. "I was mesmerized by your weapon, Asuka." I tried to smile, though it became awkward.

Asuka glared at me. "Will you wear it now?! It's too late if you wear it on the battle field." She suddenly poked my left shoulder. I nodded slowly. Then, Asuka suddenly pinched my right cheek strongly.

"Ouch! What are you do-"

"Don't be a slowpoke!" She shouted angrily. "We have weapon and A.T Field so our job is simple. Annihilate the The Angel and save the city and its citizen from their contamination. For that, we have to be always on guard. We’re not allowed to let ourselves to get injured o easily. Do you understand?"

Then she released her hand which was pinching my right cheek. "You can do it, can't you?" She glared at me fiercely but I could feel she was worried about me.

I caressed my right cheek since it was a bit painful, but I smiled as I felt calmer than before. "Thanks, Asuka."

Asuka turned her face left side. "Hmpfh! As long as you understand!"

I could see she was blushing. Then she walked back to the 04 Port. I saw Kaworu stared at me far at the 04 Port. He didn't say anything to me. But then I realized that he looked a bit sour. I sensed sadness and anger mixing inside his red orbs.

Feeling worried, I called out to him. "Kaworu-kun."

He heard me and smiled in response. "What is it, Shinji-kun?"

I tried to show a smile, a more reassuring one. "I'll be fine, so Kaworu-kun too, promise me you'll be fine."

Kaworu looked surprised and blankly stared me. But then he smiled gently and nodded. "Yeah, I'll promise."

After that, the three of us went at the same time into the tubes which were designated and we were teleported by the Port's mechanism.

* * *

Like just the last time when I felt the dazzling white light enveloped my body, I immediately closed my eyes. In a second, I felt cold wind touched my skin. I instinctively shivered and opened my eyes.

Then I realized that I had been on the middle of the contamination core at Nishitokyo Area. It was dark outside even though the sky should be clear and the sun brightly shone. The clouds above the city were darkly clouded. It looked like it would rain anytime but it didn't seem like that.

I looked around me and found that there was nobody in the area. _I guess the evacuation had been done well._

I could see the Gate of Pandora was still disclosed far across the street where I stood and it was smoking out the black mist. I instinctively wrapped my mouth with my hands and then walked further from the Gate. I tried to search the Angel slowly and cautiously to the west side of the contamination area.

Suddenly, something caught me off and struck my back from behind.

"Aaaggghhh!" I screamed out as I felt a sudden intense pain on my back.

I was thrown up by that attack and then fell over on the flat hard ground. The impact and pain almost numbed all of my senses. But I immediately tried to stand up even though my feet were shaking.

Then I looked at my attacker and instantly caught a sight of an Angel. It was three meters in height with tail and two horns on its head. Its claws were tremendously sharp and big. I could feel the wound on my back stinging and letting out bloods, though I couldn't see the blood.

 _It's the Stage Two type. I should be able to handle it alone._ I gulped hard, preparing myself for a counterattack.

But before I could think of anything, the Angel quickly jumped forward and tried to strike me again. I got startled but immediately swung up my sword to block its claws. My sword instantly manifested A.T Field and stopped The Angel's attack.

Knowing that I blocked its attack, The Angel suddenly opened his jaw widely and a light flashed out from it like a laser. The laser was gunned at a point-blank range and it successfully crushed my A.T Field. I was pushed back and fall on my back in result.

As I fell down with my back first, I felt tremendously pain from the wound before and I screamed out in pain again. The pain was horribly aching, but knowing that the Angle might attack again, I gritted my teeth and stood up.

And just after I stood up, the Angel jumped and tried to attack me again from above.

I instinctively looked up to it but the Angel was so fast and I couldn't react to its attack fast enough. Fortunately, the sword generated A.T Field again as the Angel attacked me. The Angel roared loudly. I could feel it grew stronger and its attack became heavier.

I tried to push it back and I suddenly remembered what Kaworu taught me about turning A.T Field into a blow strike. I immediately concentrated myself to think only one thing.

_I have to protect myself. I have to kill it._

I kept pushing my sword and all of a sudden, I felt something was building up inside me. I gathered up all my strength to push the Angel above me. As I pushed my sword up, the A.T Field was grown larger and then compelled the Angel up to the air. Instantly A.T Field blew up as it compelled the Angel and it damaged its chest area terribly.

The blood gushed out from its wound and I could see the Angel was almost died as it stood limply. But before it died, the Angel screamed and roared loudly.

I instantly closed my ears with my hands since the shock from the roar was a bit powerful. But suddenly, I heard more roars came from behind me. I opened my eyes in surprise and turned back.

Then I saw a terribly horrible sight, appeared in front of me.

Five Angels of same type were far away ahead, approaching me. They roared continuously as if they were mad because of one of them was died. I gripped hard my sword as I felt distraught of this sight. Not to forget the pain from my back's wound was still stinging.

I quickly decided to use A.T Field to blow those monsters before they reached me. I aimed at them and swung down my sword. A.T Field was manifested again just liked before and flied towards them.

In a blink, an explosion was seen and I could feel the shock wave of it. I kept looking straight at them but unfortunately I saw them used A.T Field too. They were unhurt and kept approaching me.

I gritted my teeth as I felt frustrated at the sight.

Then suddenly those five swiftly accelerated and ran towards me. Two of them shoot a laser from their mouth while running. I was surprised and instinctively held my sword in front of me to manifest the A.T Field.

But the A.T Field couldn't block it. It was blown up and scattered as the laser shots impaled my body. One of them pierced through my left shoulder and the other pierced through my right abdomen.

I was pushed back and I fell right away as the pain made my mind blank. I couldn't think of anything and I could feel my conscious slowly faded away. I couldn't feel my body at all.

_Damn! I can’t let it over like this!!_

In a second, everything was turned into black.

Just at the time the darkness enveloped me, I abruptly woke up and found myself standing in a dark spacious room.

_What’s happened? Why is it so dark and pitch black?_

I looked around but there was nothing. I was standing alone. Then I suddenly realized this was probably inside my mind.

At the time I realized that, I caught a sight of a person stood far away from me. that person was turning his back on me. I tried to perceive the figure of that person, but the distance was too large.

Then I decided to just call that person with a loud voice. “That person there, I’m sorry but who are you?”

No reply was heard. I asked again. “Do you know where this is? Is it really inside my mind?”

I waited for any kind of response. And after a second, that person slowly turned his face.

The first thing that caught my eyes was the red blood orbs of that person. My eyes widened in shock.

_It’s just like Kaworu’s eyes._

But when his face was completely turned at me, I was utterly shocked. My body instantly trembled in fear.

_That person was..._

_Me?!!_

* * *

.... _S...ji..kun..._

_.....Shin....kun...._

“Shinji-kun!!”

My eyes instantly opened as my sense went back perfectly. A panic and worried gaze immediately met mine. I blinked my eyes twice, trying to grasp a better picture.

Then I realized that it was Kaworu. He was bending down and looking at me with a worried look. I could feel the hard cold ground as I lied on the street.  

I tried to speak, to ask what had happened but I couldn't muster any strength.

_My body feels weak..._

Just when I thought that, I quickly sensed that I didn’t feel any pain on my body. I gasped loudly.

"Are you alright, Shinij-kun?” Kaworu suddenly asked.

I stared at him with wide eyes in shock. And as if he knew what made me so shocked like that, he then replied with a smile.

“Everything’s fine, Shinji-kun. It seems like that your wounds had healed by itself.”

I furrowed my brows in bewilderment. _All those wounds? How’s that possible?_

"You did this all by yourself?"

Suddenly I could hear Asuka's voice, asking me with a disbelief tone.

I glanced to my left side and I saw her stood and faced straight. Her face looked incredibly surprised.

"What was exactly happened here?" She turned to face me. She was looked down to me with a terrified look. I knitted my eyebrows, felt confused with her questions.

"It doesn't matter." Kaworu suddenly said. "We need to evacuate now. The contamination is getting worse."

Asuka simply huffed and glanced away in response.

Then he glanced down back at me. "Can you stand?" He offered his right hand to me. I smiled in the sight of his hand before I took his hand.

Kaworu pulled me up and I tried my best to stand up. As I balanced myself to stand, I caught a terrible sight behind Kaworu.

All of five The Angels was died as their bodies scattered on the street. I recognized that two of them were beheaded, one was cut in half, and the rest had stabbed wounds on the head and the chest. I almost puked at the time I saw that.

But after I got the sight of those dying bodies, all of those were suddenly turned into the black mist. My eyes widened in shock. It caught me in surprise, even though the usual shifting of The Angel's dead bodies into the black mist was something that always happened.

Then I I tried my best to remember what had happened, but nothing came up. I had no recollection of defeating them.

Suddenly, Kaworu tapped my left shoulder softly. "Shinji-kun."

I instantly turned and looked at him. He was smiling like usual.

"Can you walk? Your wounds seem healed, but..." He stared at my face worriedly. "I can hold you if you-"

"It's fine, Kaworu-kun." I abruptly said. "I can walk with myself."

I lowered my gaze, feeling hopeless and confused with everything that had happened. I released my hand which was still holding Kaworu's hand.

I could sense Asuka staring at me with a skeptical gaze before she started to walk ahead first. Kaworu who was right beside me, simply stood as if he was waiting for me.

I slowly turned my gaze up and saw him smiling.

"Let's go, Shinji-kun."

I could only nodded in reply. Then I started to walk slowly and Kaworu accompanied me. He adjusted his steps with me. We walked down the street to find a safer place which was uncontaminated with the black mist.

My head still felt lightheaded and my stomach felt queasy. I bent down my head all the time. I didn't have enough strength to lift my head up, not after what I had seen. Many questions were appearing in my mind and there weren't any of those that could be answered by me.

Suddenly I felt a cold hand on my right hand.

I flinched in surprise and I quickly glanced at the owner. And I found Kaworu smiling at me gently.

"It's fine, Shinji-kun. You didn't have to think about anything now." Then he pulled me to walk a bit faster.

I stared at him blankly but then I lowered my gaze again. I reluctantly let him pulled me as I walked with my head down. I tried to clear my mind and tried to forget that horrible sight. Luckily, the warmth that I felt from Kaworu’s hand, somehow made me calm and relaxed. The tensed feeling that built up inside me slowly melted away. 

Then I decided to ask. "Kaworu-kun, Why are you here? What about the mission in Chiba?"

Kaworu glanced and smiled. "Our mission had completed, Shinji-kun. You don't have to worry about that."

I let out a sigh of relief. But then I was struck by the realization that Kaworu and Asuka were sent here was because of me. _My weak self_.

I bent down my head once more. I clenched my left fist hard and I was trembling in rage of despair and hopelessness.

"Shinji-kun, what’s happened? Do you feel in pain?"

Kaworu's husky voice was full of worry. I immediately looked up to him. I was trying to smile and to say that 'I'm Okay', but I couldn't. My face was twisted in despair, feeling helpless for my weak self.

Kaworu's red eyes widened as he saw my face. Then his gaze turned into a serious one. "Shinji-kun, it’s fine. This was your second mission after all."

Then he smiled gently. "You're not supposed do the mission alone for about six months. That's the basic rule for new soldier." Suddenly he glanced sideways and his smile had gone. "If it's not because that man..."

He said those words in murmur and I almost didn’t catch that. I flinched in surprise when I saw anger was painted on his face. I could see his red eyes full of rage, staring sharply at the street ahead.

I turned my gaze away and looked down. I wanted to ask what made Kaworu angry but I couldn't. Then we walked in silence with our hands still intertwining together.

Ten minutes of walking had made us distance ourselves from the Contamination place. Asuka stopped her steps in front of a tall office building. I quickly let my hand off from holding Kaworu's hand. I would be very embarrassed if Asuka saw us holding hands like that even though I didn't hate it. Then she turned to us who were far behind her.

"This is safe. We can ask Katsuragi-san to send us back and wait here."

I saw Kaworu nodded in response. Then Asuka let out her phone in her right pocket on her skirt. She quickly tapped her phone and in a second, the phone was connected to the Command Centre. Asuka spoke fast, said that we need to be teleported now before the Contamination spread to where we were. She also asked Katsuragi-san to send Eraser to clean up every mess in this city.

I leaned back to the building's wall as I reached the building. Kaworu also did the same. I still felt weak and the dizziness wouldn't just wear off.

Suddenly I felt my eyes were flurry and everything seemed spinning around. Then I heard Asuka shouted to me and Kaworu that we would be teleported in one minutes before I lost all of my conscious.


	11. The Sudden Tempest part 2

**_(....) : memories_ **

_Italic words : thoughts_

**Third person POV**

* * *

 

** At the command centre... **

** Several minutes after Kaworu, Shinji, and Asuka were sent into the battlefield.... **

“Lt. Colonel Katsuragi, Ayanami Shinji got badly injured! His biological stress meter shows an increasing number!”

“Show me the live footage of him!” Katsuragi immediately ordered.

The operator quickly put the live footage from where Shinji was fighting with the Angels on the Main Monitor. The footage showed an injured Shinji who was struggling to kill the Angel that attacked him.

“What about his synchronization rate?” Katsuragi asked while kept her gaze on the Main Monitor.

“It keeps increasing! His synchronization rate almost hit ninety percent!” A female operator replied fast.

Katsuragi clicked her tongue, feeling slightly anxious. _That’s a bit dangerous. We don’t know what will happen if it becomes a perfect one hundred percent._

“What’s the condition in Chiba?” Katsuragi abruptly asked.

“Nagisa Kaworu and Shikinami Asuka had nearly annihilated the Angels.” A male operator replied. “But their count is too many. It’ll need more time to eliminate them all.”

“Alright, then prepare the teleport to Nishitokyo so that we can send them in any moment. And tell them to assist Ayanami Shinji after they finish.”

“Aye, Ma’am!”

Then the situation around Shinji became worse when five Angels made their appearance after the death of the first one.

Katsuragi felt more uneasiness with every minute passed by. Shinji’s psychological state was also in danger, seeing that his synchronization rate was increasing in alarming level.

_This synchronization number isn’t normal. Even if this wasn’t his first time, Shinji hadn’t become a soldier for three years! Is it because of his memories were coming back?!_

“Ayanami Shinji got shot! He lost consciousness!”

Katsuragi gritted his teeth, feeling extremely frustrated. What she didn’t want to happen was now happening and it had become uncontrollable.

“The synchronization rate escalated rapidly! It went to the red zone!” With a panic voice, the female officer said loudly. Then she looked at Katsuragi with a frightened look on her face. “If this continues, he might fall into Berserk Mode.”

Katsuragi narrowed her eyes, feeling disturbed by the unshakable fact. She sighed heavily. “Prepare the rescue team. Send Nagisa Kaworu to Nishitokyo now.”

All of the personnel in the command centre quickly carried out the orders. The noises filled the room and heated up the tension that was hanging in the air. Not even one of them were oblivious to the determined result of what would happen if a soldier fell into Berserk Mode, moreover if that soldier wasn’t in the conscious state. They were panic and terrified to the dreadful outcome that might happen anytime by now.

But as if it was destined to happen, the unbelievable thing occurred right just after the order was being carried out.

“A-Ayanami Shinji stands up! And his wounds are healing in a rapid speed!”

Katsuragi widened her eyes in utter shock. “What happened? Give me the details!”

“H-his psychological state shows that he’s taken over! He’s been taken over by EVA!” The male officer shouted out in a frightened tone.

“Damn!” Katsuragi unwittingly let out a hiss. The worst possible situation now had occurred and she couldn’t stop it. She now had no choice but to restrain Shinji as fast as possible.

“Prepare the rescue team for the subjugation of Ayanami Shinji—”

“You don’t need to, Lt. Colonel Katsuragi.” A deep, hoarse voice suddenly came from behind. Katsuragi instantly knew who that was and turned her back.

She looked at Commander Ikari with a shocked and disbelief eyes. “It’s dangerous to let him fight in that condition. The synchronization number had risen up beyond the normal state. If we let it like that, he’ll really fall into Berserk Mode.”

“He’s different, Katsuragi Misato.” Commander Ikari shot an unfazed glare. “Do you forget who exactly he is?”

Katsuragi gritted her teeth. “Even so, I can’t let the child that has the possibility to create another tragedy like three years ago, fights in that condition.” He firmly rebuked.

The male officer shouted again. “Lt. Colonel! Ayanami Shinji had started to eliminate the Angels in unbelievable speed!”

“What?!” Katsuragi immediately looked up at the main monitor. “And his body, what’s the condition?”

“The wounds are healing and his vital is stable. But his psychological state still...” The female officer replied in anxious tone.

Katsuragi bit her lips. She didn’t like how the battle’s going on at the moment. There’re too much risks that would happen, just by keeping Shinji unrestrained.

Suddenly, Commander Ikari approached her and tapped her shoulder lightly. “I want the record of what happened with the Third Child to be analysed fast. So don’t do anything and let him fight.”

“Are you kidding me, sir?! It’s too dangerous!” Katsuragi gave an incredulous gaze.

“He’s still far long away from what he was before. The door is still unlocked, Katsuragi Misato.” Commander Ikari replied in an indifferent tone. His eyes were cold and distant.

Katsuragi could only let out a weary sigh. She knew that she couldn’t refuse the order. It was absolute, no matter how cruel it was.

“Yes...sir.” Katsuragi replied in a weak tone. She was truly unwilling to follow that order, even though she knew why Commander Ikari was so concerned about the result of what happened today.

 _He had planned this since he gave me the order to make Shinji fights alone._ She narrowed her eyes skeptically. _Is this the order from above? Or perhaps..._

“Ayanami Shinji lost his consciousness again! The synchronization rate now decreases and almost arrives at a normal rate!”

“What about his psychological state?” Katsuragi quickly asked.

“It’s showing stable rate now. It seems like his mind wasn’t perfectly taken over by EVA.”

Katsuragi let out a relief sigh. “How’s the condition in Chiba? Are they done?”

“They’re now fighting the last one. It’ll be over in a moment.”

“Right, then send them after they finish.” Katsuragi then looked at Shinji on the main monitor. The anxiety inside her couldn’t disappear at all. The fact that Shinji had progressed too far for just a mere few days since he became the soldier again, was quite threatening.

_It will be just a matter of time until he becomes what he was before. And I can’t just let it happen again._

Katsuragi then turned back and faced Commander Ikari. Her eyes were determined and firm. “Sir, I’ll give the report to you personally after the soldiers return. Is it fine?”

Commander Ikari turned his back on her before he replied. “No problem. You’ve worked hard, Lt. Colonel.” Then he left the command centre without spare any glance.

Katsuragi simply watched him walked out before she continued to settle the preparation for the soldiers to return safely.

* * *

 

** At Commander’s office... **

The sound of door sliding was heard right from outside the office’s door. Fuyutsuki turned his gaze at the door. He had expected the person who would come through that door.

And in a second, the office’s door was opened.

“How’s Shinji-kun?” Fuyutsuki instantly asked as he took a sight of Commander Ikari entering the room.

“Have you done with your work?” Commander Ikari didn’t give any reply and just kept walking to his desk instead.

Fuyutsuki simply let a resigned sigh. “I’ve told Akagi Ritsuko as what you instructed me. But are you sure with this?”

“What do you mean by that?” Commander Ikari narrowed his eyes as he spared a glance to Fuyutsuki.

“Accelerating the awakening might not be a wise choice. It’s what I thought.” Fuyutsuki calmly replied.

Commander Ikari kept his cold gaze on Fuyutsuki for a while before he shrugged away and went to his seat. “He’ll remember whether we intervene or not. If it’s a fate for that tragedy to happen again, then it’ll be the best if we control and used it for our purpose. Don’t you agree with this too?”

Fuyutsuki shut his weary eyes and replied. “Yes.”

Commander Ikari then sat and entwined his fingers together as he put his both hands on the desk. He muttered under his breath. “Soon, our long awaited plan will be achieved. Right, it’ll be soon, Yui.”

 


	12. A Light Inside The Dark

**_(....) : memories_ **

_Italic words : thoughts_

* * *

  **Kaworu** **’** **s POV**

* * *

** Back at the current time... **

“SHINJI-KUN!!” I quickly ran seeing he fell down to the ground. I immediately took him in my arms as I kept calling out his name.

Looking at Shinji’s tired and pained face, I could only cursed myself. I couldn’t even make myself to see the blood trace and cuts on his new uniform. I gritted my teeth hard angrily as I caressed his slightly cold cheek.

 _It_ _’_ _s my fault! I shouldn_ _’_ _t let him fight alone. I shouldn_ _’_ _t follow that man_ _’_ _s order!!_

Putting my forehead against him slowly, I shut my eyes tightly as I felt regret and anger kept building up within me.

“There’s something weird with him.” Asuka suddenly said. I turned my eyes to her.

“His wounds.” She added as she pointed her gaze at the cuts and hole around on Shinji’s gakuran. “They’re surely severe but now it had healed. It's strange."

I looked down staring at Shinji who was in my embrace. I stared at his face. "I think it’s because he almost entered Berserk Mode."

“What?!” Asuka yelled out in surprised voice.

Ignoring her surprised reaction, I immediately lifted Shinji up and glanced to her.  "I think it's time to go back home."

Asuka only gave me an incredulous look before our bodies were engulfed by white light. In a blink, we were back to 04 Port Tube. And we were welcomed by the head scientist, Akagi Ritsuko and two males in lab coats holding a gurney.

Then Asuka quickly walked outside the tube. She took a glance at me before she turned her gaze to Akagi Ritsuko. “I’ll be going to the command centre.”

“Sure, I bet Misato is waiting for you.” Akagi replied in a smile. Then she turned her gaze on me. “I only have a matter with Shinji-kun.”

Asuka simply shrugged off and left while I narrowed my eyes at Akagi Ritsuko’s reply. I felt there’s something behind what her words. But knowing that Shinji had to be treated, I had no choice but to give Shinji to her. I stepped out from the tube and approached her.

The two males behind her then approached me while pulling the gurney and putting that in front of me.

"Lay him down, Nagisa-kun." Akagi suddenly ordered.

I looked at her with a suspicious gaze. "A treatment, I suppose?"

She suddenly glared at me menacingly. "You should know better, Nagisa Kaworu. Shinji had almost entered the Berserk Mode. If it wasn't because of his wounds, the worst situation will come upon us. When that happens, who do you think will suffer the most?"

I lowered my gaze to see Shinji. Then I slowly lied him down on the gurney. After that, the two males immediately pulled the gurney and went to the elevator. I watched them left but with so much anxiety  for Shinji’s safety, I decided to follow them.

“I’ll go too. I need to know what his  state is now.” I glanced at Akagi Ritsuko and she simply nodded and followed the two males. Seeing that she gave an okay, I quickly followed them.

In a few minutes, we arrived at level 15 and quickly walked to Corridor 04, the first section of Health Facility where the emergency room was. Inside the emergency room, Akagi immediately prepared the body scanner. Then she ordered the two males to lay Shinji down on the scanner.

I could only watch them in silence. And after she finished, she approached me.

“Let’s go to the monitor. We’ll see the result.”

Akagi Ritsuko immediately ordered me to put Shinji at the first bed in the room. I complied with her order. Then she ordered me and Asuka to go out of the room. I was hesitant but there was something else I need to do. I glanced to Shinji and touched his cheek.

 _I_ _’_ _m sorry, Shinji-kun. I make you endured painful experience again._ I took his right hand and I kissed it lightly before I went out of the room.

Outside the room, Akagi Ritsuko had standing in front of a large monitor. Seeing a slight troubled expression on her face, I immediately walked to the monitor. I looked up to see what it showed and found a few figures, numbers, and graphics came up.

Seeing those made me slightly aware of what had happened with Shinji and how bad the situation was. I glanced at Akagi Ritsuko.

“How will you write on the report for Commander?”

Akagi Ritsuko turned her eyes on me. “Just as you see. His synchro rate has reached into red code. He really almost merged with EVA.”

I felt upset hearing the truth that laid there in front of my eyes. I could only stare deeply at the monitor.

"Do you think it'll occur every time he goes the same situation?"

I could hear a faint sigh from her. "There's a possibility of that. After all, there's indication that Shinji-kun might have started to remember his memories from the moment he laid his eyes on Angel at that time."

I gritted my teeth peevishly. I immediately knew that all what happened from the day Shinji was forced to choose this fate was a scheme to recreate the tragedy three years ago.

"Is that what _he_ really want?!" I murmured angrily. Then I glanced at Akagi Ritsuko, looking her with a suspicious gaze. "Is this right for you?"

She narrowed her eyes. A confused gaze was reflected in her eyes.  “What do you mean?”

“Commander was the one that order this experiment. Not the Council. Do you agree with this?”

“Experiment?” She narrowed her eyes sharply. “Regarding what?”

“Shinji-kun, of course.” I smiled at her reply. It felt ludicrous so much that anger slowly filled me again. “He made Shinji-kun fight alone again. And this time, without order from above. Didn’t this mean there’s something he wanted to see by ordering Shinji-kun to fight alone against those Angels?”

She stared still at me before she finally gave her reply. “Nagisa Kaworu, Commander Ikari is the highest order in NERV. And all the soldiers have to follow his order, whatever it is. It’s not SEELE."

Without me realizing, I clenched my fist hard. The despicable scheme that was too apparent for me, made me so angry. But I had my job to protect Shinji and it wouldn’t be risked by that despicable scheme.

"And you agree with him. I never thought you have that much feeling for that man.” I put on a smile again as I said it.

"I never said anything about that." Her voice turned to sound menacingly.

I chuckled sarcastically in response. “Is that so?” She shot a glare to me again.

Realizing that, I turned my gaze away from her and back to the monitor. “Anyway, Shinji-kun needs a rest. His body just went something that shouldn’t happen in the first time. You have to make sure he stabilizes or the door of hell will be opened without anyone knowing again.”

I showed a smile again before I left the Health facility. And faintly I could sense a heated glaring gaze pierced my back as I left.

* * *

After leaving the Health facility, I took my steps to the Command Centre. Even though I had known what in the state Shinji currently was, I should know how he got into that state in the first thing.

_I have to make sure how he almost fell into Berserk Mode._

After arriving at the Command Centre, I immediately walked approaching Asuka and Katsuragi Misato who were standing still and watching the footage on the main monitor.

“Lt. Colonel Katsuragi, I’ve returned back.”

She turned back and nodded. “Good work, Nagisa Kaworu.”

Without wasting any seconds, I immediately asked her. “Is that the footage of Shinji when he’s fighting in Nishitokyo?”

She glanced up at the monitor and nodded. “That’s right. Asuka wished to see it.”

I turned my eyes on Asuka. Realizing my gaze, Asuka simply snorted away. “I just want to make sure of what you said about Shinji falling to Berserk Mode.”

“Almost, Asuka.” Lt. Katsuragi immediately corrected.

“Really? It looks like he clearly fell into Berserk Mode. Didn’t what it means by falling into Berserk Mode is losing all of your sense and becoming a monster?” Asuka said in a sarcastic tone.

“It is. But Shinji’s state of mind didn’t show the clear change into what we really call Berserk Mode. He simply fainted because of the severe damage he took. And strangely, it seemed like EVA only took over Shinji’s consciousness to protect its user.”

“What is your reason of saying that, Katsuragi-san?”  Asuka asked curiously.

“Because EVA left from Shinji’s consciousness completely after killing all the Angels and healed him. If EVA really took over its user’s consciousness completely, it won’t just stop at that.”  She  explained.

“So, he’s saved? Even though he looked like that.” Asuka turned back and looked up at the monitor that was showing Shinji’s fighting footage.

In the footage, Shinji who was overwhelmed by number of The Angel and wounded terribly suddenly woke up after he fell unconscious. He killed those The Angels fast and brutally.

He quickly severed two heads of The Angel and immediately run to the other one and swiftly evaded the laser from the next Angel. In a second, he cut the third one in half. But before he was ready to strike the last two, they jumped up and shoot the laser simultaneously. Knowing that, he pointed his sword up. 

As if knowing fully what he himself did, A.T Field suddenly manifested as the laser beam collided with it. Then to our surprises, Shinji swiftly jumped up with A.T Field's support, which also manifested below his feet. He approached the nearest one and stabbed its head. Then he instantly turned over to the last one on his left side and stabbed its chest fast and pushed it to the ground.

The sight of his dead eyes pierced my heart. There were no a slight of himself in those eyes. It was exactly just like what happened three years ago. And it was so hurtful to see.

After annihilating every single of Angels, Shinji stood up and walked limply further from every dead body of the Angels. Not long after that, he fell down and lied unconscious on the ground.

Suddenly, Katsuragi Misato ordered her officer to stop the footage. “Enough. Stop the footage and prepare a report for  commander.”

“Understood.” The officer then stopped the footage video.

Katsuragi Misato turned over to us. “This was happened to Shinji-kun a few minutes ago. His mind got taken over for a few minutes by EVA and this what led him into his state now.”

“So it’s just a temporary thing and not dangerous?” Asuka asked skeptically.

Katsuragi Misato looked slightly unsure. “I can’t say it’s not dangerous at all. Not before I confirm his condition from Ritsuko.”

“What’s with that?! Isn’t it means there might be another chance for things like this to happen again?! “Asuka shouted out in anger. “I can’t even let him watch my back if it’s like that! How can he stil be a soldier?”

“Shinji-kun is still safe, Asuka.” I glanced at her and smiled. “I’ve just confirmed it with Akagi Ritsuko.”

Asuka looked at me with skeptical eyes. “Hmph! As if I can be convinced with that!” She harshly uttered before she left the Command Centre.

I could only sigh. Then I turned over to Katsuragi Misato. “Lt. Colonel Katsuragi, the reason why you’re not sending rescue team to Shinji is because of Commander Ikari. Am I right?”

She looked slightly surprised but she immediately replied calmly. “It’s not your place to question your superior, Nagisa kaworu.”

“I know, Lt. Colonel. But you know that I’m not just a soldier of NERV right?” I put up a smile as I said it.

She narrowed her eyes glaringly. “Even so, you’re now a soldier and with that you have to obey the rules here, Nagisa Kaworu.”

Seeing her piercing eyes, I simply sighed softly. “I understand. I’ll just have to confirm it directly.”

“What do you mean by that?”     

I curled up my lips in a smile. "Commander Ikari must be waiting for your report. I'll be coming too, Katsuragi-san.”

Her eyes widened in surprised. “What? Do you mean—“

“Let us report this together, Lt. Colonel Katsuragi. I have to report about Shinji-s condition too, after all." I smiled, ignoring her apparent surprised face.

* * *

“Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi Misato, present here to give a report.” She approached Commander Ikari’s desk and gave him salute.

Commander Ikari who was standing with his back on us, replied with a hum before he finally turned facing us. His eyes set his sight on Lt. Colonel Katsuragi first before it turned to me.

“I don’t think I called you here, Nagisa Kaworu.” His tone was sharp and cold. “Do you have anything to report?”

I kept my eyes unwavering from his cold gaze behind the spectacles. “I just have a few questions to ask, Commander Ikari. Would you let me to ask?”

"Nagisa-kun!" Katsuragi Misato immediately interjected in sharp tone.

I simply smiled, waiting for Commander Ikari's reply. I kept my eyes on him. Then I saw he narrowed his eyes sharply. “It’s not your job to ask question. As a soldier, your job is simply just to annihilate Angels. Didn’t I say that before?”

I kept my smile despite the anger that kept rising up inside me. “Indeed, it’s my job. But it’s just a question. I simply want to know, Commander Ikari.”

He glared fiercely. “And what will that be?”

“Your order regarding Ayanami Shinji in the last battle.”  I stared straight into his eyes. “Why did you send him alone?”

I could faintly hear a sigh came out from his mouth. “I thought you have a better thing to ask, but to know that it’s such a measly thing.”

“I won’t say it’s just a measly thing. Knowing that it can be connected to what happened three years ago.” I kept my smiling façade. I couldn’t let him knowing the rage that boiling inside me. I would never let him get my weakness.

"Nagisa-kun, know your place! That's a disrespect to your superior!" Katsuragi Misato shouted harshly. She glared at me with slight anger in her eyes.

"It's fine, Lt. Colonel." He interjected calmly. Then he stared at me with his cold eyes for a while before he gave his reply. “The Council wanted Ayanami Shinji to prove his usefulness as a soldier. And for that, I merely executed a proper order.”

I gritted my teeth in anger. But still I tried to let out a calm and collected demeanor. “Isn’t it enough with the first order when you let him fight alone without any help right after he became a soldier?”

“It’s not me to decide it’s enough or not.” He glared at me coldly.

“And you want to say that you don’t even care about Shinji-kun at all?” I almost growled in fury and gave him a glare. “Even after you knew who he is to you?”

Commander Ikari scoffed uncaringly and still gave me a cold look. "He is a soldier.”

I gritted my teeth and glared back. “So that’s your answer then?”

He simply gazed at me imperiously. But suddenly, Katsuragi Misato let out a cough and grabbed the Commander’s attention. “Sir, the report.”

I could see Commander Ikari turned his gaze to her before he walked to his work table and sat. “Let me hear it.”

“Yes sir. First of all, regarding Ayanami Shinji’s battle in Nishitokyo, he succeeded killing all the Angels before the contamination spread too far. But he got injured badly and now he’s in treatment. For the battle in Chiba, Nagisa kaworu and—”

“I’ll read the rest. Moreover, Ayanami shinji’s synchro rate during the battle, is it red?” He interjected fast.

“Yes...it’s red.” She replied in a hesitant voice. “But it immediately went to normal again. It’s just for moment, so I think we can’t easily decide that it’s really is Berserk Mode.”

"Is that so.” Commander Ikari said as he leant back to his chair. “Then leave your written report here, Lt. Colonel Katsuragi. You can go back to your post.”

“Yes sir.” Katsuragi Misato approached his desk and left her report on the desk. But after that, she was simply standing there.

Realizing that, Commander Ikari glanced up to her. “Is there anything else?”

“About Ayanami Shinji, I hope you won’t give an order like that again. He’s still a novice and to let him fight alone is too dangerous.”

He scoffed in reply. “Do you feel an attachment for him again, Lt. Colonel?”

“No sir.” She replied firmly with a sharp tone. “I’m saying this because I don’t want any of my soldiers go berserk and bring more problems.”

Commander Ikari watched her face in silent before he turned his gaze down to the report on his desk. “I can’t promise that.”

“Do you want to create Fourth Impact?” I said all of a sudden. The words just came out as the rage inside of me couldn’t be contained anymore.

“Nagisa-kun!” Katsuragi Misato turned back in surprise. Her eyes were telling me to not speak any more than this.

But I ignored it and continued. “I don’t think SEELE want that, Commander Ikari.”

I kept my eyes looked straight on his eyes glaringly. And he was silently glared me back with those cold, indifferent eyes. The silence was filling the air as if it felt like a long time. But in a second, Katsuragi Misato broke the silence.

“Nagisa-kun, I believe I had told you about respecting your superior before.” She narrowed her eyes fiercely. “You’re a NERV’s soldier, am I right?”

I stared at her face for a moment before I sighed resignedly and averted my eyes from her. “Forgive my rudeness.”

Then she turned back to Commander Ikari. “I’ve given my report. If there’s nothing else, please excuse us.”

Commander Ikari simply gave a slight nod in approval. And without saying anything, she gave me a look before she went outside. I fell in silent after seeing her gaze. I could sense that she had something more to say to me.

Then, I gave a last look on Commander Ikari’s face. “I really did hope you won’t hurt him. After all, he’s your only family.”

I narrowed my eyes sharply. “But it seems I was wrong to expect you protecting Shinji.” I softly said in low tones before I made my way out of the office.

Outside the office, I found Katsuragi Misato stood still in front of the elevator with her back on me. I stopped my steps and waited.

“Is there anything else, Lt. Colonel Katsuragi?”

She turned back fast, showing her slight bewildered face. “Nagisa-kun, I had known about you being someone that has a close connection with SEELE. But even now, I saw you as a soldier, not SEELE’s underling. I don't want to doubt my soldiers. So I want to confirm it. Are you on SEELE’s side or NERV’s?”

I stared at her doubtful eyes. _She must be confused seeing my behaviour before. That wasn_ _’_ _t just like my usual self after all._

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I remembered how angry I was before. It felt so humanlike. I replied with smile on my face. “I’m on Shinji-kun’s side, Katsuragi-san. I’ll always be his ally, even if the world becomes his enemy.”

She stared at me for a while. The doubt in her eyes slowly dissipated and she sighed softly. “Then, about what you said before, Fourth Impact. Do you think it’s possible?”

“If Shinji-kun falls into the same state he was before three years ago, I believe it will. After all, the transformation inside of him had already started. It just stopped by a mere amnesia. The moment he remembers everything that happened three years ago, Shinji-kun might be...”

The horrified thoughts in my mind made me lose my words. I couldn’t keep a calm face and turned my gaze below.

Then a hand suddenly touched my shoulder. I immediately looked up and saw Katsuragi Misato smiled.

“I, too, was one of people that could only watched that tragedy happened. I...was at fault too.” Her smile turned a bit sad as she said it. “But I never want it to happen again. It’s what I’ve decided when I continue to work here again.”

My eyes widened in surprise seeing her firm, resolute eyes. “Even if it means disobeying NERV?”

“If it has to.” She smiled again in reply.

I stared at her perplexedly. I never thought she would have that firm determination that was different from what she was before.

 _Should I try to trust in her?_ I smiled at the moment I thought that.

Everything felt different now since I could openly be with Shinji. The humanlike feelings that are somewhat unfamiliar to me before, now strangely occurring as if it’s natural. Even now, I could feel a pleasant feeling growing inside of me.

Then I unconsciously smiled again as I looked at her with a firm gaze.

“I’ll give you my help, Katsuragi-san.”


	13. The Escalating Emotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I finally got the time to update this... hufth...
> 
> I'm really sorry for the late update :(  
> Many things take my time and it's making me hard to write...  
> But I'll try to update faster!
> 
> Well then, i hope you enjoy this new update :)

**_Bold and italic words : memories_ **

_ Italic words : thoughts _

* * *

 

**Shinji's POV**

* * *

 

**_Gentle breeze brushed my locks as I looked up on the bright blue sky. The sight that was laid outside the small balcony of my apartment, soothing every fiber of my being. With my dear mother gently enveloped me in her lap as we sat together on the terrace of the balcony, I didn’t need anything other than more time for this moment to stay longer._ **

**_I inhaled deep, feeling the cool morning air filled my lungs._ **

**_“It’s a beautiful day. Don’t you think so?” I looked up, taking a peek on her face. “Mom.”_ **

**_Her eyes met mine and slowly, she smiled._ **

**_“Yes, my dear Shinji.”_ **

**_I grinned wide as I heard her soft voice calling my name so tenderly._ **

**_“I’m so glad that you finally have a day off. Lately, you’re so busy, mom.”_ **

**_“I’m sorry, my dear.” Her hand gently brushed my hair as her voice turned a bit sour. “Are you lonely?”_ **

**_I brought my head down and went quiet, unsure if it’s right to tell her my true feeling. And as if knowing that, her hands suddenly hugged me tight. I gasped, surprised by the tight embrace._ **

**_“Mom?”_ **

**_“...everything will be back, just like before. Can you wait for me, my dear Shinji?”_ **

**_Her voice slightly trembled. But I was too distracted to realize it. Her warm hug was keeping me in joy. And I could only catch her words._ **

**_“So your job will be over soon? You’ll be able to play with me again?” I shouted merrily, feeling so excited than ever._ **

**_“Yes, my dear.” Her lips formed a thin smile. “It’ll be soon.”_ **

**_“Then I’ll wait! I’ll patiently wait until you can play with me again!”_ **

**_“Thank you, my dear. I promise I’ll tell you everything when the time is right.”_ **

**_I nodded and grinned wide at her face. She answered me with the same gentle smile before she suddenly hugged me tight again. Feeling all giddy, I simply hugged her back with so much excitement after hearing her reply._ **

**_But to my surprise, she abruptly muttered in a very quiet voice, almost, like, inaudible to me._ **

**_“...My dear Shinji, Please….grow up well…”_ **

**_Her unusual soft tone made me glanced up curiously. I couldn’t help feeling it strange._ **

**_She then continued. “...The world is vast. You’ll never know what you will see. So, you have to take a look and learn. Understand this world, and while you can, learn to love it too. Only that you might be able to find your way, my dear Shinji.”_ **

**_She loosened her tight embrace as her gaze looked straight at me. I instantly glanced upon it, only to realize that the air around her had turned tense. And the gentle smile on her face wasn’t there anymore. I couldn’t help feeling stranger by the sudden change._ **

**_“Mom? What are you talk...”_ **

**_Seeing she suddenly smiled, I trailed off._ **

**_“Mom…?”_ **

**_Her ever-changing look made me all confused. I wanted to inquire. I wanted to know. But she didn’t give me time to think as she brought me falling down on the hard terrace’s floor with her. And then, she simply stayed still, embracing me close and tight while we’re lying together. I was utterly in a daze. Then gradually, her warmth drowned me into the comfortable darkness that slowly invaded my mind..._ **

“Shinji-kun.”

_ Someone’s calling me… _

“Shinji-kun, are you with me?”

_ A woman’s voice… _

_ Is that...mom…? _

I slowly opened my eyes, only to find myself blinded by piercing white light all of a sudden. Blinking several times, I tried to adapt my eyes with the sudden brightness of that white room. It was then, when I saw a woman on my left side, standing and gazing down at me. 

“Akagi-san...” 

The voice that came out from my lips sounded so cracked and hoarse. It made me gasped in shock. In an instant, I was forced to realize how weird that was. And the memory of the battle in the middle of the empty streets filled my mind in no time.

_ Right, where am I... _

I quickly wandered my eyes to see my surroundings, trying to understand my own situation. I glanced at everything in that white room, the high white ceiling, the beds on my each side, and a kind of device that I didn’t know what that was on my right side.

It’s just a few seconds before I realized that I was lying in a place similar to a hospital room.

_ So I was saved huh? _ I instantly thought. The flash of my last memory came inside my mind and made everything clear.

_...Did I win? _

Feeling a surge of curiosity overflowed inside of me, I quickly tried to sit up. But strangely I found myself in an utterly weak state. I couldn’t muster any strength at all. My head felt like it would be cracked open anytime. And the pain that came with the dizziness made me gave up my attempts to detached myself from the bed. 

I glanced to the woman beside me. “Akagi-san, what happened to me?” 

“Do you remember anything from your last fight?” She replied fast. Her voice was stern. And there’s a slight anxiety painted on her face.

I furrowed my brows confusedly before I shook my head fast. “Not much. I only remember the time when last remaining of The Angels attacked me altogether. It was then when I lost my consciousness.”

“Hmm... So you don’t remember about how you kill them all?” She faced me with a questioning look. 

Seeing that, I furrowed my brows deeper, feeling bewildered. In an instant, I remembered how horrible the Angels’s remnants when Kaworu and Asuka came to my rescue. At that time, I  didn’t understand why it became like that. But what I could clearly remember was the anxiety and fear that slowly grew inside of me. 

Unwittingly, I clutched the hem of the blankets on me. “No, I don’t remember.” I gulped nervously. “Did I...really killed them all?”

She stared at me for a while before I heard a long sigh from her mouth. “Well, I’ve expected this much.” 

“Akagi-san?” 

She was then approached me closer. “Can you sit?”

She extended her hand, telling me to grab it. Seeing that, I couldn’t help but to comply, even though the pain and the dizziness still lingered. 

“I’ll try.” 

I forced a smile as I tried my best straightening up my body to sit. The stabbing pain made me gasped, but Akagi-san helped me by grabbing my left shoulder and my left hand, keeping me steady. 

As I positioned myself to sit comfortably, Akagi-san took a small white chair near the end of my bed and put it beside me. She sat and then looked at me with the same stern look. “Now, what do you want to know first?”

I blinked in surprise, not expecting the question.  “Uh...then... can you tell me everything, Akagi-san?” 

She gave me a nod and smile before she replied. 

"There’s a lot of things to tell. But first let me tell you this.” Her face became more solemn than before. “Shinji-kun, you almost fell into Berserk Mode.”

I tilted my head confusedly. Her stern look and her serious tone already made me confused. But what’s more than that, I didn’t even know the meaning behind her words. In hesitant, I asked. “What does that mean?”

“Ah, right. You don’t know that huh?” She breathed deep before she continued. “Berserk Mode is a kind of lunatic state that will happen to the Sacred Children when EVA took over their minds and contaminate every cell in their bodies, turning them into Alpha. And what happened to you was almost the same. EVA did take over your mind, but only that it’s for saving you.” 

My eyes widened in a daze. I could only look at her with gaped mouth, knowing that what she said wasn’t just a simple matter.

_ Berserk Mode...  _

_ Does that mean I lost my control back then? _

I was baffled. I thought I’d understand even one thing, but unfortunately, no. I couldn’t even understand why EVA had to take over my mind and help me killing them.

_ Even though they’re the same. _

Realizing the anxiety that became apparent on my face, Akagi-san suddenly patted my head and smiled. “It was okay, Shinji-kun. You’re fine.”

I furrowed my eyebrows deeper, feeling more confused at her statement. “What do you mean? EVA took over my mind, right? That’s not just a simple matter!”

She smiled as she retreated her hand from my head. “Well yeah, you lost your consciousness and went berserk, killing all the Angels that remained. If there’s human around you, even I’m not really sure that you won’t attack them. But one thing you have to know, Shinji-kun...”

Her smile faltered as she looked straight at me with a stern face again. “That was EVA’s attempt to save you. It’s different with the true Berserk Mode when EVA truly takes over your mind, soul, and overwrites your identity as a human before turning you into Alpha. After all, if that did happen, you won’t be here by now.”

Akagi-san pulled up her lips a bit. “Looks like EVA simply took over your unconscious mind for a while as danger threatened your life. But it drained all of your energy. That’s why you get so exhausted like now.”

”But why? How could I almost fall into Berserk Mode in the first place?” I stared at her, still with confused gaze. 

“Like I said before, your life was in danger. Fighting a quite number of Angels, and not to forget, that’s only your second time, so I think your body couldn’t bear that much burden. You also got many wounds, remember it?”

I gasped as I remembered my wounds. Immediately, I touched my left shoulder and forcefully yanked off the blue robe sleeve to see the wound. Only to see that there wasn’t any scar left. It was perfectly healed as if I never got wounded in the first place. 

I turned my eyes at her confusedly. “This…”

She simply smiled. “Your wounds had healed completely. When you fell unconscious back then, EVA made your regeneration power awoke completely to its full capability. Your physical strength was also increased. That’s why you could kill those Angels easily even with so many wounds.” 

"Why...? Why EVA did that?" I looked at her in disbelief.

She tapped my left shoulder. "It's a strange thing, isn't' it? But don't worry. EVA might be born from the same DNA as the Angels, but it's still different.” She showed a faint smile before she stood up from the chair. "Now, just rest your body, Shinji-kun."

Seeing the unexpected gentle look on her face, a smile slipped out from my stiff lips. 

"Thank you, Akagi-san.” 

As if hearing the unexpected, her eyes widened for an instant before she replied me with a gentler smile. And not long after that, she walked out of the room. I simply stared at her back until she went out of the room, leaving me all alone in that wide room. 

In the middle of that silence, I looked up, staring off the white ceiling above me. 

_ Kaworu-kun…  _

The last image of Kaworu’s face came into my mind. I remembered how worried he looked when he saved me back then.  

_ I must be looked so pathetic. Even though he did so many things for me, I always cause trouble for him. I have to say thanks as quick as possible when I get discharged from here. _

I pulled up my lips as I remembered all the time Kaworu helped me since the first time we met until now. He was always worried about me. He always helped me, guided me, and supported me. 

At first, it was strange. He was strangely overprotective, and I couldn’t help feeling it weird. But, all the fighting, the thing with EVA, and the Angels were too overwhelming for me. It was Kaworu’s presence that gave me a little bit peace of mind. And before I realized it, I took his kindness for granted. 

_ I really am so pathetic…  _ I closed my eyes bitterly. Every memory of my pathetic, weak, coward self filled my mind and drowned me into despair. I couldn’t help hating myself for it.

_ I kept making him worried… _

_ I kept being his burden… _

_ And with so much arrogance, I made that empty promise. Saying that I’ll be just fine by myself...when I couldn’t... _

I bit my lips, feeling so vexed by myself.  _ How can I face him… _

My feeling completely went disorder. There’s me who want to see him, but there’s also me who was too ashamed to see him. His gentle, smiling face and his worried face were all appeared inside my mind. And it was so distressing.

_ I wonder if I could see you now… _

_ Kaworu-ku-- _

_ *clack* _

The sound of door knob cut me off all of a sudden. Immediately, I glanced at the door, watching it slowly opened. A figure that appeared behind that door, wearing white shirt with casual black vest and black denim, petrified me in an instant. 

“Kaworu...kun?”

The crimson eyes of that figure on the door softened at the name that I called. And then, his pale lips slowly curled up, smiling.

“Morning, Shinji-kun.”

* * *

 

The sound of footsteps gradually became louder as the silence grew by each second in that white room. Each tapping sound echoed just like a gong. And as if resonating with it, the pounding sound in my chest became as clear as a bell. 

The crimson orbs lock its sight on me. I couldn’t break off, as if captured by those beautiful red shade. Closer and closer, I could only gaze into those eyes without making a blink even once. 

I was, undoubtedly, stunned.

“H-How can you- why…?”

The owner of those crimson eyes simply smiled. “Why, you say? I’m visiting you, of course.”  

“Uh, no… I mean…” Glancing away, I could feel my face getting warmer.

_ How can he- _

_ The timing?!! _

I literally screamed inside, not knowing what kind of look I should have as he was now standing in front of me. I completely became flustered. His sudden appearance really got me awestruck. And it never went my mind that he’d be here, by now. 

It felt so awkwardly embarrassing.

“...How do you…”  I glanced back on forth, fidgeting uneasily. “...How do you know that I…”

“I met Akagi-san in the hall. She said you’ve come around.” Kaworu casually replied. I could sense his relentless gaze on me with his usual smiling face. “How do you feel, Shinji-kun?”

“Uh...fine. I’m perfectly fine, Kaworu-kun.” 

“You sure? You look slightly red.” Abruptly, he touched my cheek with his cold hand, causing me to flinch.

“Uwa! Kaworu--” I instantly looked up, but I was surprised again by the sudden close view of his face in front of mine.

“You’re a bit warm. You sure you’re not feeling any pain? You could be having a cold.” He put his hand on my forehead with his voice filled with worry. The laid-back look that was usually there on his face had been replaced by the apparent look of concern. Something that I’d seen back then after the battle.

_ He’s that worried of me… _ I stared into his crimson eyes dazedly, only to be surprised by another advance from him.

“Shinji-kun?” He’s calling my name smoothly. And like a bolt of thunder jolted me, I flinched back in reply.

“K-Kaworu-kun,  you’re too close!”

Kaworu looked a bit surprised with my reaction. He instantly withdrew himself back.

“Ah...that’s rude of me. I didn’t mean to startle you.” 

He backed off a few steps, creating some distance. I strangely felt that it’s a bit weird of him, knowing that he’d been so close and clueless about personal space. I stared at him with a wondering gaze. But still feeling a little bit of awkwardness in the air, I pulled up my lips a bit. 

“Uh, I’m fine, really.” 

“Is that so.” A soft sigh was heard as he smiled again. “That’s good, then.”

The sight of his usual gentle demeanor eased a slight tension that had been growing inside me. Unknowingly, I breathed out a long relieved sigh.

“W-What about you, Kaworu-kun? Is everything alright?” I was still a bit nervous, but it felt smoother to talk than before.

Kaworu simply smiled in reply. He reached the chair that Akagi-san left and put it close right beside the bed before he sat down calmly, facing me with his smiling face. 

“I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re alright, Kaworu-kun.” I felt more relieved and pulled up my lips wider than before. “I’ve been troubling many people here right? I bet Asuka will be mad at me.” 

A soft chuckle left his mouth. “It might be. But y’know, Shinji-kun, you don’t have to feel like that. No one thought you’re troubling them. Instead, your presence is really helping us.”

I widened my eyes in surprise, not expecting such answer. “Helping? How…?”

“Well, you see, we’re in a bit shortage of soldiers here. So you’re coming here is definitely helping us.” His smile gently widened. “Be confident in yourself more, Shinji-kun. You’re precious, more than you thought.”

I stared at him in a daze, not knowing what to say. But seeing his gentle smile and the piercing gaze of him made me suddenly averted my eyes. Once again, I feel extremely embarrassed somehow.

“Y-You’re too exaggerating, Kaworu-kun. I’m just doing what I can do.”

_ Even though I don’t know if I’m really needed here… _

I stayed still in silent, drowning in my thought. And as if knowing the growing anxiety in me, he suddenly grabbed my right hand. I couldn’t help flinching at the sudden touch.

“K-Kaworu-kun?!”

He showed me his gentle smile as I could feel he tightened his grip on my hand. “At least, for me, you’re an important friend, Shinji-kun.”

The blunt, heartful reply from Kaworu made my face felt warm all of a sudden. I could feel the loud throb of my heartbeat becoming faster and faster.

“Hm? Shinji-kun, you really feel a bit warm. Are you sure you’re fine?” Kaworu then grabbed my hand with both of his hands, clutching it tight as he tried to feel my temperature more precisely.

The feeling of his cold hand jumbled up with the warmth that spreaded out rapidly from the touch. It made me shivered. And I couldn’t say or think of anything. Even when I knew it’s just a casual touch, it ended up getting me all worked up. 

“No, I-- I’m fine, really!”  Subconsciously, I pulled out my hand from his grip with much force. “I think it’s because your hand is cold, Kaworu-kun.” 

“...Right, I am  _ ‘cold’ _ , aren’t I?” Kaworu retreated his hands while smiling with downcast eyes.

Seeing that look, I immediately realized that I’d done something so tactless and I might be upsetting him. And without thinking much, I yelled out loudly.

“No! You’re not! I never thought of you like that, Kaworu-kun!” I quickly reached for his hand and grabbed it. “Back then, I was just-! I was just getting embarrassed by myself! So, uh, I- I don’t hate it!”

Kaworu looked at me with wide eyes, looking all surprised. But he suddenly chuckled and then pulled up his lips gently. “So you don’t hate it, huh...”

His downcast eyes slightly lightened up. “I’m glad, then.”

Hearing such weird, dispirited voice of him, I added. “I can never hate you, Kaworu-kun.” 

“Shinji-kun…”

Calmly, I pulled up my lips a bit. “You did so much for me. You care about me and always helped me. You never did anything that can make me hate you. So, don’t be like that, Kaworu-kun.“

Kaworu stared at me with a deadpan look. He was quiet and his crimson orbs intently gazed at me. And after a while, he finally opened his mouth. “Then…” 

His hand slowly drew closer again to mine. I simply watched, wondering.

“...I can touch you just fine?” Kaworu’s voice was husky and soft. His crimson eyes now had stared over my right hand that was in his grip. I could feel a slight tremble from the touch.

“Why do you have to be afraid like that, Kaworu-kun?” Unlike before, I gripped back his hand without hesitation. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

I grinned, trying to convince him. Even though I knew that it’s a bit unusual for me to do that. Fortunately, Kaworu showed a smile that was better than before. It’s just a bit like his usual smile.

“Ah. We’re friends.” His grip tightened as he replied.

I was a bit surprised, but seeing the usual gentle look on his face made me didn’t think about it further. It was enough. And I was pleased to see that. It felt like what I saw in my dream before.

“You make me remember about my mother, Kaworu-kun.”

“Your mother?” 

I gave a small nod. “I remembered how she always smiled in front of me. Even when I knew she was having a difficult time because of her work, in my memories, she always smiled.” 

Slowly, the memory of the dream that I had before flowing inside my mind. 

“When I was a child and my mother got so busy with her work, It’s nothing more than a joy to just be with her. So I never thought more about the meaning behind her smile. But now…”  I paused, recalling the smile my mother had in my dream before. “...I guess it’s not just a simple smile back then.”

“...You’re thinking that you’re mother might be keeping you secrets?”

I stared at him in silent, before I casted my eyes down. “...You said to me before that all of people who work for NERV are bound by confidentiality aggrement where they can’t disclose any information to the outside. But I believe that it’s more because it’s hard to tell anyone about all of this right?” 

“Yeah...I can’t deny that.” 

“So I just thought that my mother was keeping me in secret because I was just a child back then. There’s nothing that I could do to help her. Besides, I might be just a burden to her…”

“You’re wrong, Shinji-kun.” Kaworu suddenly came out strongly. His voice was stern and intense. “Your mother did her best to protect you. You’re her strength. And I believe that your mother simply wished for you to live your life to the fullest, in a peace and freedom, not in this blood-filled battlefield.”

“...You seem like you knew about it so well...” I stared at him in a slight suspicion. The way he’s so sure about what he said made me thought that it’s weird. And I couldn’t help showing the doubt on my face.

And as if knowing and accepting it, Kaworu simply smiled. “Remember about the charm and the small black boxes at every side of the front door of your house?” 

“Ah, you said it’s a kind of protection right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, you know that the Angels are targeting us and luring us out by appearing in crowded places and attacking people randomly right? So, what I want to say is that soldiers, like me and Asuka, will have to come out and accept their invitation to the battlefield whether we like it or not. But you, Shinji-kun…”

Kaworu breathed out as he closed his eyes, looking downcast somehow. “...You had lived your life normally as a student before. You knew nothing of this bloody world and I strongly believe that it’s what your mother wished for. And for that reason, you have those classified property of NERV in your house.” 

I looked at him in a daze as he suddenly smiled again. The way he suddenly smiled, made me realized that he was trying to soften the heavy air around us. Unknowingly, I had already smiling. 

“You’re right. I’ve always wondering what those are, but to think that those are linked to NERV’s classified information... I won’t be caught right?”

I pulled a grin as I tried to loosened a bit tension because of the heavy talk. It was awkward, but I didn’t want to see Kaworu’s face diluted with an odd sadness that I occasionally saw every time we talked about Angels or NERV stuffs.

_ Whatever it is, I don’t want to burden him more than I already had. _

Kaworu widened his smile as a reply to my embarrassing joke before his eyes diluted again by a strange, dreary shadow. He said, in a soft voice. "I really hoped that it won’t be like this… But fate always said the otherwise…”  

“Kaworu-kun…?” I stared at him, perplexed. 

He simply smiled. “There’ll be no incident like this again. I promise.”  He clutched my hand tight, giving me a flinch. “So, let’s triumph over this chaotic fate together, Shinji-kun.”

My eyes widened as I saw such determined look on his face. It was unusual, but strangely it eased me more than I realized. I smiled wide. “Kaworu-kun…” 

Without saying much, the gaze that we exchanged with each other had told us more than we needed. I realized that Kaworu was serious and for that, I had to do the same. I couldn’t be the same weak and pathetic self like before. 

_...Or I won’t be able to save anyone... _

The thought slipped inside my mind. And I was reminded by a strange feeling of loss, together with a flash image of a short haired girl, with eyes as red as Kaworu. 

_ Huh? That girl… _

_ Who-  _

Suddenly, a sound of the door creaking was heard. I quickly turned my sight to the door and found Asuka was there, standing with her eyes glaring so openly. It wasn’t that long before I realized that it was directed to Kaworu.

“Asuka.” I called her out quickly, not wanting to let the strained tension between her and Kaworu continuing on.

Fortunately, she turned her gaze on me. “I heard you’ve woken up.” She entered the room and quickly approached me in wide steps. 

As she got closer to my bed, she stopped and casually folded her arms. “So you feel better now?”

I smiled at the sight of her usual self as I remembered how agitated she was when she saw me back then amongst the bloody remnants of Angels. ”I never thought you’ll visit me.”

“Hmph! I don’t have anything to do so I thought it won’t hurt to see you a bit.” She sounded condescending as usual but I didn’t let the slight blush on her face escaped from my sight. 

I chuckled softly as I saw that. “Yeah, that’s so nice of you.”

“Why are you giggling like a fool? You got your head knocked out too?”

“Nah, I’m just thinking that you really are a good girl, Asuka.” 

“Wha-!! Don’t get too carried away or I’ll beat you out!”  Asuka shouted in loud, angry tone, though her face was completely reddened. It almost made my lips curling up again.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” I smiled apologetically. “I’m already fine. Thanks for coming, Asuka.” 

“Hmph! You should be more careful, y’know. We don’t have that much time to keep saving you each time we fight the Angels.” Asuka said it in a clear, stern tone. It sounded harsh, but I knew that there’s worry and concern between those strict words.

I simply smiled again. “Yeah, I know.” 

Asuka snorted, turning her head away. “Well, now that I knew that you’re just damn fine, then I don’t think I should bothering you two anymore.” She took a glance at Kaworu, squinting.

“I-It’s fine, y’know! You’re not bothering us at all!” 

“Ooh? But I see you two getting so chummy with each other.” Asuka slightly turned her gaze down. Instantly, I understood that what she meant as I finally realized that Kaworu still had my hand in his grip. I got completely embarrassed. 

“Ack-! No! This just-! We-!” 

My words became jumbled up as I became so flustered. I didn’t even know whether I wanted to let Kaworu keep gripping my hand or not. I didn’t want Asuka to misunderstand anything but I also didn’t want Kaworu to think that he made me uncomfortable like before. It completely threw me off and I could only feel my face became hotter and redder as time passed by.

And as if knowing how flustered I was, I could heard Kaworu chuckling softly beside me. I instantly turned my gaze at him, only to see his laughing face for a moment before it turned into the usual gentle smile.

Kaworu then released the grip casually. “I’m done here, Asuka.” He stood up and smiled, facing at Asuka. “If you need to talk to Shinji, then…”

Kaworu moved away, offering the seat where he sat before for Asuka. But Asuka only took a glimpse at that gentleman gesture before her eyes glared again.

“No need for that. I don’t have anything to talk with him.”

“Is that so. Well then, Shinji-kun…” He turned his head, smiling. “Asuka and I will be going then. Please rest well.” 

“Eh? You two are going?” 

“What? You want us to babysit you all day? We still had more important things to do than just keeping you company.” 

“Well...yeah, I know. It just…” 

Not wanting to be like a spoiled child, I kept my mouth shut. I knew that they’re valuable soldier who were capable and perfect, not like me, so I couldn’t bother them with my own problem. Slightly feeling saddened, my gaze went downcast.

Suddenly, Asuka uttered, with a slight suspicion apparent in her voice. “I still don’t believe that a weak-looking newbie like you can pull something like Berserk Mode and got saved in the end. You sure this is your first time? Becoming a soldier like this.”

“What are you saying, Asuka?” I looked up, seeing her with a puzzled look. “How can be that this isn’t my first time?”

“I don’t know, so don’t ask me. Instead, you should question yourself about that.” 

“Asuka.” Kaworu suddenly said in a stern tone. His face turned grim and solemn.

“What? I didn’t say that wrong right? What happened to him was too weird. Even we who have been soldiers for a longer time than him, that kind of thing is almost impossible.” 

“It’s just a coincidence. Nothing more.” Kaworu replied fast while averting his eyes. 

“You want to say that EVA has a very whimsical nature?”  Asuka snorted in disbelief. “I’m more convinced that it because it had to do with his mother rather than something like that.”

“My mother?!” I instantly responded.

“You don’t know? About your mother who was once a NERV’s researcher.”

“No, I mean- I knew about that. But what’s about EVA and my mother?” 

“Woah, you don’t know anything about your own mother? That’s way too weird. But well, I guess you’re just simply weird from head to toes.” Asuka scoffed, shrugging off. “If I were to explain it simpler, your mother is the one that created EVA. She successfully created the only weapon that could kill those monster using the same Alpha’s DNA. Isn’t that great?” 

“My...mother was…” I was left speechless. Another secret of my mother was revealed. And I could never think or even imagine any of those secrets were. Slowly, I was forced to realize that my mother wasn’t just a researcher. I started to believe that she was more than that.

“...Is that true, Kaworu-kun…?” In my dazed state, I called out to him, feeling that he’d make me accept the truth.

I looked at him, waiting. And then, a nod was seen. 

“She’s right. Your mother was the one that created our weapon, EVA.”

The repeated words pulled me back from daze. My head was in a mess. Not having clear memories about my own mother while hearing the truth about her from anyone else seemed like I was listening to  a tale of different person. And it’s almost unbelievable. 

_ She’s technically the world’s savior, isn’t she?  _

I smiled at the thought before I breathed deep. Thinking about it too much would be just confused me more. So I chose to let it slipped away from my mind just for a while. 

_ It won’t do me anything good if I stressed over this thing.  _

_ Slowly… _

_ Yeah...just slowly… _

I let out a long sigh before finally turned my gaze at Kaworu and Asuka.

“Can you tell me more about it?”

Kaworu looked slightly surprised. His eyes widened a bit, while Asuka simply sighed.

“Your mother discovered the way to produce weapon from Alpha, using the same way as when the Alpha created the Angels. And furthermore, to make the weapon usable, she inserted her DNA for the experiment and combining her biological data with the Alpha’s. That experiment was called the Second Contact Experiment.” Asuka suddenly opened her mouth, explaining it simply.

“Second Contact Experiment...” I furrowed my brows. “So it’s the successful one?”

Asuka nodded. “The First Contact Experiment undoubtedly failed since there were many insufficient data about the Alpha but The Second Contact Experiment was a great success.”

“What’s that make it different? Do you know the reasons?” I inquired.

“Well, from the past report that I read, it was all because the specimen that was fused to the Alpha’s DNA was none other than the DNA of the survivors of the Second Impact. I guess you had known about it, don’t you?” 

“I think Kaworu-kun had told me about it. So, it was the reason?” I stared at her, awaiting her response.

“Well, if we’re looking at the First Contact Experiment, that might be the only reason.” Asuka shrugged off. “The differences between the DNA donor might be raising the possibility to create another being just like what the Contact Experiment’s purpose was.”

“The DNA from the survivor…” I muttered. “I guess in the end, it’s all because of the Alpha, isn’t it? The Angel’s birth and The creation of EVA...everything was his fault…”

My voice turned depressing. There’s a pitch-black emotion swirling inside me all of a sudden. I didn’t know how it ended up there, but it felt like I knew it so well.

Unknowingly, I clenched my fist hard, only to realize that when Kaworu touched my hand. 

“Kaworu-kun…”  I looked up, bewildered. 

Kaworu simply smiled. He didn’t say anything and I couldn’t read his face. But I could sense there’s something behind that smile.

“I think it’s time for you to rest again, Shinji-kun.”  He smiled enigmatically.

The way he smiled shut my lips tight. I didn’t know why but I felt like he washed over those pitch-black emotion, pulling me out from that dark swirl. I simply stared at him as he continued again.

“We’ll be going now, Shinji-kun. You should really rest okay? You still have school, remember?”

“Ah...you’re right…” I gasped softly. “My first day at school got perfectly ruined…”

“Isn’t it good? There’s no one who won’t remember you by now, truant-boy.” Asuka smirked playfully.

“Truant?! Didn’t I get sick leave?!” I exclaimed in surprise, hoping that Asuka was really joking.

Asuka merely shrugged off. “I don’t know.”  She smirked again before she made her way to the door and left out of the room.

I could only watched her with mouth agape speechlessly before I let out a weary sigh. “Why is she so hard to understand…? Sometimes so infuriatingly troublesome, but sometimes she would just…” I sighed, again.

Seeing that, Kaworu let out a soft chuckle. “Well, it’s seems that Asuka likes you, Shinji-kun.”

“H-Huh?! Li-Like?! What are you saying, Kaworu-kun?” Flustered, I could feel my face getting warmer.

Kaworu smiled again. “Anyway. you should rest. You’re body still recovering after all.”

“...Right.” I pulled out a thin smile. I knew that after what happened before, there’s a weird, indescribable moment that Kaworu and I only knew. The feeling that Kaworu knew what i felt and I knew what his action meant. Even though, it might be only my mind playing trick on me.

But I let it slipped away, knowing that I wouldn’t understand a thing even if I tried to search for the answer now. 

_ And whatever it is, I should think about what the future holds for me… _

_ Because the battlefield… those Angels… won’t wait for me to get used to this world… _

I stared straight at Kaworu, with smile on my face. And it’s only a second before Kaworu left the room too, after he widened the enigmatic smile on his face, leaving me in wonder. __   
  



End file.
